Franco-Swiss “Research” Alliance Will Create Earth-Swallowing Black Hole!

L. Wolfe

Franco-Swiss “Research” Alliance Will Create Earth-Swallowing Black Hole!
By L. Wolfe

The French and Swiss governments unveiled a new weapon of mass destruction costing in excess of nine billion dollars. This weapon, the most terrible and destructive force ever conceived by man, will soon swallow the Earth in a man-made black hole. Those of the mind that France is already a stinking black hole will not be entirely surprised by this development.

This massive superweapon has been developed with the financial aid of the European Union and the United States under the name “Large Hadron Collidor” (with the spiffy – yet fairly unimaginative – abbreviation of LHC). This supposed physics experiment is designed to find the Higgs Boson particle and to study high energies like those present during the Big Bang. Higgs Boson? Nine billion…to look for something that sounds like it hails from Hazzard County? Ge-ge-ge, I’m going to get those Higg Bosons ge-ge-ge.

It has been said that results of experiments using the LHC could prove Superstring, Grand Unified, or the Hawking Wet Dream (HWD), theory.

What is it?

The Large Hadron Collidor is a giant machine located on the border of France and Switzerland. The LHC consists of a 27 km circular “tube” at the European physics research facility known as CERN. Essentially, it is used to accelerate particles to very high speeds and energies, crash them into targets, and study what happens.

What is it really?

A weapon.

How does it work?

Imagine I give you a fancy watch, say a Rolex, and ask you to tell me exactly what it’s made of. I give you no tools and make you wear boxing gloves. How can you do it? Well, you could throw it against a brick wall and study the pieces on the floor. (In this analogy, you = LHC, and the Rolex = a particle.)

What is it Supposed to do?

In Search of the ge-ge-ge Higgs Boson

The Higgs Boson is the holy grail for particle physicists in their on-going quest for the meaning of life via the life of Brian. Fine, you try working all of the Python movies into a single sentence sometime, wise guy. The Higgs Boson is a crazy particle that only exists, theoretically, at very high energies. Current particle accelerators can generate the energies required to create a Higgs Boson, but it’s unlikely to actually happen. So how does this translate? Nine billion and we only get Boson? Or part of Boson? I never even liked him anyway (hours of my life waiting for a brief Daisy Duke short shot. Butt I digress). The probability of finding Higgs or Boson is so low that no one has ever even seen a Higgs Boson in all the years of operating these high-energy, high cost particle accelerators. Although, one scientist from the Oak Ridge National Laboratory claims that one of the ‘o’s from the Higgs Boson may have rolled behind his desk during a staff x-mas party.

In order to increase the probability of finding one of these rarest of particles, we need a higher energy accelerator than anything yet in operation. Enter the French and their half baked plans to destroy mother GAIA by hurling her subatomic children at the proverbial wall. Besides, what’s the big deal with this Higgs Boson anyway? Well, it has to do with the gauge invariant piece of the Standard Model of Particle Physics. What the hell is that, you ask? Apparently, there is broken-gauge-symmetry with respect to the electroweak force (one of the two fundamental forces of nature). Huh? Well, in order to explain this breaking of gauge invariance there needs to be another field, these are called the Higgs field, which eventually get us to the Higgs particle. If the Higgs field actually exists, then all is well in the Universe. If the Higgs particle is found not to exist, something else must have rolled under that desk back at Oak Creek. Physicists refer to The Higgs field and Higgs particle as minimalist theories. A minimalist theory is the simplest explanation for a phenomenon, which may well be related to ‘Occam’s Ferret,’ but don’t quote me on that (Wikipedia is down).

What makes the LHC a Suspected Superweapon?

First of all, its name is misleading. Is it a Large Collider of Hadrons or is it a Collider of Large Hadrons? This double speak proves this deceptive rouse is actually a superweapon designed to swallow the earth.

Second, the French are involved, and everyone knows that the French are elitists bent on global domination. With this superweapon they won’t need to actually fight anyone, they’ll just suck the Earth into black holed oblivion, along with their own Sartre-like nihilistic asses. No good existential hump wads (EHW).

Third, particle accelerators already exist around the world that can produce energies adequate for studying all of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd generation particles. Why go any further, especially on the first date?

Fourth, there is no need for such a facility, and here’s why. The Standard Model of Particle Physics, proposed in the 1960’s, is essentially unchanged. This is a highly accurate theory that has been tried and tested for over 40 years—truly an amazing achievement. We can now describe and predict almost all aspects of how the universe works on the smallest scale. In fact, it’s only at very high energies in very unique circumstances that the Standard Model of Particle Physics runs into some very minor discrepancies. It’s so good, in fact, that it has been used to accurately calculate the dimensionless magnetic moment (g-factor) of an electron to 13 decimal places 2.0023193043622. How accurate is that, you may ask? Here’s an analogy:

Let’s say you were going to drive 10,000 miles south from Anchorage, Alaska— exactly 10,000 miles, with an accuracy of 13 decimal places. I want you to tell me where you would end up.

Figure 1. Punta Arenas, Chile

You may say you’ll end up in South America somewhere. That’s accurate to about 1 decimal place. You may say you’ll end up in Chile somewhere. That’s accurate to about 2 decimal places. You may say you’ll end up in Punta Arenas, Chile. Now we’re talking, you’re really honing in on it! That’s accurate to about 3 decimal places. Nice place by the way, Punta Arenas. Lovely red-light district.

Anyway, assume you want to predict where in Punta Arenas you’ll arrive. How about at the Museum de Hernando De Magallanes? That’s accurate to about 6 decimal places. You may say you want to arrive at the base of the statue of Hernando De Magallanes at the Museum de Hernando De Magallanes in Punta Arenas. That’s good to about 7 decimal places.

So how close would you need to be to get to 12 decimal places of accuracy over your 10,000 mile trip? In order to be accurate to 12 decimal places, you would have to predict your final location to within the width of a human hair!

Figure 2. Statue of Hernando De Magallanes at the Museum de Hernando De Magallanes

Why did I run you through this exercise? Anything we could potentially find out from the experiments at the LHC could only improve our accuracy in describing and predicting our universe to the 14th decimal place. It’s not going to change anything in those first 13 decimal places. Nine billion dollars for one measly decimal place! These experiments will provide no practical benefit for you and I. It’s as useful as predicting our arrival destination at the statue of Hernando De Magallanes at the Museum de Hernando De Magallanes in Punta Arenas after driving from Anchorage Alaska to within 1/10 of the width of a human hair.

Seems there must be a little more to this Franco-Swiss project, perhaps a military application, hmmm?

Besides, did I mention the French are involved?

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