Most Discord staffers believe image license agreements are “the work of the devil” or could represent “a slippery slope to bestiality.” Keep in mind, most Discord staffers likely smoked a similar joint to the one depicted in the stolen image prior to this fictional interview.

The Discord’s permanent intern and PhotoShopper, Mick Zano, said, “Eureka! I have arrived at the Promised Dispensary! I can stick this giant joint in the face of Obama, Boehner, the Pope, Batman, Beyonce, the possibilities are endless. This image alone could keep my family in beer and coffee for the next two months.”

Zano’s Photoshop statement was later downgraded to Elements as Mr. Winslow apparently wouldn’t spring for the full Photoshop package. The Discord staffer later admitted he doesn’t even have Photoshop Elements, or a family.  He does all Discord images in a sort of Fortranesque Etch-a-Sketch. Actually, Zano just makes shit up, which makes him perfect for the field of spliff…er, I mean spoof news.

Mr. Winslow would like to remove the word “perfect” from that last sentence and replace it with an image of a man passed out in a urinal.