Phoenix, AZ—On the evening of March 9th a strange explosion in the Northwest Valley was captured by Fox News 10. The power company immediately denied any transformer blow outs and the large, unexplained flash of light remained a mystery, until now.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio finally made a statement to the press yesterday, explaining the mysterious flash. The Sheriff admitted he and his department used a bazooka to eliminate a flagrant j-walking menace from nearby Mesa. Parts of the j-walker later arrived at Scottsdale Medical Center, while other parts arrived at Arizona Regional in Mesa.
“We only recovered 60% of the ‘alleged’ offender,” said Arpaio, “but I can tell you one thing, that bastard will not be blatantly ignoring crosswalks again in my town.”
Sherriff Arpaio came under considerable scrutiny last year for using a SWAT team and a tank to break up a cock fighting ring that turned out to be a pacifist farmer who just loves his cock.
Rooster spokesperson, Foghorn Leghorn, had this to say, “I say, I say, this man’s a bleeping menace. He’s about as sharp as a sack of wet javelinas.”