Dems Confused Why Billions of Imaginary Dollars Not Helping Economy

Washinton, DC — A confused Barak Obama addressed the press this Tuesday on the country’s continued economic woes.

“We printed more cash.  In fact, we printed a shitload more cash. Why on God’s green Earth it hasn’t helped is beyond me.”

President Obama intends to ‘stay the course’ with regards to his economic strategies and enthusiastically unveiled his ‘Build More Printers’ initiative.  Obama believes by doubling the number of existing Federal Reserve printers, we can stop the country’s financial bleeding.

“If more meaningless money isn’t enough,” states Obama, “then it’s time to really crank out the fundage.”

To the Obama Administration’s credit, the plan is gaining some modest support amongst the economically clueless. 

Integral Men Are Real Men: Cranken Revisited

Mick Zano

Real men are integral men.  Meditation increases blood flow to the brain, thickens the cerebral cortex, boosts immunity, lessens stress, promotes better sex, and promotes better everything, frankly.  In response to your ‘tribute to Cheney’ article, and other slams on yours truly, the John Wayne’s of the world have had their time.  Whereas I can commiserate with your touch of nostalgia; Bush’s cowboy brand of justice is out of style.  That is not to say aspects of this perspective aren’t sometimes necessary, but the people you champion consistently place personalities before principles (very consistently).

Begrudgingly I admit my own error on Sept 12th, 2001 when I said under my breath, “I’m glad a Republican is in office.”

See, I am fallible. I knew, even then, that aspects of green (liberal pluralism) would not work horribly well against red (tribalism) and amber (fundamentalism).  Al Gore may well have hid under his desk, as my mother-in-law asserts.  Who knows?  Regardless, we must elect government officials who function higher along the consciousness spectrum, if we hope to survive as a country.

Bush and Cheney championed a level of consciousness popular in a pre-modern world, and we’ve seen how effective a John Wayne-esque hero performs amidst a flattening/shrinking global community.  George Bush played John Wayne for eight years, which would have been fine circa 1800-1808, but he tried it in 2000-2008.  All-or-none thinking has no place at the top tier of the U.S. government.  There are more choices than war/appeasement, good guy/bad guy, or friend/enemy.  If you can not see shades of grey, fine, but do the world a favor and stay out of public office.

As for finances, my 401K speaks for itself; it says, “cash me in and by an imported keg.”

As for safety, forgive some of us for having reached the point when we feel that our own safety is not worth the cost of millions of other “outsiders.”   In a flat world we will never be secure with short-sighted policies.  In fact, we will never be safe as long as we are mind numbingly self-serving.  Your view champions a brand of economic exploitation and cruelty that have followed us through human history since the late Cambrian Trilobite uprising. I believe Hiraldo covered that.

With some skill, luck, and a more integral approach to these issues, America can navigate these rough waters.  Ever since McCarthyism, when the fear of nuclear annihilation hijacked the zeitgeist, our government has suffered from what eastern thought designates as samara, which can be summed up as greed, hatred, and delusion.  This can most easily be applied to gentleman Dick: greed (Haliburton), hatred (torture policies), and delusion (we’re making America safe). In my view, integral leadership will embrace human dignity, mutual respect, and mutual interest.  You will increasingly here these concepts as we move forward into the new millennia.  Unless, of course, one of your peeps gets the nod, in which case it’s naked pyramid time (NPT).

“Go away?  Get over it?”  Goomis, Goomis. Whenever we think the basement has been reached new evidence is revealed.

In a recent Washington Post article, Karen DeYoung and Peter Finn asserted: “The previous administration a) tortured detainees, making it harder to prosecute dangerous terrorists; b) released bad guys while detaining good guys; and c) neglected to keep comprehensive files on possible terrorists who’ve been in U.S. custody for several years.”

Even if you support a more empire-esque approach to battling the heathens, how is this helping?   In an attempt to head you off at the all-or-none pass—no, everyone against torture is not against interrogations of any kind. Nor do we all believe that detainees should all be released with a nice fruit basket and an apology letter.  There are ways to keep us safe without losing who we are or the rule of law.

