He Rode a Blazing Deficit

He Rode a Blazing Deficit
The Crank

In retrospect, as I watched the Circus Minimus, a.k.a. the debt ceiling debacle, my mind started to wander, as it is prone to do without Ritalin.  Can there really be this many ideologically enslaved people all in one place? Do they really think we believe the talking points anymore?  Then it all came into raging clarity as I watched Blazing Saddles for the 367th time last night.  I don’t mean to offend with this culturally insensitive material.  It’s Mel Brooks’ fault, honest.  If you want to really be offended, check out one of my regular features.

1. First came the congeniality:
“Some more entitlements, Mr. Taggert?” “I’d say you’d had about enough!”
“Some more entitlements, Mr. Taggert?”
“I’d say you’d had about enough!”
2. Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!
“We the white God-fearing citizens of real America wish to express our extreme displeasure with your lack of spending cuts.”
“We the white God-fearing citizens of real America wish to express our extreme displeasure with your lack of spending cuts.”
3. The votes to raise the debt ceiling are still not there:
“I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Independents!”
“I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs,thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Independents!
4. When it still looks bleak:
“Gentlemen, we need to save our phony baloney jobs.”
“Gentlemen, we need to save our phony baloney jobs.”
5. Another plan emerges:
“Someone go back to Congress and get a whole shit load of Dems.”
“Someone go back to Congress and get a whole shit load of Dems.”
6. Democrats regroup:
“Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that tax revenue: the rightful owners. Just give me 24 hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save our DOW. Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.”
“Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that tax revenue: the rightful owners. Just give me 24 hours to come up with a brilliant idea to save our Dow. Just 24 hours, that’s all I ask.”
7. Dems start to show their frustration:
“That’s Hedley!!”
“That’s Hedley!!”
8. More side show distractions:
“Where all the white women at?”
“Where da white women at?”
9. Then the ax fell for some:
“They lose me after the bunker scene.”
“They lose me after the bunker scene.”
10. Still another lousy plan emerges:
“Elementary, cactus head.”
“Elementary, cactus head.”
“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of expensive alternatives.”
“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of expensive alternatives.”
11. Republicans are stunned:
“More spending? Investing in infrastructure? What will that asshole think of next?”
“More spending?  Investing in infrastructure?  What will that asshole think of next?”
12. Reverend Al Sharpton and God intervene:
"Oh Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty debt raising mission? Or are we just jerking off?"
“Oh Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty debt raising mission? Or are we just jerking off?”
13. Hooray!  The Debt ceiling is raised.  We live to spend another day!!!!
“I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the west… wherever people cry out for justice.”
“I’m needed wherever outlaws rule the west…wherever people cry out for justice.”
BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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