Funny, I said the same exact thing about methamphetamine.  This will be my last rant against Fox News and George W. Bush.  You don’t believe me?  Would I ever woefully mislead my fateful readership?  I’m not the Ghetto Shaman, for Pete’s sake.

I will ask this again…and again I won’t get an answer.  Besides pro-Mr. Burnses, short-term economic gains, what exactly have the Republicans both stood for and accomplished in the last few decades?  As I have said, ad nauseum, there is validity to aspects of their wish list.  They just seem the least likely people to accomplish any of them—at least historically speaking.

Why are people like BP CEOs, Mr. Burns over in Springfield, and the Foxeteers all on the same side of most issues?  Coincidence, or propaganda?  The last four Republican presidents increased the deficit 3x times more than the last four dems?  I know, I know, facts suck.  Funny, each of those “fiscally conservative” dudes went with that cutting taxes thing as the only plan.  For the last 8 presidents, we had to minus Obama, of course (because he came into power post-capitalism amidst a freefall).

It’s quite delusional to think that cutting spending alone is the only way to get out of gazillions in deficits.  England is an experiment starting right now.  They are doing it by cutting spending 80% and by raising taxes 20%.  Of course these days, U.S. Republicans would say cutting spending 100% is the way to go, because when you have Jesus, who needs math?  I kid the fundamentalists.  

We need to raise taxes 40 and cut spending 60, or some such, which drives the yes/no bunch crazy, but they’re already crazy.  Dems are against cuts and Republicans are against raising taxes. When you ask a Tea Partier what they would cut, they don’t know, because what they really want is all their current services without the taxes, which is even more delusional than the raise-taxes Dems. Another case of dumb and dumber. 

Also, my last post was actually about the media, Crank.  I never said this Black Panther thing is a non-scandal.  In fact, I made a point to say, “I really don’t have a clue what’s going on for this Black Panther scandal.” Of course, neither do you—you just don’t know it. But, Fox is never having to read the content.  This was the point: if this Black Panther thing is a scandal, since the media and the rule of law have tanked, good luck proving it.  I also said, with their current track record, Fox is likely to be proven wrong.  It’s another math thing.  We can’t call for the unplugging of Fox News, because there’s that pesky first amendment.  And surely there is a desperate need for a viable conservative news source.  Hey, let’s just shift Fox News over to Comedy Central!  Then it will be in the right category, and Jon Stewart can go over to where Fox is now.  A recent poll finds him more credible anyway.

But isn’t there any room in the mainstream media world for an intelligent version of republicana?  After all, it would shut me up (just think about that…).  Are they pandering to their bat shit base?  Mostly, Fox does what it does because it’s mind numblingly lucrative.  What’s striking is that Fox News is actually making fun of their audience, but the audience is the only bunch not in on the joke.  

And, yes, call me another lib nut but lying us into war is worse than supporting or not supporting a community organization gone awry (ACORN), and, YES, the politicization and destruction of the Justice Dept under Bush trumps some asshole having a misdemeanor dropped back in 2008 (under mysterious circumstances).  That’s all we really know right now about the Black Panther scandal to date. The only thing that really gets going during a Crank rant is the facts.   

Nowhere in my posts have I called the Tea Party racists, Mr. Crank.  Some racists reside within that group, of course, because of Spiral Dynamics.  Rep. Boehner (OH) actually had a great quote about this recently and I give him rare kudos for it. On the Dem side, Al-Qaeda and other tribal consciousness types are attracted to the Democratic Party.  Short version, Keith Olbermann can call the Tea Party ‘racist’ and Fox News can call liberals ‘terrorists’ with a hint of truth in each.  When you split a country into two main camps, all the levels of consciousness are divvied up rather poorly, which is why Ken Wilber and yours truly have advocated for more parties to be represented (examples: fundamental, entrepreneurial/scientific, progressive, and transcosmetic parties, etc.) It’s a developmental psych thing.  But is Fox too quick to jump in on the racial push back stories?

Someone on Fox said, “The big winner this week was Bill O’Rielly, who admitted he was wrong.”

No really, someone said that.  I’ll give you one hint which fair and balanced news network said it…

“There have been three big conservative outrages that have choked the airwaves over the past couple of weeks. #1 was about a bunch of scary black men, the New Black Panther Party. #2 was about a bunch of scary Muslims who want to build a triumphal mosque on the sacred soil of Ground Zero. #3 was about a vindictive black woman who works for the government and screws the white people she deals with. The running theme here is not just a coincidence.”

—Kevin Drum (blogger and columnist)

Oh goodness, one of these trumped up scandals hasn’t been debunked yet!  Ahhhhhhh!  The beauty of the Foxeteers is this: by the time the story is debunked, the ADD generation have already shifted this shell game to something else anyway.  It’s like that Zone episode, or was it an Outer Limits, where those people just keep building the sets of reality ahead of the main character.  The other two recent scandals are pretty much bullshit, or certainly not interesting: the Mosque is three blocks away from Ground Zero (that’s pretty damn far in Manhattan) and has actually been there in one form or another for decades, and we all know how the Sherrod thing ended.  Two reverse racist scandals down, one to go.  But that third one is an outrage!  Until that one goes tits-up as well, of course.  