Channel 4 News (BBC) two weeks ago broke the story how the Bush Administration threatened the British Government if allocations of torture were made public in the case of British detainee Binyam Mohamed (then part of Bush’s top secret: Operation Scrotal Electrode). The U.S. State Department warned that any release of torture evidence during the trial would “result in serious damage to US national security and could harm intelligence information sharing arrangements between our two governments.” Bush and Co. were quite willing to give up intelligence gathering with our staunchest ally, further endangering our troops as well as homeland security, to cover for their own war crimes.  Your ‘heroes’ went on to say the release of any torture allegation in court might cause “serious and lasting damage to the US-UK intelligence sharing relationship, and thus the national security of the UK.”

Real men are apparently traitors.  I think profiting off of the death of U.S. soldiers is treasoness as well, but at this point who’s counting? Oh yeah…ME!

On a side note, I have consistently asserted that Tony Blair will be the only one to remain silent.  Blair probably despises Bush more than anyone, but his legacy is too intertwined with Bush’s to ever come clean. I pity him. He was far, far shrewder than Bush ever was, and he deserved better.

The crime is Bush, and the cover up is Hannity.  My self-righteous ire stems from Hannity’s miserable and futile attempt to rewrite history.  Bush will forever wallow in the bottom tier of American presidents and only if no other shred of damnable data emerges (not bloody likely).  Bush and his minions will likely sink to the level of ‘worst ever.’   People who think his legacy is salvageable are dead wrong, as they have been wrong all along about nearly everything.

Your point about my self-righteous ventings is well taken. After all, human bravery starts with self-knowledge and each challenge must be shifted into the bodhi (sorry, another vocab word).  Appointing blame has little to do with an integral practice.  Essentially you are right with your mirror analogy.  Bush is a reflection, but not of me.  He is the reflection of a sick collective, fraught with fear, addictions, and psychotropic medications.  Instead of damning or championing these events, we should be shifting toward common support for this new administration to better align ourselves with the Tibetan’s pawo, the Toltec’s warrior’s path, or the Ghetto Shaman’s Naked Midget Reiki.

You stated in your article, “I don’t like anything I see.”

Er…while you were still cheering on the ‘War on Error’ that was my position in 2002. Welcome aboard the S.S. Disillusioned (better late than never).

You are afraid of the do-gooders of the world and any projects designed to correct problems on a governmental level, yet you didn’t support Ron Paul?  If you recall, he was my pick for the Republican ticket.  Over the last eight years Republicans ditched fiscal responsibility and small government and then, the moment the Dems get in, it’s “oooh, oooh, there they are under the table.”

You backed the fascist and now you are lecturing others on fascism?  Yes, the liberal media sucks, but why do you still support the Washington Talking Points Network?  The Discord’s Integral Media segments have rated both Republicans and Democrats harshly.

You should fear the libetards but don’t fear integral leadership.  Ultimately, whereas your version of leadership will affect me quite negatively, my version of leadership will not affect you, well, not negatively anyway.  You can go on to rant in your columns.  Unfortunately champions of your level will impose their own level onto others.

Since this is ‘world gone wild’ time, and, sadly, I’m not talking about perky spring breakers; it’s time to meditate or medicate.  There are fewer and fewer choices in between these days as we become a psychotropic nation.

Alas, trying to convince the Bin Ladens of the world that blowing up innocents is not what Allah had in mind, or trying to convince the Pat Robertsons of the world that there are many ways to enlightenment, or trying to convince the Bill Kristols of the world that a free market is not the only God, well, as Ken Wilber asserts, there are better ways to spend a Saturday night.

DNA Reveals Santa Slayer Actually Just Santa’s Helper

Covina, CA — DNA results now prove the Santa Gunman, responsible for killing nine people and injuring three others on December 25th, is not the real McCoy. Sometimes Santa Claus goes on a killing spree, but sometimes, just sometimes, he hires a Blackwater-like group of mercenaries to do his Yule-time slaying.

“It is a sad day at the North Pole when Santa Claus has to outsource his hits,” says a former consultant to the Kringle family.

The disgruntled elf is very disappointed with his former boss’ behavior.

“Granted, the naughty list is getting longer, but if the fat bastard feels strongly enough about homicide, he should do it himself.”

Fat Bastard, annoyed by the comment, is suing the elf for slander.

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Dear Ghetto Shaman,

You are obviously a gifted writer, but what was your first book ever?  I want to hear more about your early period.  You know, when you were a struggling artist trying to find yourself.  What was the motivation behind your urge to become a shaman?

