I Know We Have Our Differences, Pokey, But Can’t We At Least Agree That I’m Always Right?

I commend the notions that most religions foster, such as moral restraint, humility, community cooperation and asceticism. These are good things, but your fundamentalist approach invariably strays faster than the Ghetto Shaman on a Barely Legal Kundalini Cruise. Pokey is no different. There’s something inherently wrong with organized religion. It’s kind of like watching Real Time on TiVo or farting during an NPR segment of Fresh Air.

This is a rebuttal to Pokey’s less than stellar efforts, here.

I believe most religious-minded individuals are not focused on encouraging and promoting spiritual growth. For them, it’s always been more about eliminating choices for others…in the name of freedom! Sunday mass is a mass of conflicting beliefs. It doesn’t promote free thinking. Quite the contrary, organized religion’s primary focus has always been about indoctrination and obedience with an extra helping of contradiction. Oppositional reliance?

Hell, even your Biblical God didn’t try to eliminate choices the way you are. Eden had naked chicks and forbidden fruit hanging all over the place, to say nothing of Firkin Fig Leaf Fridays. Viva Las Eden?

“Life is about pitfalls and choices, Pokey, that is why I am pro choices.”

—God

I know this to be true, because I fall into most of these aforementioned pitfalls on any given weekend. In related news, my sincere apologies to the people of the Dominican Republic. Eliminating all potential opportunities for sin is a fool’s errand. Christians, the nosey Ned Flanders of the world, remain overly transfixed on the actions of their neighbors. Organized religion is fraught with folks projecting their own inner demons onto others. Projectile Sermonizing?

Back in my old hood, the devout tried to block Cinemax and HBO—not because they wanted to change their own behaviors; they forever want to make sure YOU aren’t watching anything unseemly.

 

“I do what I want!”

—The Gospel of Cartman

 

Of course, our Catholic friends were likely way too busy taping all that smutty stuff…you know, to thoroughly assess Satan’s work. Cum out Virginia? The psych books call this sublimation—I call it damn annoying.

Only with choices do we have the opportunity to succeed or fail. Organized religion wants to shield people from the chance to either grow or stumble. It wants to keep their flock safely in the nest, forever…you know, like no other model in nature. Speaking of which, you mentioned a list of factors that point to the environmental “causes” for homosexuality with the line “but the facts seem to mean nothing to Democrats.” Uh, sorry Pokey, the field of psychology has not found any link between psycho-social factors and homosexuality. The bases of your argument is patently false. In related news, I have yet to find any link from your world to mine. One in ten mammals across the planet happen to be homosexual. So, I guess we should be asking ourselves these important questions: are liberal educators sneaking into the jungles of the world to encourage baboons to have gay sex? I remember that program, No Chimps Behind Left. Is the whole animal kingdom at risk of going kinky? Are invertebrates next? KY Jellyfish? Give me a break. Let’s debate stuff relevant to this planet.

 

Fact:

I would be willing to bet that no teacher ever encouraged either of our daughters to become lesbians, Pokey. But, should they end up in some guidance counselor’s office discussing such matters, they will now likely to receive more empathy, guidance and understanding. Sorry for any inconvenience this causes you.

 

Fact:

A mutual friend of ours very nearly offed himself in college during his own coming-out process. Whereas that really happened—and happens every day—examples of teachers encouraging gay sex remains anecdotal. Liberals are attempting to mitigate the very real anxiety associated with the coming-out process and thereby save lives. What conservatives are doing, as usual, defies comprehension.

 

 

The question remains, how can you forever perseverate on the mole hills and ignore all the mountains? Actually, this is the norm. Some related GOP bashing, here.

Meanwhile in Texas, doctors are not compelled to give medically accurate information to their patients, aka evidence-based advice is not mandatory. Essentially, doctors can lead the witness in an effort to decrease instances of birth control use and/or abortions. It’s not about the truth, Pokey, it’s about inflicting your questionable version of the truth onto others. Oh, and did we mention if you don’t follow our teachings the whole eternal damnation part? Liar and brimstone?

A recent Nicolas Baumard study points to affluence and free time being key catalysts behind the origins of organized religion. Religions likely spawned when folks finally had the time to kick back and think about shit. Likewise, the fall of societies can also be linked to a surplus of leisure time. This fact has as much to do with societal collapses as your list of anti-liberal conspiracy theories. Hey, so maybe idle time really is the devil’s playground? …or at least that’s when we invented the devil, on some playground.

Today’s conservatism has a healthy dose of delusion and likewise so does Christianity—and when they enmesh into our politics you end up with CPAC Run. When “the Big 3” broke from Gnosticism—which stressed a personal relationship with God and a focus on one’s own spiritual growth—our main religions lost any connection to the divine…and, boy, does it show.

Atheists aren’t very likely to endanger your freedoms, Pokey, but sadly Christians may well endanger mine. Your ilk forever gets its spiritual orders on Sunday and you get your political orders from Fox News the rest of the week. I see little value in either. No independent thinking necessary. Indoctri-Nation? I know, I know, you’re going to keep citing polls from Breitbart.com and studies from the Christian Science Monitor. Good luck with that. And don’t forget to keep reminding me how I’m ignoring “the facts”. Oh, and, as for your comments on anal sex, consider yourself reamed.

 

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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