Spygate As Cover For Sedition, And Other Fun Things Republicans Do In Their Spare Time

I’m aware the Spygate nonsense is among the least read articles on my blog, but it’s nevertheless important to identify how republicans operate and the associated dangers of allowing their lies to go unchallenged. Yes, Poke, a factoid blown out of proportion is a form of a lie, especially when these factoids are used to generate wild conspiracies as a means to distract the American public from sedition. Following this simple strategy, they can and will effectively tear down our republic. And they’ll do this willingly to aid and abet a known felon, work steadily against their own interests, while taking the word of a political party that has yet to get a scandal right, at least historically speaking. But this time’s gonna be different! No. No it’s not. It’s zenwrongness, or forever being wrong in the moment. And they will hold us all hostage until the last one of their fool inquiries are all answered to their satisfaction, which is impossible when it’s forever garbage in, garbage out. This has been a key prediction of mine for many years. Take Benghazi, no really, take it. Countless ongoing investigations, never-ending questions, nothing relevant to the initial inquiry ever surfaces yet they keep doubling down on their dipshit. It’s just one whopping MAGA-mega-audit fracturing into ever deeper labyrinthine layers of QDroppings and Foxal matter. The rabid hole. As for Spygate, my friend does not feel Crossfire Hurricane, or Razor, or even the investigation into Russian interference itself was properly predicated—all have zero merit. My friend somehow knows more than the Feds, the judges involved, a couple of AGs, our congressional intel committees, and all three special counsels combined. He must have had his Wheaties this morning. I just hope they weren’t laced.

Republicans can create these phantasms to distract from impeachment, war crimes, election stealing, tax cuts for the rich, unecessary wars, or whatever is the GOP’s scheme of the moment. Essentially one crazy person’s unverified Youtube video can lead our country to the brink. And Pokey, You.Are.That.Crazy.Person. Any argument can be made by anyone, so all conspiracy theories are currently on the table. This embodies my warning of the coming shift from post-truth to post-reality. The one notable exception? Actual republican crimes committed in broad daylight; they remain closed for discussion. Those needn’t be addressed until the last of their fictional inquiries are answered to their satisfaction, aka never. See how it works? Worst president in history, but we can’t discuss his record, or even his pending criminal one, until we follow them down the rabid hole.

Distraction

[dəˈstrakSH(ə)n] NOUN
  1. a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.
    “the republican party chose to investigate the investigators and whatnot in an effort to draw attention from arguably the most criminal presidential administration in US history.” [Fine, I changed the example.]

Some republican senators are diving into election fraud, not because they believe this shitznik, but they are being held hostage by Trump’s base. Their delusion is now our reality. Trump’s Georgia “vote-finding” efforts—and Lindsey Graham’s for that matter—may well qualify as sedition. Trump’s efforts, as usual, are like an Easter egg hunt …for the Mafia. Here comes Peter Rottentail? 

I can hear Pokey now, but this guy on YouTube said blah, blah, blah, so therefore coup. All the cool kids are doing it. And remember to subscribe to my reptilian agenda vids too, kids! No, really …I have some of those. I can’t keep up with the garbage the right is peddling, but somehow I must. They would happily send liberals to jail for their fictional crimes, while they commit real ones with impunity. And, if Trump had won a second term, this collective delusion would be complete …it still may be.

Back to Spygate. Let’s start with some definitions as my friend seems confused:

Investigation

[inˌvestəˈɡāSH(ə)n] NOUN
  1. the action of investigating something or someone; formal or systematic examination or research.
    “he is under investigation for receiving illicit funds”
    synonyms:

Fun Fact: This first example that pops up on the web is also something Trump is guilty of. Granted, it’s not ha ha funny.

And:

Indictment

[inˈdītmənt] NOUN
  1. NORTH AMERICAN
    a formal charge or accusation of a serious crime.
    “an indictment for conspiracy”

Fun Fact: Donald Trump …well, you get the idea.