Lance Parker

Troy, NY

Dear Lance,

My interest in healing came from a divine hormonal calling, which began with a vision of that chick from Weird Science in a Catwoman costume.  My first book captures the true essence of my desire for self-mastery: What is Enlightenment and Will It Get Me Laid?

Sincerely,

The Ghetto Shaman

A Stimulating Conversation with Fox: I Got Your Package Right Here

Mick Zano

This is going to be a catastrophe!

— Dick Morris

“Going to be”?  Three weeks ago the global market came a hair’s length away from completely collapsing.  The only thing keeping it alive is imaginary money.  I repeat, “going to be”?

— Mick Zano

Obama’s gloom and doom is not helping the market!

— Sean Hannity

Oh, that’s right; you’re supposed to lie your ass off to the twenty-percent of the population stupid enough to still believe your bullshit.

— Mick Zano

We could face a global meltdown that we’ve never seen the likes of!

— Stephen Moore

Ya, think?  Hey Wall Street guy, apparently that gloom and doom stuff isn’t helping.                                                                                      

— Mick Zano

I’m actually hoping that nothing cataclysmic happens to force them to do more bad things. 

— Rick Santorum (You heard right)

“More bad things”?  Obama hasn’t had time to do a list of bad things.  What he has done hasn’t had time to work or not work.  He just got here, but, if memory serves, you’re the guy that had eight years.

— Mick Zano

These quotes, minus mine, all occurred on Fox News 2/23/09 over the course of about twenty-five minutes (end of Hannity beginning of Van Susteren).  The folks at Fox are hedging their bets in the hopes that voting against our last ditch effort, which again, only has about a 15 percent chance of working, will help them in their road-warrior-wasteland-election to come.  Good luck with that.

All of the House Republicans just happened to vote ‘no’ on this stimulus package to kick off Operation Plausible Deniability, but I wonder which obstructionist is now getting the talking points over to Fox?  The propaganda used to be disseminated in an orderly fashion directly from the White House.  Hmmmm.

Remember, this is the same bunch that gladly brought us “Uhhh, where the hell did the last $700 billion go?”

Now they’re ALL getting a little queasy with Package, Part Deux.  Fox’s stance is, of course, painfully predictable, but I really thought they’d wait at least a few more months before blaming it all on Obama. They continue to have no respect for their listening audience.  Four weeks ago our debt was not the issue, there was nothing to see here, just please keep buying more shit, and ignore the man behind the curtain (he’s trying to reread My Pet Goat, shhh!).  The last gazillion dollars is not the problem, it’s this gazillion dollars…you know, the batch with the big (D) next to it.  Now the sky is falling.  Now the so-called fiscally conservative amongst us are suddenly questioning big spending and big deficits. Questioning that was strangely absent for the last eight-years.  Now they have seen the light.  The regular Fox watchers, that I know, all believed the economy would turn around in few months.  This was but some passing clouds.  Now, a few weeks later, under new management, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! FILM AT ELEVEN.  Give me a break.  What is this? Tape delay from the fucking coast?  For the record, I was ambivalent about both Obama’s and Bush’s bailout plans.  At this point in history we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  But let’s blame the person who broke the country, not the poor sap trying to fix it.  The Republicans, what’s left of them, are just playing Pin the Fail on the Donkey and the cost, either way, will be the American way of life. 

Top Ten Things We Should Nationalize Before They’re Gone

  1. The National Hockey League (national is already in it!)
  2. The Lesbian Gladiator Website (I’m begging you here)
  3. The Daily Discord  (Soon to be America’s Only News Source)
  4. The McLaughlin Group (except parts of Patrick Buchanan)
  5. Pot
  6. Netflix
  7. Potflix (save Reefer Madness!)
  8. The Polar Ice Caps
  9. Angelic Jolie’s breasts.
  10. France

Obama Administration Already Low on Promises

Washington, DC – President Obama admitted to the American people this week that the government is dangerously low on promises.  It is feared the U.S. Government can not maintain sustained growth without more, much needed, unrealistic promises.

“The promises we had in the Federal Reserve are all but gone.” warns Obama, “Only by manufacturing more vital, yet empty, promises can we hope to lead the global market from the brink of destruction.”

Obama vows not to use as many promises in the future.

