Mango Chipotle-gate? Bernie’s Beer Choice Brings Into Question His Entire Position Picking Prowess

12366402_10101928889481867_8157748097383572738_nScrew Benghazi, this is the real scandal of our age. I haven’t written much about the Bernie Sanders’ phenomenon on this blog, but his imbibing a brew from one of my main hangouts demands a response. Historic Brewing, Bernie?! You’re on my turf now. There are reasons I would love to endorse the Bernster, but I also have some serious reservations. His questionable behavior at a recent Arizona beer festival has only increased my concerns about his candidacy. Not the commandeering of the Downtown Dawg vendor truckthat was The Discord gangthe other questionable behavior at a recent Arizona beer festival.

I love, Bernie, but I still want Elizabeth Warren to run. She’s the most viable candidate in the general election. Did she decide against running, or did someone “convince her” it wasn’t her turn? I would love to know the truth. Now liberals are left with a tough choice between Martin O’Malley or that guy who wears a boot on his head. Did I mention I’m writing this at Historic Brewing? …with a boot on my head?
Bernie’s economic prowess has always impressed me. He’s not only one of the best debaters in the land, but he’s my Dem of choice for the coveted who would you rather have a beer with. Could you imagine kicking back a brewski with Hillary? (My recent related rant, here.) Bernie still has his work cut out for him. For one thing, Hillary presents as having a more commanding grasp on foreign policy. Granted, she did very well as Senator of NY and Secretary of State, but I was deeply disappointed when she backed Bush’s War on Iraq. In fact, it’s why I changed from an independent to a Dem in the first place. Yeah, in 2008 I went from independent to 2016, Dem-dependent. Yikes. It’s why I drink such liberal portions of Historic beer.
Hillary has always presented as far too hawkish for my sensibilities. I don’t know if it’s a gender-overcompensation-thing, or what. She sounds much closer to a Republican on this topic than any sane person should be. Bernie, meanwhile, seems almost disinterested in the topic of foreign policy. He would need to pick someone very savvy in this area as his running mate, which brings me to the point of this post: BEER!!
I love Historic Brewing Company, but at a recent beer festival Bernie Sanders went right for the mango chipotle. Really? In all fairness I have not tried the mango chipotle, but there are tons of other strong Historic beer flavors. Is this indicative of what he would do with his cabinet? Will Michael Moore become the head of Homeland Security, instead of their tasty Opposable IPA? Will Rosie O’Donnell get the VP nod, instead of their Deer Lord Alt bier? Maybe Sean Penn in lieu of their yummy black lager? It’s worrisome. Which of his advisors steered him toward the mango chipotle? Was it the same guy who hacked into Hillary’s email? I kind of miss that guy. Bernie’s decision looks even worse after the recent E. coli outbreak at the Chipotle Mexican Grill. What were you thinking, Sanders?!
Although I would prefer Sanders over Clinton, it is crucial that Democrats hold the White House in 2016. If we end up with a Republican super-majority we will all take one right in the Pie Hole Porter (speaking of which, I don’t care if it did win the People’s Choice award at Brew-Ha-Ha, Ryan, it’s still a little too sweet).
Oh, but since Sanders tried this Historic brew, they may just name the mango chipotle after him. They are considering, Feel the Bern, but I would rather go with the runner-up: Bernie & Hurt.

I Don’t Always Drink Beer, But When I Do It’s Historic!


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