Philadephia, PA—It’s that time of the news cycle again. We have limited our retractions this time to those episodes causing great personal damage or loss of life (otherwise we could be here all day).
Our journal submission Study Finds Sending Water to Flood Victims Ironic did not stay afloat under the peer review process. Besides, there’s nothing funny about dysentery or cholera—even when worked effectively into a pun.
In our feature, Top 10 Reasons You Should Never Pull the Last Airbender’s Finger, three of the reasons were deemed “a bit of a stretch.” But, we do stand by our original premise that it is still not advisable.
At the end of the day, The Discord staff admits our feature Global Drought May Spread does not represent journalism at its finest.
Finally, we would also like to apologize to the U.S. Army for endangering our troops in the field during our ill-fated Egg a Radical Muslim Cleric Day. We are willing to stand by our offer to pay for all of the dry cleaning bills (for any legitimate claim), provided the Imams in question stop calling for our beheading.