Washington, DC—In an attempt to capture some of the energy from Beck’s Restoring Honor rally, the more recent One Nation rally, and the upcoming Colbert/Stewart debacle, the Daily Discord mobilized like never before. The National Mall in Washington remained virtually empty this Saturday, however, as Mick Zano stumbled up to the podium and shouted into a megaphone.
“The people who knocked down these buildings are going to hear from all of us soon!”
He then burned a copy of Duran Duran’s Rio album, yelling, “Where is everyone? We have nearly 400 hundred Facebook fans!”
When it was clear Zano was failing to reach any of the 12-14 people within earshot, the Ghetto Shaman took to the stage.
“I have a dream…it involves snakes, jaguars, and Mayan hookers!”
This had the desired effect. Several people wandered over to the Lincoln Memorial, where the Ghetto Shaman proceeded to do something exceedingly obscene with a string of chicken bones. This heinous act, and/or the lack of necessary permits, promptly ended the event.
“We underestimated the apathy in our massive inaction-based movement,” said CEO Pierce Winslow. “But many were with us in spirit—just not in person. We probably connected to countless other people who don’t really give a shit either. It’s just impossible to know for sure.”
“This is a grass & roots movement like no other,” said the Ghetto Shaman on the police report.
By ‘grass’ we can only assume this is a Prop 19 reference, and by ‘roots’ many are betting on Ayahuasca or Ibogaine.
“This is precisely why my Seven Deadly Sins Festival only lasted six days,” said the Shaman. “We never did get around to organizing Sloth Day.