Joe The Plumber Called In To Fix White House Leaks

Tweet Tower—President Trump brought on Anthony “the Mooch” Scaramucci last week to be the White House Communications Director. The Mooch immediately called his good friend, Joe the Plumber, to address all the leaks in the White House. President Trump told the Discord today, “Mooch is brilliant! The best Mooch! Not only is Joe already hard at work fixing those leaks, he’s also given me some good referrals for my broken cabinet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Scaramucci is yelling profanities at some people on the lawn. I keep telling him it’s just another tour group. Relax Anthony!”

Anthony Scaramucci told the Discord today, “If Joe the Plumber can’t get the job done, no one can, including me because I’m the kind of a communication director who relies wholly on hand gestures and profanity. I tell you what, though, if Joe can’t fix these leaks I’m going to keep firing people. I don’t care if eventually the only people hanging out in the Oval Office is me, Trump, a Russian spy or two, and some hookers peeing on each other. Whatever it takes #GoldenRussianShowers.”

President Trump added, “People are already calling the Mooch, Mini-Me, which is awesome! On a related note, thanks to General Mattis we already have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads. Try racing these bitches, Phelps! Oh, and I might have Joe install a shark tank under the Oval Office. You know, for my next meeting with the Attorney General. #OoopsThatWasn’tTheCokeButton.”

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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