“We have already taken away all of V.P. Joe Biden’s promises,” said Obama, but added that stretching out the remaining promises “won’t be easy.”

The President is urging the American people to sooth themselves with the promises already promised, so as to stretch out the current supply. President Obama is denying allegations that members of his administration have initiated talks to purchase shoddily manufactured promises, in bulk, from China. Obama promises that this is not the case.  Doh!

So Long My Friend; Real Men Will Miss You

All good things must come to an end; they can’t last forever. These past eight years have gone by in a flash. It seems like only yesterday you were looking over George’s shoulder at his first inaugural, silently saying the oath of office to yourself as George said it aloud, mouthing those immortal words knowing full well you’d be the one doing the real “Presidentin”, as George liked to say. What a great maneuver. How did you get yourself appointed to the office of V.P., or, as you liked to call it, “Virtual President.” What a great feeling it must have been to know that the next pork chop might be your last. What’s an eighteenth cardiac infarction amongst friends, right? It takes all the pressure off making decisions based on future plans. What future? To be able to do what ever the fuck ever you wanted, day or night, for eight years, gives even me a small yet substantial woody (SYSW). When you said “fuck you” to that senator at that photo op, I almost came in my pants, or as I like to call it SYSW + (no really, it was close). When your friend got in the way of a good shot on that hunting trip, you just said to yourself “well, I’ll make sure he doesn’t do THAT again”.

POW!

All of us NRA guys understood.

Haliburton got it all, and damn the liberatards. It’s not like you had to worry about public opinion! I’m sure when you watched protests of the Iraq war on TV, you said out loud “It IS all about the oil idiots” with that wonderful little crooked smile of yours. To have the power of the Presidency of the largest economy on earth, without the little hassle of being “elected”, must have given even your ailing ticker a little jump, eh? You always did what was right—for you, and that takes a real man.

Well, we’re all glad you “made-it”(literally) to this point, even though you had us worried there a few times, like in 01’, 02’, 03’, 04’ etc. You got to stay out of the hospital, because that place will kill ya fer sher. I guess you will now go do whatever retired Darth Vaders do: you will mount your trusty wheelchair and roll away into the sunset giving the world the proverbial finger, as we real men say “Thank You, Mr. Virtual President; may we have another?

For eight years, WE were in charge, and it felt good. Now that “That One” is in charge, and our V.P. is just a mindless puppet with terminal foot-in-mouth disease, all of us “men” will just tuck our penises between our legs and limp our way through the next administration. Who knows, maybe we can get the ‘Nuge to run for President in 2012 and I could maybe, just maybe…

Indeed, Mr. Cheney, perhaps I can be trained in the ways of the dark side; heed the call of the Sith Lord. Hmmmmmmm…

And you, old friend, we will watch your retirement with great interest.”

Yours Unruly

Goomis E. Kyaam

Nuge-Cranken in 2012

Top 10 Social Programs Even Obama Won’t Fund

  1. Fighting Childhood Obesity One Fat Little Fuck at a Time
  2. Moms for Masturbation (MfM)
  3. The Social Inclusion Club (members only)
  4. The ‘Playtime with Mr. Bad Touch’ after school program
  5. The ‘So He Beats Me’ Society
  6. (which spawned) The ‘So He Still Beats Me’ Society
  7. MAMIA – Mothers Against More Inane Acronyms
  8. The Fuck Abstinence Program
  9. The Bucket-O-Food Stamps for the Morbidly Obese Initiative
  10. Card Counting for Compulsive Gamblers (OCD Edition)

In truth, the Obama Administration is still considering 1, 5, and 9.

Republicans Insist They Are Not Partisan, Just Stupid

When asked about his disdain for President Obama’s stimulus package, Senator Boehner (R) from Ohio had this to say, “As the economy tanks completely we need some plausible deniability.”

Boehner believes that backing the bill, should it fail, would be catastrophic for the remaining republican egos in both the Senate and the House.

“We would have no one to blame but ourselves, and we can’t have that now, can we?”

When asked why the Senator urged his fellow Republicans to vote ‘yes’ for the 700 billion dollar Bush bail out, which has since disappeared into a few banker’s personal accounts freeing up zero dollars for loans, Boehner had this to say, “Umm, er…actually, I feel, er…you see, truth be told, I was dropped on my head as a child.”

