Kabul, Afghanistan—Members of the Afghani government are becoming increasingly frustrated with the recent string of President Hamid Karzai’s poorly conceived morale-boosting events.
“I wore my biggest and my silliest turban on silly hat day,” said a disgusted Hassan Rahimi. “Granted, it’s not much bigger or sillier than any of my other turbans, but I thought there would at least be prizes or something.”
“Karzai completely ignored my suggestion that we have a lottery and then stone to death whoever picks the lucky ticket,” said another Hassan Rahimi. “The man ignores the classics!”
“His casual burkha day really sucked,” added Abdul Haq of Kandahar. “And don’t even get me started on dunk a Mullah Monday.”
“Mistakes have been made,” admitted President Karzai. “I didn’t think I had to specify no IEDs during the lunchroom obstacle course, but live and burn.”
The politically embattled president went on to say, “My country still needs something that will unite the Afghani people behind a common cause, like maybe a good pie fight. If anyone has any ideas, please email me…preferably before Wednesday, which is kiss a camel hump day. I’m really worried about that.”