Catastrophes are looming, so the rightwing distraction machine shifts into overdrive. What exactly are they trying to hide? Drumpf’s first trimester will bring a constitutional crisis, an unnecessary war, and/or an economic collapse (two for three, or your security back!). Dubya started with an unnecessary war that resulted in a constitutional crisis. Then, during Bush’s second trimester, he triggered the worst global event since the series finale of Glee. You might not remember the constitutional crisis part, because Obama was complicit in the torture scandal cover up. Make no mistake, the emergence of Pompeo and Haspel into positions of power highlights this blatant failure to clean up Dodge. Thanks, Obama, I thought this was America! I almost miss that… It looks like Trump will start with a constitutional crisis followed by an unnecessary war. He’s planning to save the economic cherry on his shit sundae for last. But it’s going to be a great depression! The best depression! #ApocolypseDOW?
Middle-Jersey—Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a feckless tweet #yada yada. Meanwhile, in a Starbucks in Glen Ridge, New Jersey, the last of the ‘Resistance’ gathered and agreed to schlep the One Subpoena to the very shadow of Trump Tower. Yeah, good luck with that with bridge and tunnel traffic!
George Orwell once said, “To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.” And Orwell’s nose was much smaller than yours, Zano. Let’s start with the objective facts driving the ‘FBI-wrongdoing’ narrative, as opposed to whatever you’ve been doing. My friend Mick tends to seek facts to support his assumptions, and then he goes on a weekly diatribe that makes Trump’s latest Fox & Friends interview sound like a Dalai Lama tweet.
Key West, FL—Saturday afternoon a picture of Special Counsel Robert Mueller surfaced on Facebook. The picture depicts Mueller kicking back on a fishing boat with a check-in pin that suggests the image was taken in Key West, Florida. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, “Come on! I don’t care how much he likes fishing, he had to know how bad the optics would look! So who took the picture, Comey or McCabe? Did he tag them on FB? When did he fish, and what did he fish for? Let’s call this one Saltwater-gate.”
Of course my recent post Study Finds Debating Table Lamp More Engaging Than Average Republican triggered a spirited debate. Ahhh, irony, it’s what’s for Discord. It was a much better debate than the lead up to the presidential election. Not that that’s saying much. My friend and blogvesary, Pokey McDooris, is all up in arms about this “salacious and unverified” dossier as it relates to the Russia probe, but what if it’s accurate? Is it really such a stretch that Mr. “Grab ’em by the pussy” could be salacious in private? Any port in a Stormy? And, if it remains unverified, don’t we just need a urine sample?
Tweet Tower—According to an unnamed Discord source, the White House is behind a series of help wanted ads for the FBI directorship appearing on LinkedIn and Indeed. The controversial posting states, “Full-time, must be 18 years of age. The candidate must be a ‘yes’ man, and ‘man’ preferred. Unswerving loyalty to the president required. White privilege a must. Will train if not misogynistic, racist, or xenophobic. Good phony communication skills (not a typo). Must be willing to destroy the rule of law and protect a sociopathic man-child prone to periodic temper tantrums. Must possess knowledge of adolescent behavioral modification strategies. Prior FBI or police experience a plus, or at least watch some of the new X-File episodes prior to interview. Must be able to hide the bodies, but then not disclose where said bodies are buried. Excellent benefits (for now). Knowledge of Excel a plus.”
President Trump wants the Mueller’s investigation to wind down as soon as possible, but one potential delay may include the counsel’s request for a direct interview with the president. Mueller’s team wants a sit down face to face meeting, but the president made it clear he only does interviews with Sean Hannity and only when the questions are sent to him way ahead of time. The president is also requesting no more than five questions, with explanatory pictures, as well as periodic statements that he is not actually under investigation and that he’s doing a
fine GREAT job as president.
Only one year into this cocky horror picture show and our Republican friends are already circling the old wagons. Much uncertainty clouds the onset of year two of the Greatest Administration on Earth, so it’s time for some more prognostic magic. As for the Russia-probe, the surprising effectiveness of the Hannity-led attacks on the FBI and Mueller’s team is muddying the waters. No matter how wrong Republicans get, doubling down with mindless distractions seems to serve them well. The difference with this round? The rule of law itself hangs in the balance. We are now faced with two terrible choices: Jeff Sessions remains the Attorney General and further militarizes the police, re-ignites the failed war on drugs, tramples state-laws, destroys a ton of new businesses, all while stuffing our prisons to the brim with more non-violent offenders, or choice two: Sessions is sent packing in the next couple of weeks or months in favor of a new AG who, before taking the job, agrees to reign-in the Mueller investigation. For this scenario there is clearly the potential for a more successful Saturday Night Massacre, one that allows an indictable ass-clown to remain in office. Archibald Cox sucker? But fear not, I know how this all ends! (Hint: think Rogue One meets Bambi’s mother over at The Green Mile.)
The White House announced today the words ‘climate change’ will hereby be changed to the special prosecutor’s name ‘Robert Mueller’, wherever and whenever they appear in official government documentation. This executive order reaches all existing government agencies, including the Department of Agriculture, the Department of Commerce, NOAA and the Defense Department, just to name a few. This White House decree orders the changes be made via the Microsoft Office add-and-replace function. Additional mandates include the elimination of anything considered ‘evidence-based’ or ‘science-based’. These will be changed to some other stuff with the new headings of either ‘Hannity-said’, or ‘Trump-tweeted’. The White House is touting the level of choice still remaining for agency officials is impressive, and these moves are designed to further curb the impact of fake science from undermining key Trump initiatives.