John + Kate + 8 + Psychotic Bimbo – John – $230K – Show + Burglary = Who Gives a Flying Fuck?

John + Kate + 8 + Psychotic Bimbo - John - $230K – Show + Burglary = Who Gives a Flying Fuck?
Pierce Winslow

If you had any doubt that America is on the bullet-train to Shitville, just take a gander at this whole John & Kate calamity. Honestly, why are we still talking about this? Why were we in the first place? Why is it still splattered all over the news, and, in particular, all over my TV? Why the fuck do I have to write this article?

Unless you’ve been living with Bin Laden in an Afghan cave (or Pakistani cave, but that’s another story), you have been inundated with way too many details about the breakup of John & Kate Gosselin and the subsequent cancellation of their so-called reality show John & Kate Plus Eight. This was a show supposedly about how two parents deal with their newly arrived eight children, the product of fertility treatments gone awry. The only reality of the show is this: people watch this crap to see Kate berate and emasculate John on national television every week. No surprise that John got sick of the public humiliation, the getting stuck with the eight while Kate jets all over the country for speaking engagements and book signings, and being put on public display to further Kate’s career. It’s no surprise that there was some celebrity-seeking twit in the wings that would actually want to get in the middle of this disaster and that John would go for that shit. It’s also no surprise that since he bailed the show has been canceled because no one gives two shits about the Eight, it was always about the public humiliation.

The thing that gets me is why, since they are broken up, and their show was canceled, are we still hearing about this? Since the show was canceled these two sub moronic media whores are getting more face-time and publicity than ever before. And, why? Because Americans are crack-whores for this crap. I would rather join Zano for his next Hannitython than hear one more word about these numbskulls.

Kate, media whore #1, is a woman that takes lens-sucking to a whole new level. While touting the greatness of their “reality” show, she will fly all over the continent promoting herself as the end-all, be-all of American housewives. If she’s such a great housewife, how come she is never at home? Oh that’s right, those eight screaming kids. I think she forgot the first half of that word: house. And in doing so, she has also forgotten the second part: wife. I guess that leaves us with “end all, be-all of American *nothing*”. Now that’s something I can reach my brother. And I’m not even sure that she’s the worst of the three.

John, media whore #2. Here is a “man” that is so in need of an ego boost that he, on a weekly basis, will have his ego methodically dismantled on national television to get it. It seems to me that if you get a 10% boost from having your ego 90% shot to hell that’s a net loss of 80%, every week, you dumbass. Most people would run out after one week, but he just keeps coming back for more. On top of that, he will bitch about how whore #1 is using their children to further her career while he simultaneously eats the corn out of her shit in order to get her to take him back so they can continue their assault on American television audiences (and collect the ensuing paychecks, “for the children” of course). I want to see this guy in the ring with Colbert; or maybe a komodo dragon; swine flu? And if whore #1 is using their children for nefarious purposes, what is he doing? Oh that’s right, secretly withdrawing $230k from their bank account.

Psychotic Bimbo, whore #3. Who is this bitch anyway? What self-respecting human being would want to come anywhere near this shit-storm unless all they wanted was to become a part of it? Happily our hero dumped her, which should have gotten at least her out of our lives. But no, she has to break into his crib and slash his clothing and furniture, rip off some of his stuff, and leave a threatening note. Nothing says class like a “die mother fucker” note with a meat-cleaver sticking through it. And, of course, she’s saying she had nothing to do with it, that it is a publicity stunt on his part. News flash: all three of your lives are one huge publicity stunt. No matter which one of you did it, it was a publicity stunt. And, unfortunately, you all will profit from it I’m sure.

And if their lives aren’t all about publicity then why are all of their conversations through spokesmen with press releases? Do those people ever speak without a camera around? Of course, they do, to plot out the next nugget of stupidity to spew from their lives in order to keep everyone talking about them. Do they do this on NetMeeting or something?

So why do we, as a society, perpetuate this shit flow? People always talk about what an abomination gay marriage is; have you ever seen a greater abomination than this? Who are we kidding? Why do Americans feel the need to be voyeurs into these losers’ lives? Can you say “soap opera”? This ain’t “reality”. And I will smack the head of anyone that says “you can’t make this shit up”. Are you paying attention? This is all made up. Even the kids came from a test-tube. Did you see that Balloon Boy fiasco? At least someone is going to jail for that one.

And where are the Eight through all of this? Remember the Eight? This is a show about the Eight. But, like Alice’s Restaurant, it never was about the Eight, it was a commentary on war, this time the war on common decency. Can’t we just draft these fuckers and send them to Afghanistan (Pakistan?)? That oughtta smoke Bin Laden out of his hole.

PS, if you don’t think this is all a publicity stunt, do a Google image search on “John & Kate Plus 8”; I dare you.

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Pierce Winslow

Pierce Winslow is the Discord's Brain, Chief Engineer and C.E.O. He co-founded the Discord along with Mick Zano in 2008 and they have both been sorry ever since.