An indictment generally means the Feds already have the goods on you, aka You.Are.Toast. On the flip-right-side, an investigation is never allowed on our side, yet is always relevant for whatever their cranks can dream up. This has been true at least as long as I’ve been following politics (circe 9/12/2001).

Pattern Alert: Let’s scrutinize Clinton and Obama (the 11th and 12th ranked presidents) while ignoring Dubya and Trump (last and slightly below last).

In order for my blogvesary’s argument to have any relevance, they’d have had to have skipped to indicting Trump and Co, minus all the research/investigation. He thinks, somehow, there’s no reason to have ever looked at the 2016 election issues, or any of Trump’s business dealings. It’s madness. My friend doesn’t understand why I am not budging on my initial predictions in light of all his new and “damning” information, but here are my original predictions from day one of the Russia investigation.

Russian interference = Yes. Confirmed

Collusion = Yes (but full conspiracy, the so-called actual crime = 50/50). I never said they’d get him on conspiracy, at least for this one.

Obstruction of Justice = Yes. More in the books now with the addition of Weissman’s disclosure (Mueller’s number two).

Money laundering, or other white collar crimes = Coming soon. Closer now that he’s indictable.

Compromised due to aforementioned financial issues or white collar crimes = ditto. Yes, I will repost this post the trial.

My initial predictions will stay close to the historical accounts, so why change it? As for collusion, the senate intelligence report supports Mueller. Stone, Manafort and Trump were all obstructionists, but Trump and co. still managed to get busted for collusion. The report itself “exposes interactions and information exchanged between Russian intelligence officer Konstantin Kilimnik and then-Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort.”

Per Mueller, The “other matters within the scope of 28 C.F.R. § 600.4(a)” include “federal crimes committed in the course of, and with intent to interfere with, the Special Counsel’s investigation, such as perjury [and] obstruction of justice.” 28 C.F.R. § 600.4(a).

Pokey recently asked me to be more clear on FB messenger, so, simply put, collusion and obstruction. Let’s not forget while Poke is making stuff up that Fing creep was just pardoned by individual #2. Not Pokey. He is going to jail for his crimes. Kidding, my friend.

When the NY hearings are finalized these last two items, aka woefully compromised and dubious financial ties, will be in the books. This will not phase Pokey’s ilk, what could? My friend and his ilk won’t stop until his own theories reach the desk of Hillary, Joe, or Barack, aka never.

I would add that I was never against the Spygate investigation, certainly not the Horowitz chapter. I joked a lot about Durham because they didn’t like the desired results of the first investigation, so they needed a second opinion. Mommy, daddy doesn’t want to buy me a pony. But, in general, why not look into how our crappy-ass US sausage is made? America is hopelessly dysfunctional, so “researching” shit, as a general rule, is fine with me. There are a lot of mistakes on the intelligence side of this equation, which I also predicted. Why else would I predict this? Most of our intelligence community is comprised of republicans, not Democrats so—

[Men In Barack joke removed by the Decency Commission.]

Pokey and I are in agreement on the need for an ongoing investigation into Fedsylvania. Granted, I don’t predict their scandal will reach any prominent Democrats. My friend, on the other hand, maintains it’s the only “logical” conclusion, which is further proof of its inaccuracy.

Here’s my questions for my friend:

You have never even acknowledged how Russia interfered with our election and preferred Trump? Do you, like Trump, still deny these facts?

Per USA Today, the intelligence agencies confirmed Russia was behind the DNC hack, pokey believes the one dude who disagrees. He sent me the link, somewhere. It doesn’t take much for him to disagree with all the spooks in spookville, does it?

Knowing everything we know now, are you really saying our intelligence agency should have ignored what was happening on the lead up to the 2016 election?

That’s a rhetorical question.

