Dear Ghetto Shaman,

I think you’re an f’ing scam. A friend of mine attended one of your “enlightenment” sessions at her university earlier this year, and she told me that you showed up drunk, did nothing but hit on her all night, and the puked all over her after pounding half the punch bowl at the after party. On top of that, she said you broke into the ladies room while she was trying to clean up and stole her bra. WTF dude? I thought you were someone I could trust.

Oh, and BTW, she’s thinking about pressing charges. Pig.

Thanks for nothing,

Roxanne

Dear Roxanne,

Sorry it took me five months to respond.  I didn’t want my readers to get the wrong idea.   You didn’t even say what university?  Besides, I usually only frequent high school bathrooms.  Otherwise, I admit it sounds like me.  A lot.  But, look, why is everyone so shocked about what happens at my Hide the Sacred Sausage Workshops in the first place?  Or, when my flyer for an event says, prepare to receive my Big 10inch Spiritual Transmission, there’s always these annoying lawsuits.  Really, people?  Next you’ll be condemning my Pop-a-Cherry Virgin Healing Retreats.

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. I’m wearing your friend’s bra, right now.