Our Country Started With a Tea Party and Will Likely End by One

Mick Zano

Full circle jerk. Regardless of these final negotiations Obama needs to enact an executive order to pay our bills, now. Playtime is over. He’ll be impeached, of course, but who cares? We need to avoid the collapse of the U.S. dollar as the world standard at all cost, pardon the pun. Oh, and don’t worry, the impeachment process has already been marginalized—or, as I call it, the Full Lewinsky.

An Obamaesque Executive Imperial Decree Thingie in the final hour was how I predicted things would go down (even before we had a shutdown). We are running out of time and the invention of the TARDIS is eons off. Trust me, I keep checking all the relevant sci fi websites. Okay, the TARDIS is thousands of years old, but let’s not confuse the GOP further.

I am not as confident as Reid or Boehner that a deal is close. They’re idiots. And, again, even if we survive this nonsense, it never should have gotten this far in the first place. And more bullshit hurdles await us, courtesy of our patriotic assassins. Over the years, I have urged moderate Muslims to reel in their more fanatical brothers. I have also asked for moderate republicans to do likewise with their Tea Party brethren, but one look at Ted Cruz and I think there’s more hope for the Middle East.

Dear Tea Party,

Pssst. I wanted you to end the Republican Party, not the global economy.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. But I love your silly hats. Oh, and did you know tea bagging is a metaphor?

Last week over on NPR George Will said this is simply “democracy in action.” He is no fool, so one can only conclude he is a liar. This is the death throes of a democracy. What a sellout, or:

“The day George Will became a Fox News contributor The GOP collectively lost an IQ point and, frankly, they can’t afford that.”

—Mick Zano

The GOP started out in 2013 with a handful of insightful peeps but their numbers are dropping faster than a Value Jet in a cloudburst. Meanwhile, the New York Times is rightly scoffing at the inane list of shutdown demands:

“The absurdity of the list shows just how important it is that Mr. Obama ignore every demand and force the House extremists to decide whether they really want to be responsible for an economic catastrophe. He made a mistake by negotiating in 2011, hoping to reach a grand bargain; that produced the corrosive sequester cuts.”

The list of republican demands are unhinged. They believe they can dictate everything to the majority. Wasn’t it bad enough when they ran shit? Sullivan is stunned:

“Elections do not matter. Only their agenda matters. No compromise is possible, even when this kind of catastrophic default is hanging over our heads. In fact, the danger of catastrophic default is something they relish in order to undo the basic principles of democratic government.”

Andrew Sullivan

Here’s Chait channeling some Zano angst:

“The hard right’s extremism has bent back upon itself, leaving an inscrutable void of paranoia and formless rage, twisting the Republican Party into a band of anarchists. And the worst is not behind us.”

Jonathon Chait

I think it’s too late. Republicans have gerrymandered themselves into relevance for many elections to come, regardless of their popularity or their tactics. The GOP is run by anarchists in the guise of patriots totally under the control of big business. In fact, Koncal over at the Washington Post sees no light between the Tea Party demands and Wall Street interests.

“The key question is how to best create rules for the financial system so that it works better for the economy as a whole, a process that will necessarily create winners and losers. Perhaps it is just a coincidence that Tea Party anger over the idea of a federal, regulatory state just happens to overlap with the interests of Wall Street. Perhaps. But I see no reason people should take comfort in that.”

—Mike Koncal

Imagine that? More shit I’ve been talking about coming to screwition. Hell, the Foxeteers haven’t had an independent thought in their miserable little Facebook MeetUp lives. They are walking talking points.

Which reminds me:

We don’t do rebuttals here at the Discord, for good reason. Debating a Foxeteer, any Foxeteer, is akin to dropping acid with Somalia pirates during a Walking Dead marathon. I did that once, but NEVER AGAIN! I prefer to burn incense and think about butterflies and glitter. We live in two different political realities now, and never the Twain shall meet. Mark my word (Huckleberry Finn joke omitted by the editor).

I have found that when people in a position of power act and then explain said actions, that’s important. They may well constitute the only facts in this sad political climate in which we find ourselves. A republican’s interpretation of the same event? Pointless.

I was on a crusade to end the Republican Party as we know it, but the bastards beat me to it. In 2009 I asked the GOP to evolve or die. They have obviously chosen extinction, which would be fine if they didn’t intend to bring the rest of us down with them. Oh, and do away with that debt limit. It’s a formality turned into a hostage situation.  Yglesias’ take here. I think global economic disaster is still a fifty/fifty proposition, which is incredible as it is entirely self-inflicted.

Here’s a great summary to wrap things up:

“What, then, can I add about the latest twist in the pending government shutdown? How many different ways are there to say that the Tea Party Republicans are both crazy and stupid? How often can you point out that John Boehner is pathetically weak, quite possibly the most ineffectual Speaker in the history of the House of Representatives? How many times can you remind people of all the awful things that would happen if the government shuts down and/or we don’t raise the debt ceiling? How many times can you scream at Republicans that they are never, ever, ever going to repeal the Affordable Care Act so they should just give it the hell up already? How many times can you cry that this would be an insane way to run a junior-high student council, much less the government of the mightiest nation on earth?”

Paul Waldman

I said this quote would wrap things up…so why are you still here? Oh, as long as you are, check out my feature on the top 25 republicans.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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