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Dear Ghetto Shaman,

With the current economic crises, I may only be purchasing one book this year.  Any thoughts?  Oh, and what exactly is Midget Reiki?

Yours truly,

Fred Callahan

Dear Fred,

You should wait for my next book Vomiting the Vedic and Other Gastral Projections.  It will change your life.  Oh, and as for Midget Reiki, the Discord only pays me to answer one question a week.

The Ghetto Shaman

The Audacity of, “Nope”

Has anybody else noticed how Obama uses the same George W. Bush style tactics to pass his policies through Congress? 

“If you don’t let me take a trillion dollars from the tax payer’s children and grandchildren RIGHT NOW, then we’re all doomed.”

Isn’t this the same politics of fear?  Remember when George Bush gained the right to invade Iraq or when he passed the Patriot Act?

“Did Congress even read the act?” we asked. 

Well, why don’t we ask that of this 1000 page Stimulus Package?  Has anybody really read it….Bueller, Bueller, anyone?  How do I know Obama isn’t just paying back all of those scumbags who got him elected?  By the way, where the hell is this trillion dollars coming from, Madoff Enterprises, or maybe Stanford Inc?

Why should I believe that the Federal Reserve, the Congress, and the Obama Administration aren’t simply exploiting our country’s spiraling demise?  Stop everything and take a deep breath; let’s go through this package step-by-step with the American people.  Explain why this stimulus package will benefit our economy rather than harming it.

Thus far, I’ve given Obama the benefit of the doubt.  Just because his friend and Pastor shouted racist rants in public, doesn’t  necessarily make Obama a racist.  Just because he has friends who insist the world would be a better place without America doesn’t make Barak Obama anti-American.  Just because he kissed the ass of every sleazy politician in-and-around the Chicago area to gain power doesn’t mean he’s a sleazy politician.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to stop giving Barak Obama the benefit of the doubt.  Let’s start calling a spade a spade (am I still allowed to say that?). 

Barak Obama is an aspiring tyrant in the tradition of Mussolini, Fidel Castro, and Hugo Chavez, who would do or say anything and who would sacrifice all of our liberties to benefit his own power.

Top 10 Jobs Created by the Stimulus Package

  1. Bankruptcy Lawyer
  2. Crises Worker
  3. Suicide Hotline Operator
  4. Grave Digger
  5. Drug Dealer
  6. Thrift Store Specialist
  7. EMT  Worker
  8. Government Economic Advisor
  9. Security/Police/Military or, better yet, Military Police
  10. Discord Consultant/Editor/Contributor

Marijuana Linked to Losing Sponsors

A study conducted by Northern Arizona University showed a significant correlation between recreational pot use and the losing of massive financial sponsorships. The study looked at seven people at random who had already lost major amounts of money due to revealing pot party photos. Michael Phelps is only the latest victim in a long chain of similar situations, often involving bowls and blunts and bongs, oh my. Professor Schmidt “Smitty” Stoltz, nearing both tenure and senility, suggests that famous sports figures should go back in time and stop their friends from taking pictures of them while in the process of smoking pot.

Ghost Writers in the Sand

In the blazing January sun, Bald Tony and Mick Zano drove the 38 miles south from Las Vegas toward the infamous Pioneer Saloon in Goodsprings, NV.   Goodsprings, NV is smack dab in the middle of nowhere, NV, which is in no way affiliated with Nowhere, AZ (a real one horse and one bar town near Prescott). The Pioneer Saloon is allegedly where Clark Gable pined for Carol Lombard after her tragic decision to go to the nearby Idle Spur in Sandy Valley instead (or something like that. I’m not much of a historian—Tony, even less so).  The backroom is filled to the brim with old black-and-white pictures and historic newspaper clippings.  The very back wall is an altar of sorts to the great Clark Gable, a man who apparently never actually set foot in the joint. 

Frankly, my dears, I don’t give a damn. 

The place is like a polder, a closed-in Universe, where the bartenders are always trying to pour you another one, you can never quite find the door despite your best efforts, and ‘the next thing you know you’re pinned to a sophomore named Chip.’ What movie?  Despite the exigent gnawing fear that the place was some Hotel California-esque desert trap, we ordered another round.  I could smell the colitas rising up through the air…whatever the hell that is. 

