Hey, Joe, Where You Going With My Gun in Your Hand?

Mick Zano

Team Obama claims to be 2nd Amendment rights advocates, but their voting record suggests otherwise. Time and time again, Obama has voted in favor gun control bills.   He even voted for a bill that would close several gun manufacturers such as Les Baer, Springfield Armory, and Armalite (among others).  Is Armalite designed for the gun-toter’s wives?  You know, with only half the calories as the leading handgun?  Our Vice President is perhaps even less friendly to the gun-toting NRA types and may well have had one of his minions pry Heston’s rifle from his cold, dead hands.  Perhaps more disturbing, the National Rifle Association has recently scored Joe the Veeper an F on his gun rights record.

Have you seen Heston’s vault by the way?  It looks like that guy’s basement from Tremors. Speaking of which, could you imagine a gun ban right before any fifties sci-fi movie?  I’d like to see Obama wrangle with a Triffid or some giant radioactively-enlarged insect with only his teleprompter.  Klingons, and Cylons, and Chuds, oh my.  OK, perhaps this is not the most compelling case for gun rights, but Sith Happens.

Here is the recap: Biden voted ‘no’ on current gun laws for those weapons sold without trigger locks.  He also voted ‘no’ on loosening background checks at gun shows, as well as ‘no’ on prohibiting lawsuits against gun manufacturers.  There clearly needs to be some regulations for those of us packing in this country, but these laws needn’t interfere with the ability of normal law abiding citizens to blow the shit out of nature (especially if nature comes alive in the form of the, aforementioned, Triffid).  Some of Biden’s decisions are good ones; however, the Obama Administration is pushing Congress to pass hr45, which requires every gun to be registered and re-registered annually.  This may not seem unreasonable to some (unless you’re Charlton Heston or that guy from Tremors), but, keep in mind, your ‘papers not being in order’ may result in a five-year jail sentence.  This tactic smells more like a playbook from the Bush fears.  Could you imagine going to jail for five years because your car inspection sticker expired?  I would never see the light of day.  Well, I shouldn’t…another bad example.

Since Bush’s Operation Freedom from Democracy, anyone can move their own agenda to absurd levels.  I’ve always asserted that if Obama becomes a monster about the first amendment (Fairness Doctrine and hate-speech police) as well as the second amendment (your papers please) then it is still the Bush supporters fault for allowing the systems of checks and balances to be overrun in the first place. This may come as a shock to some of you, but there are consequences when a democracy fails.  An almost infantile belief system bandied about during the Bush years:  ‘Sure, he’s expanding his powers, but he’s pushing my agenda so it’s OK,’ and ‘Sure, he’ll use these powers but only to get those bad guys,’ and ‘Sure, this is a lot like drowning, but why can’t I call my lawyer?’

Now some of you may get a taste of the other side of despotism.  If the Obama Administration goes insanely socialist then you will know how I felt as our country shifted toward fascism.  Not a good feeling.  I appreciate the day Russ Feingold stood up and censured Bush.  I don’t know what the hell censure means—neither does Feingold—but he said he didn’t want to tell his grandchildren he stood by and did nothing as it all went to hell. 

Democracy will end with thunderous applause and country music.

– Author Unknown

In many key ways Obama has yet to give back the One Ring of power.  In fact, he is using signing statements on existing laws and pushing through his agenda, much like the Rovian fear-mongers did.  I realize signing statements became an issue under Clinton, but abuses over the last eight-years have exposed this as a dangerous expansion of power that needs to be stopped.

If you supported Bush’s fascism throughout his tenor, you get what you deserve, Tex.  Oh, and if you do decide to secede, Texas, we get Amarillo.  Just to remind us how little we’ll miss you.  I am still holding out hope that Obama is a shrewd customer—that he gets it—that he won’t push a leftist agenda to absurd levels.  If he doesn’t restore the executive branch of our government and patch back together the Constitution, it’s still an accident waiting to Hillary.

Sometime in the future, we’ll live in a world where guns are much, much scarcer.  But no one should take your gun away.  Eventually you’ll put the gun down yourself—when the time is right.  Then you’ll pick up a club and find a good mate.  I have never owned a gun, but I strongly support ‘most’ gun rights on principle. In my view, forcing the issue—such as mandating gun control or, worse yet, suspending second amendments rights completely—would be a huge mistake.  If humans don’t self destruct first, someday there will be little need for firearms, outside of non-hunting sportsmanship and, of course, Triffid uprisings. 

As we evolve as a species crime will naturally decrease, as will our desire to hunt for animals and irritating neighbors.  This is not a judgment value, just a fact. Today, we should not trust our government enough to handover our weapons.  You can say what you want about Afghanistan, but those rugged buggers pushed back the Soviet Union and continue to be a thorn in our side as well.  Why?  They’re all packing some serious heat.  If we hand over all of our arms, right now, we could be easily occupied. Trust me, China will become increasingly incensed with our inability to make the minimum payment on our World Visa card (something I’ve been saying for years) and I really don’t want them coming over here to repossess my country. 

This will be an even touchier issue in the near future, as our military becomes increasingly under-funded and as other countries attempt to assert their dominance as we struggle to maintain our superpower status.  We might also need our guns if our Constitution is dissected any further, or if government shifts once again toward a more fascist regime.  We got a good taste of that recently.  But, for now, crime is booming and the hunting is fine, besides, our founding fathers thought it was very important that we have the right to say what we want (1st amendment) and the right to shoot what we want (2nd amendment).   Well, something like that…

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.