Brooklyn, NY—An angry mob of so-called ‘Dreamers’ gathered outside of Senator Chuck Schumer’s Brooklyn apartment last night to protest DACA’s removal from the latest round of budget negotiations. When the senator arrived at his home at 8:00 PM, he was jeered, pelted and ultimately tarred and feathered by the mob of would-be U.S. citizens. Schumer told the Discord today, “They want DACA? Now they’re not going to get kaka. I want all of these brown little shits deported. I want them out of my city and I want them out of my country. And no more ‘birds of a feather’ jokes from the press, or someone is going to meet my feathery fists of fury!”
Many are hailing this incident as a necessary nudge for Democrats to start toughening their stance, but others feel the stunt went too far. Schumer is so angered by the incident, those close to the senator claim he is considering a mixed ticket presidential run in 2020 with controversial Arizona sheriff, Joe Arpaio. The Arpaio campaign is denying the two are in negotiations, or can even stand to be in the same room without spitting at each other.
Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi is hiding under her desk to avoid egg on her face, literally, as a group of dreamers are currently stalking the minority leader with carton upon carton of cage-free brown eggs. Pelosi told the press today, “I don’t get? Why cage-free brown eggs?”