1. Surrounding neighborhoods see 90% drop in wedgies, nuggies, and wet willies.

2. Batman captured and arrested by NYPD…a lot (bat utility belts prove ineffective)

3. Best costume goes to Homeless Mantis

4. X-Men change name to Transgender Warriors

5. Every Geek Squad employee in tri-state area calls in sick

6. An estimated 400 parents take advantage by evicting their adult children from basement. 

7. Bullies so bored that some are turning to comic books and Dungeons & Dragons

8. First functional TARDIS used to snag first edition Superman/Batman.

9. Stocks in hand lotion and Kleenex plummet

10. The sequester cut our last joke