Revolution is in the Err: Bachman Boehner Overdrive

Mick Zano

Things Apparently Not Worth A Revolution (Bush)
  1. Deconstructing the Constitution
  2. Deconstructing the Bill of Rights
  3. Lying us into war
  4. Profiting off of said war
  5. Accruing a deficit greater than all previous presidents combined.
  6. Tanking our economy
Things Apparently Worth A Revolution (Obama)
  1. Throwing heaps of imaginary $ at a failing economy in the hopes of staving off a depression.

After eight years of sitting back, quietly, while our economy and our Constitution were systematically gutted, now, now, there is a new group freaking out?  Now, the right-wing attack dogs are stirring up a revolution?  “We’re losing our country, oh, the horror!”  This is not a battle between entrepreneurialism and progressives, but between fundamentalism and rationalism.  Sadly, the Republican base has embraced the only aspects of conservatism that should be purged from our collective psyche.  Fiscal conservatism, small government, and libertarianism are great stuff; let’s have that debate.  But this is more about ideology-based religious drivel.  Jesus is not pro-Bush, people; although, if memory serves, he did say, “Blessed are the speds,” didn’t he? So Bush should be covered.

Bill Maher, Richard Dawkins, and Christopher Hitchens have championed rationalism in recent years.  Although they wear their own bias on their sleeves (scientism), their attack on fundamentalist thinking is dead-on. It is very, very dangerous to have so many people actually slipping back down the Beck/Cowan spiral (including me).  If you don’t know what I am talking about, read God Is Not Great by Hitchens, or rent Maher’s Religulous. But don’t do it on the Sabbath.  Even God has His limits.

As long as a God-fearing, righteous dude is in charge, we don’t need checks and balances, but God forbid the other side reaches for the crown and scepter.  Now Republicans, or more accurately, social conservatives, are saying “shit, what was that thing called, where we wrote down those law rule thingies?  The Declaration of Magna Carta?”

These (R) Van Winkles were just peachy even during the darkest days of the Bush administration, because Bush was torturing for God.  Now, when desperate measures have been implemented amidst these desperate times, now, now, it’s Tea Party time?  (I’m not talking about the Paulites. I would join their Tea Party any time.)  I’m talking about the rest of you Malkin-blogging, Coulter-worshipping Cranks out there (sorry, Goomis).

The bad news is this: Obama is acting less integral and more liberal than hoped.  Throwing wads of imaginary money at our problems is not going to help.  Socialism is not going to help, giving more welfare to the drug dealer down the street is not going to help, and universally bad healthcare for a country on the brink of bankruptcy is not going to help.  But the reaction to our new leader has been appalling since day one.

With Obama in office about a month and a half, Congresswoman Michele Bachman (R) called for a revolution based on Obama’s economic policies, noting: “There’s something that’s happening this week in Congress that could be the eventual unraveling for our freedom.”

Holy shit!  What rock did you crawl out from under, lady?  Boehner and Bachman and the rest of the intellectually challenged were all for Bush’s bailout and buying-out failing banks when it was their guy signing the bill.  The Republicans were prepared, from day one it seems, to attack Obama regardless of his policies, because they were always more focused on playing “pin the fail on the donkey” than saving America.  This from “real” Americans.

The talking points from day one became, hey, let’s blame that guy.

Roger Ailes: “Are people going to buy this?  Shouldn’t we wait until Obama is in office a few weeks?”

Rupert Murdoch: “Naaaah, have you talked to our base lately?”

The right-wing is not reeling in kooks like Beck and Bachman because it’s part of their apocalyptical agenda.  They’re “taking care of business,” so to speak.

Glenn Beck is the perfect example.  Say what you want about Glenn Beck, but he has consistently said, “We’re all screwed,” loud and clear, for quite some time.  We can at least agree on that.  But Ailes and Murdoch watched Beck rant and rave on CNN until the moment Obama stepped into office, then shifted him over to FOX and then ratcheted up the Rovian fear machine.  Now Glenn Beck fits their agenda.   Three months ago, he was bonkers. 

Try putting the blame where it is deserved, people:  1.) Bush for being asleep at the economic switch, destroying our credibility, and botching a couple of wars;  2.) Certain Dems for their part in the sub-prime mortgage fiasco; and 3.) Wall-Street greed, which has reached levels not seen since, well, they’ve always sucked; it’s what they do.  But they went unchecked every single day Bush was in office. (However, let’s not forget a lot of the regs were initially waived under Clinton).

Astute folks all over our country had to sit by for years watching us destroy ourselves, and any dissent was viewed as anti-American.  Obama’s honeymoon period, as predicted, was canceled by the neo-cons immediately.  It’s true, Obama’s strategy isn’t going to work; but he didn’t break the damn stock market.  Sure, he no longer has to follow the Constitution, but guess what?  That’s not his fault either. 

I gave Obama a 15% chance of fixing the economy.  (I was feeling generous that day).  My two hopes, since circa 2004, were that Bush and Cheney would leave the White House in handcuffs, or at least that the depression would be named “W.”  (0 for 2).  Bush will author books, with lots of colored pictures, and it will be called The Obama Depression. Bastards!

What could be more anti-American than backing a developmentally disabled semi-fascist for eight years and then betting against the economic recovery?  Enter Rush Limbaugh.  Pokey McDooris gave this guy a B + on the integral scale, for being wrong on just about everything for a decade.  And now that Obama is in, he’s rooting for our country’s economic collapse? 

Nailed it, Poke. 

Are the Ron Paul people, the radical far-left, and the fundamental base of the Republican Party going to galvanize into one negative force that will pull us apart?  Talk about strange bedfellows. Well, it would be fun to watch from a distance

How can I even attend a respectable protest anymore?  What corner of the mob should I head for?  Or in other words, why go to a tea party with a bunch of Bushies?  Fox is inciting these riots with rhetoric like, “Should we be protesting?  Should we be outraged?”  Yes, we should be, for everything you assholes have supported for the last eight years.    

Me, I’m going to wait to see what happens before I spark up the torch and brandish my pitchfork.  I’m thinking my theme will be “Keggers for Freedom,” with blues bands playing until midnight. All proceeds will go to local farmers and legalizing marijuana (I have glaucoma in my left eye).  Who’s with me?

People are vehemently attacking the Dems, but the fact is Obama has earned the right to finish this country off.  Your guy was about the worst ever, and after 2004 there was never any coming back.  It is going to be a very different country from here on out, but you can stop being wrong anytime now, peeps.  The S.S. Economy hit the iceberg during the Bush fears, and I am personally much more comfortable with an intelligent, rational, articulate president shuffling us all toward the lifeboats.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, the band is striking up “Nearer, My God, to Thee” over by the Grand Staircase. 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.