This archetypal western-style saloon is truly one of the great American hangouts.  It is cozy, atmospheric, and steeped in history (most of it bullshit).  There is an outside seating area, front and back, and always plenty of friendly motorcycle gangs to pass the time with.  There is a general store off to the side of the building that sells both water and flavored water, for all of your re-hydration needs. When we arrived, sometime before 11AM, the place was already packed with whiskey drinking bikers. Of course, as if on cue, the Doors’ Roadhouse Blues belted out of the old-style jukebox in the corner (no shit.  I think it’s a law or something).  Oddly, we had already ‘woke up that morning and got ourselves a beer.’ 

“Grolsch,” said Tony, tipping back his bottle, “it’s what’s for breakfast.”

Can you guess what the Discord gang rode in on?

After setting up camp in the billiard room, lined with memorabilia, we found our pool skills weren’t the only thing scary in that haunted backroom.   Sadly, there was already a Weird: Las Vegas article hanging on the wall.  Foiled again by our arch-nemesis!  They’re always one step ahead of us.  While perusing the article in question, the main bartagonist poked her head around the corner and dove into the history of this authentic western watering hole (didn’t even have to ask this time).  Cindy Niles, one of the main barkeeps, had a much different story to tell than our Weird friends—a story happily involving copious amounts of Grolsch.  Sometimes when Cindy is alone in the bar, she reports seeing unexplainable movement out of the corner of her eye (even when taking her Prozac), which today may simply have been Tony recovering his tips.  She reports having even chased these peripheral apparitions into the billiard room, only to find the room empty.  Our pic of the billiard room revealed a mysterious green orb that, once again, turned out to be the spirit of Kazoo (the little bastard keeps turning up like a bad penny).

Cindy explained the Weird: Nevada authors were “full of shit,” and she was horribly misquoted in their coverage of the Pioneer Saloon.  In keeping with our esteemed colleagues’ theme, she went on to say:

“The Daily Discord is responsible journalism at its finest.”

— Cindy Niles

Cindy told this Discord reporter four separate ghost busting groups have staked out the place at different times.  When the last bunch, a group of four, came busting through town, she got three of these ghostbusters “stinking drunk.”  The boys in gray slugged it out with a pretty pesky poltergeist, then stayed on to dance the night away with some of the lovely ladies who witnessed the disturbance. What movie?

The Pioneer Saloon is truly an awesome stop and Cindy is a great hostess and a talented barkeep.  If you ever find yourself driving through the groovy jumping wasteland southwest of Las Vegas, do yourself a favor and do what Carol Lombard did…go to the Idle Spur in Sandy Valley instead.  Kidding!  This is a worthwhile destination for any bar crawler or paranormal enthusiast.  Just beware of Kazoo.  He’s a pool shark and apparently keeps stealing Cindy’s tips.

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Ask The Ghetto Shaman

Dear Ghetto Shaman,

You are such a prolific writer, where do you recommend beginning?  Reading your work out of order, well, it just loses something. 

Sincerely,

Jake Schmidt

Reno, NV

Dear Jake,

I wrote my first book during my ‘long night of the soul,’ which I called Bernie.  At the heart of my pre-enlightened period, I wrote my first book:  Plants Speak to Me, Women Don’t.  I wrote this before I was a Shaman, but after my period.

Sincerely,

The Ghetto Shaman

AC/DC Admits All Nineteen Albums Really Just One Long Song

Angus Young of the Australian hard rock band AC/DC admitted during a congressional hearing this week that all nineteen of the band’s studio albums were written during one lost weekend in Sidney. The drug-induced recording session occurred in early 1973 while under the influence of beer, whiskey, and a powdery substance, possibly crystal meth.  The band originally named the twenty-seven hour long song AC/DC.  This title only became the band’s name after the 73’ recording session, primarily because the next day no one could recall their original name (which Mr. Young believes started with a B). On a related note, Adult Protective Services are currently pressing charges against the band’s manager for the long and grueling exploitation of these severely mentally ill individuals.  Dr. Stempen would like the band members to know they can always “come home.”  Food and injectable psychotropic medication are ready upon their arrival.  Dr. Stempen wants Angus to know that the wardrobe rules at Fairview Pines have relaxed.

“You can wear your knickers whenever and wherever you want.”  Shirts are now only required during visiting hours.  Also, the nursing staff has completely forgiven Malcolm for the “sponge bath incident.”