As journalists with more integrity than you can crush a puppy with, it is time, yet again, to right our wrongs, correct our errors, and apologize for the horrible consequences our shortcomings have had on various institutions, individuals, and society as a whole.
Our recent headline Christ and Fabio’s Spandex Battle should have read Crist and Rubio’s Spending Battle.
Our headline Thai Prostitutes Tango with Army, should have read Thai Protestors Tangle with Army. Don’t know what the hell happened with that one, heh, heh.
Our headline Why is Breast Cancer Rate Drooping?, should have read: Why is Breast Cancer Rate Dropping? We really feel like boobs about that one.
And, whereas our article Human Remains Discovered in Local Cemetery may have been accurate, in retrospect, it isn’t particularly news worthy. We would also like to extend a heartfelt apology to the Paulson family for the unnecessary, and quite unauthorized, exhuming of their Beloved Dorothy.
In defense of our editing staff…er, we don’t really have an editing staff. We do have Microsoft Word’s grammar check, which puts annoying red and green lines under things. We believe Red means stop and Green means go. It’s worked so far. We do encourage the people at Microsoft Office to consider Yellow, meaning that this may be usable in small circles, but proceed with caution.