Amidst Shutdown Washington Monument Sold to Chinese

Amidst Shutdown Washington Monument Sold to Chinese

Washington, DC—In a quiet backdoor deal, the U.S. Government has sold the Washington Monument to the Chinese for what President Obama is calling “a shitload of loan forgiveness.” It is hoped this move will really help the U.S.’s long term deficits and by that Obama added “not much.”

Republicans are criticizing Obama’s choice to sell off historic landmarks as Speaker John Boehner is calling the move, “Operation Hock and Pawn.”

In related news, our national parks will open soon but they will also be under Chinese control. President Obama is putting as positive of a spin as he can on this event. “The transition should be seamless,” said Obama. “Yearly national park passes are actually expected to drop under China’s management, well…umm, with the mandatory implanting of the required monitoring chip and DNA sample.”

Libertarians are having a field day with this required monitoring chip. No, literally, they are all signing up and then playing field games wherein they can track one another’s whereabouts and progress. Yes, our current libertarians are idiots but our parks are open!

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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