Honduras—Three years ago the GOP outsourced scandal-creation to a company based out of a sex and organ-trafficking sweatshop in an area of Honduras known as the Badlands. The GOP is not happy with the quality of the scandals they’re receiving, nor the quantity. Yesterday the largest creator of imaginary scandals for republicans collapsed, killing 47 workers.
House majority leader John Boehner, saddened by the news, sprang into action, “We are in daily contact with the facility’s management and every step is being taken to shift production to a more suitable location.”
When asked about the deaths, Boehner said, “They’re not Americans; am I missing something? Look, creating these scandals so far south…let’s just say, we’ve made the most political hay possible with those received, but American made Obama scandals would be more ideal—and we need em’. Hell, we’re starting to look like idiots. I don’t even understand the Benghazi thing and we paid top dollar for that crap. Then they tried to make good by selling us the IRS scandal, which has no links to the White House. We’re returning that shit. And don’t even get me started on ACORN and that birth certificate thing. That was a twofer, F#@%king Hondurans.”
The GOP’s long term goal is to pass the Affordable Scandal Act while simultaneously lowering the minimum wage so that scandal-creating factories can be successful built right here in the United States.