One witness claimed, “We thought it was all part of the show. We were all like, how did they just explode on stage like that?!” Then I remember thinking, “These guys are the next Floyd, but then I was on fire.”

The White House spokesperson Jay short-timer-syndrome Carney said, “It was just a typo. It was an honest mistake by an honest intern, who, honestly, has since been promoted. Normally any drone strikes within U.S. borders requires a second signature from a witness or something. Look, Obama said he’s sorry and he’s asked Chuck Hagel to bring him coffee all week for this incident, because he’s sorry too. They’re all really sorry.”

The only surviving member of the Procol Harum, Robin Trower, said, “First we don’t get into the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame and now this. Well, at least we didn’t have to play Whiter Shade of Pale, I am so sick of that that fucking song.”

The owner of the club is suing the government for damages and insists his establishment “released all of the kidnapped school children weeks ago.”