Washington, DC—The Obama Administration admitted they are already giving up. President Obama told the press today, “Congress has seized like an ‘87 Yugo engine coming down from benzos and alcohol. Since there is no chance of reaching a deal with these crazy people, I have 18 holes of golf scheduled for the first 90 days of my 2nd term.”
President Obama added, “At the 18th hole there’s this Tavern on the Green, where I will transition to my evening schedule, which involves doing the people’s work.”
Press Secretary Joseph Gibbs later explained the expression is a euphemism for “drinking heavily”.
“There’s nothing I can do without a supermajority,” continued President Obama. “They are going to block my proposals, my Judge nominations, my mojo, so I’m getting drunk! Then, after the first and only action of my 2nd term, I’m getting stoned!”
Obama admits he feels helpless to stop the fiscal cliff nuggie, the double-dip wedgie, but is even more concerned about this “Greenspan swirly thing” he heard about over on The Discord.
“Can I call a mulligan?” said Obama. “Hell, I’m already at McMulligan’s, so we can call it a theme day? Four!”
As for the President’s comments on a double dip, George Costanza was unavailable for comment.