Obamakazi: Is the ACA a Suicide Mission?

Mick Zano

I am not all that concerned about Obamacare’s impact on other insurance companies—who suck, by the way—or of rampant socialism, or death panels, or Fox’s next paranoid-based theme of the week (FNPBTW). It’s those unintended consequences that concern me. Obama’s failure could well fan the flames of a dying political party. So to help, this site is now a portal for the ACA. Please click below to enroll at…Shit! We crashed!

The instant Obamacare started faltering, the GOP smelled blood in the water. Actually, they smelled blood in the water since January of 2008—their own, of course, because they remain factually impaired. Bull Sharks?

If Obamacare is eventually victorious, it will be a huge blow to the GOP, to our shittier insurance companies and, for the most part, to those shittier employers among us. Its success or failure, however, is still in serious question. I am probably the only person in America growing more confident each glitchy stumbly second. Huh? Whaaa?

My reasons for going out on a limb (again):

1. The GOP thinks Obamacare is doomed, but their uncanny ability to always get things wrong should not be underestimated.

2. None of these larger social programs were ever rolled out smoothly, but they tend to get fixed, at least historically speaking.

3. Frankly, it has to work. There’s too much riding on it. I would not use the word frankly otherwise. Frankly, I hate that word.

A reader writes:

“Looks like you botched this one, Zano.”

I disagree. I didn’t think Obamcare would be easy to pull off in our current political environment and I said as much before the bill passed into law. Sure it’s working great in the only other 16 countries it’s been attempted, but ‘Murica is no longer horribly competent, under D or R. This was my quote from 2009:

“Universal healthcare is a nice goal for the future. Hint: this is not that time.”

—Mick Zano

I am a strong proponent of the ACA, but back in 2009 I was more concerned about a double dip recession. I still am. I also voiced concern about the rollout chances, here.

When Obama said people could keep their existing policies…umm, there’s no defense for that statement. He lied. I can’t defend the indefensible. That’s a Foxeteer’s job. I think this Obamacare rollout fail should land squarely on the Dems doorstep, however, it hasn’t helped having half our country rooting against it.

“The GOP’s strategy hasn’t just tried to win elections and repeal Obamacare. They’ve actively sought to sabotage the implementation of the law. They intimidated the people who were implementing the law. They made clear that problems would be exploited rather than fixed. A few weeks ago, they literally shut down the government because they refused to pass a funding bill that contained money for Obamacare.”

—Ezra Klein

On the other hand, here’s the Dems saving Bush’s Medicare D program back in 2006.

“I voted against it, but once it passed I certainly determined that I would try to do everything I could to make sure that New Yorkers understood it, could access it, and make the best of it.”

—Hillary Clinton

That’s why I still have an iota of respect for Democrats, because they still have an iota of humanity. Check out that entire article over on the DailyKos: How Democrats Helped Republicans Save BushCare. If the Dems are run out of office I am not sure they will be as magnanimous in the future. I fear we are now entrenched in our two camps—a situation I still predict will be our undoing.

Oh, and Eric Stern over at The Salon handed Sean Hannity his ass last week. It was glorious. But Fox doesn’t do retractions, so you probably never heard about it. I understand why they don’t do retractions. If someone asked Hercules to coordinate all the retractions for Fox News, he would probably say, “Umm, can I just wrestle that giant squid again?”

Essentially, Stern hunted down every guest on a particular Hannity episode (6) and re-interviewed each of them over the phone. He found that five of the six didn’t understand Obamacare and they all stood to save huge if they actually signed up at an exchange. The sixth guest, who allegedly laid people off because of Obamacare, couldn’t really explain what the layoffs had to do with his decision to cut jobs. It was an 0 for 6 moment for Sean…you know, the usual. The article is called Inside the Fox News Lie Machine.

Dear Sean,

There are tons of people who really are losing their policies to Obamacare, your inability to find any of them proves to me that you’re an incompetent lying boob.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. Kidding, I already knew that.

Now that Fox News has created an alternate political universe, they can simply wade through the damage and find endless Americans who believe their nonsense and then interview them accordingly. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: create a false political reality through propaganda (CFPRTP).

Step 2: eventually you can just interview your own viewers who will then, lo-and-behold, agree with everything you say. It’s like magic! WWII Joseph Goebbels like magic.

Step 3: rinse, lather, and repeat falsehoods.

It’s that easy! It’s all some sick self-fulfilling prophecy. Foxeteers are likely to be hurt by Obamacare, but only because they fear it so much. They won’t sign up and they won’t reap the benefits. So even with that pre-existing condition of theirs, they will likely die sooner. I want them to go away, but not like this. I predicted those more liberal states would eventually get Obamacare right. Unfortunately, I am predicting huge ongoing delays in certain square states, who simply refuse to take their socialized medicine.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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