I always try different approaches to make my point so, with that in mind, let’s try something completely similar:

Seventeen Intelligence agencies confirm the Kremlin is interfering in our 2012 election and that they prefer Mitt Romney over Barack Obama. President Obama is denying this outright, and, per a special counsel, he obstructed the investigation into his role in the matter. Intelligence reports show David Axelrod was meeting secretly with Russian spies to collude with them on the election, but Axelrod refused to cooperate, went to jail and was later pardoned by Obama.

The investigation was started by the Feds after Obama aide Lisa O. Monaco was overheard bragging about colluding with Moscow to procure an Obama victory, as well as raw intelligence that surfaced as part of Mitt Romney’s campaign research through British Intelligence that suggests: 1. Russia had a widespread strategy to interfere through dissemination of misinformation on social media (later corroborated), 2. the they preferred Obama in the election (later corroborated), 3. that Obama is financial compromised to the Kremlin (pending), and 4. they may have a video of Obama playing naked chess with known Russian prostitutes (see? fictional Obama is still classier).

Meanwhile, Obama’s foreign policy remains absurdly pro-Russian, to the point he ignored the Kremlin’s placement of bounties on the heads of American troops in Afghanistan. He also continues to ignore, or even acknowledge, a lengthy list of Russian wrongdoing which includes positioning British officials and the worst cyber attack in our nation’s history, among other low lights.

Dozens of Obama admin officials met with Russian spies on the lead up to the 2012 election, but all “forgot” or lied about these meetings to the Feds. Obama is now being investigated by the State of Hawaii for shady financial ties to the Kremlin. (Side note, Obama was born in Kenya). President Obama was trying to open a sporting good store in Moscow, but lied about this ongoing plan to the press.

Obama dangled pardons, not only to Axelrod, but to several other key aids and attempted to fire the special counsel. The Special Counsel report shows attempted collusion, but clear obstruction surfaced through witness tampering and the promise of pardons. Podesta, Monaco and several other Obama aides were eventually pardoned and the Attorney General, Eric Holder, maintains that the special counsel report exonerates Obama, or Obama’s interpretation “no collusion, no obstruction.” The Special counsel later protested Holder’s characterization of his work, and the 2nd in command of the investigation later stated, Obama should clearly be tried for obstruction.

See, I avoided a black crimes matter joke. It’s part of my New Years’ resolution package.

I’m sure the Sean Hannitys would have ignored all of this because Obama is such a swell guy. Nothing here rises to the level of a formal or informal looksee, eh? Let sleeping Dems lie? With all we know about this matter today, this is still your opinion? Oh, and the day after Obama’s “exoneration,” he is impeached for colluding with another foreign country in a similar manner as the proposed Russian collusion. Oh, and today Obama is threatening several state officials to “find the votes” to overturn the results of the 2012 election… Hey, but there’s a Youtube video by this guy that proves Obama’s alternate election theory, but Obama can’t actually articulate this argument to the American people so he has to enlist the aid of my friend, Pokey, and this Youtube video guy. Uggg. If the absurdity of your position is finally coming into clarity during this version, Poke, I think we’ve identified the problem.

One last question, if all of your conspiracy theories are true, which, again, has never happened, how does this absolve Trump of all of his crimes? It’s time to find another hobby. In fact, support Hobby Lobby because liberals certainly aren’t.

Crap, I almost forgot the main one:

Sedition

/səˈdiSH(ə)n/ NOUN
  1. conduct or speech inciting people to rebel against the authority of a state or monarch.


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

  1 comment for “Spygate As Cover For Sedition, And Other Fun Things Republicans Do In Their Spare Time

  1. Mick Zano
    January 6, 2021 at 8:26 PM

    Damn, I’m behind on this one. I tried, really i did. In·sur·rec·tion
    /ˌinsəˈrekSH(ə)n/

    noun: insurrection; plural noun: insurrections

    a violent uprising against an authority or government.
    “the insurrection was savagely put down”

    Wait, this is more of Dim·sur·rec·tion. a violent uprising against an authority or government by dolts. “the Dimsurrection was put down by Nelson. Ha ha.”

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