Discord Deploys Yellow Submarines Against ISIS


Flagstaff, AZ—A long time ago in central Pennsylvania I left a bar called Sal Assante’s to find the streets filled with brawling people. Not knowing what to do, I started instinctively singing The Beatle’s Yellow Submarine. This seemed to pause the violence as everyone kind of stopped punching each other to look at the crazy person. Yesterday, I employed this same tactic in the streets of Flagstaff, Arizona, and once again my singing somehow ended the violence. So what if we weaponized the Fab Four and deployed specific Beatles songs to combat ISIS?

In fact, what if we used The Beatles to aid all of our foreign policy conundrums? You say you want a Revolution, well, Al-Qaeda, Meet the Beatles! What if we bang bang Maxwell’s Silver Hammer in Syria, or sing You Can’t Do That to keep Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons? Obama could sing Help! and Come Together when building regional coalitions or, perhaps, Rocky Raccoon himself could be deployed in Yemen or Somalia.

I implore our president to consider unleashing The Beatles on our enemies. Instead of tours in Iraq, why not have Magical Mystery Tours? Putin’s aggression could be repelled by singing Get Back!, I Just Don’t Understand, or Don’t Let Me Down. Perhaps we can even gradually turn around the entire Middle East with Getting Better, Glad All Over and Here Comes the Sun. If such tactics don’t work, well, Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.