So, let me get this straight, Mr. Crank, if this one Black Panther doesn’t feel the full weight of the law, all is apparently lost for Americana?  I know a Discordian who got two misdemeanors dropped this week and the world hasn’t fallen off its axis. Proven Republican scandals that will directly contribute to our collective demise = no biggie.  Mights, coulds, and maybes on the Dems side = an outrage, I say, an outrage.

You gotta love Hannity’s America.  No, you really do.  They’ll be back in power soon and they’re watching.  It’s amazing how the fighting 40% will go off half-cocked at any moment on the flimsiest of stories, but will ignore much more factual and impactual scandals.  Impactual is a word—one that even Sarah Palin would not refudiate.  

We currently have the vast majority of scientists in the world in agreement about global warming, but where else could you find nearly half a modern civilization unaware of this fact?  Or, more accurately, ignoring it entirely in the hopes it will not impact cheap energy and the American dream.  Sorry, Sean, the American dream is dead anyway, but why are you so insistent on taking the Earth with it?   As long as there’s one scientist left who will back your bullshit, let’s just roll those biosphereic dice one more time.

Conservative blogger Dennis Sanders asked on 7/26/10, why are moderates ditching the conservatives?

“The impulse here in the States among those on the right who are dissatisfied with the state of things, is to simply walk away. Whether its Brink Lindsey now touting a “libertarian centrism” or Tim Lee flirting with the left, the usual result of frustrated folks on the right is not to change things, but to leave and look for greener pastures. Why is that? Why is there no impulse to change the right?”

Doesn’t that bozo read Zano?

Oh, and let’s not forget David Frum in The Week 7/21 (conservative and former Bush speechwriter)

“When people talk of the ‘closing of the conservative mind’ this is what they mean: not that conservatives are more narrow-minded than other people — everybody can be narrow minded — but that conservatives have a unique capacity to ignore unwelcome facts.”

This inability to have any contact with the complete picture, as it relates to Earth and its inhabitants, makes 40% of our country dangerously goofy.  I’m not saying we should have a psychological assessment of some sort outside of every polling station.  That would be a terribly unconstitutional thing to do, but I’ve created one just in case.  It’s scratch and sniff, has proven measurable outcomes, and monkeys can be deployed to help administer the test.  Come on, it will be fun and informative. We can give the monkeys batons, which will piss off the right on so many levels.  

Bottom line, when a former Bush speech writer and a crazy-lib-Discordian such as myself are on the same page, you might want to at least climb into the same book.

OK, just one more time, I promise:

“It’s one other legacy [the deficit] of the Bush-Cheney years: by both bankrupting the country and grinding the US military into the barren dust of Iraq and Afghanistan, those two fools did more to weaken America internationally than any administration in modern times.”

—Andrew Sullivan The Daily Dish 7/23/10

That just slipped, I couldn’t help it.  OK, OK.   Deep breath….wait.  I can do this.

“Bush and Cheney defiantly should have definitely been indicted (For actions at Guantanamo Bay).”

—Andrew Napolitano (Fox New contributors 7/12/10)

OK, I need help.  I’ll admit it.  They say I got to go to blog-hab, but I said, “no, no, no.” But, look, most of these quotes are from this week and all of them are from conservatives!  Granted, respectable ones.  As more of the truth comes out, anger will only increase toward the architects of our downfall.   The nail on the chalk board you are hearing Crank is A.) pulling that lever for Bush (twice) and B.) the high likelihood you’ll pull that lever again for someone equally as destructive next time. Of course, you feel Obama is the main culprit. You’ve been programmed to feel that way. He is ranked somewhere in the middle, presidency-wise, while Dr. Two-terms is about last.  This won’t change much; they both may slip a little, but luckily for Bush, he can’t slip far.

The sound on the chalkboard that I am hearing is not pre-conventional and conventional thinking—those are inevitable in 2010.  The problem is those levels done badly.  As, I have said before, we need to pack the best and leave the rest.  There’s very little salvageable over at Fox News.  Oh, and Shep, if you’re listening, get out of the building when no one is looking.  I’ll have a car waiting in the alley.

Furthermore, I have always said things like the Constitution, The Bill of Rights, and the Justice Department, once bypassed, marginalized, or destroyed aren’t coming back.  This is where even Glenn Beck has a point.  These things died some time ago.  And you can try to revise history all you want, Foxeteers, but these things died on your watch…or, more accurately, when you were watching the swift boaters or some other shiny bouncing ball over on Fox News.

Deep breath…OK.  No more.  Never again…

Oh, Oh, wait! We just found out that Dick Cheney was totally responsible for…

This is CEO Pierce Winslow with a public service announcement: 

Mr. Zano’s Bush bashing continued for, uhh…I really don’t know how long, exactly, but I refused to increase the monthly bandwidth of this site to accommodate his ramblings.  The man has problems, and we should support him in this.  Though, I agree with the Crank that Mr. Zano should take a long break from politics, preferably indefinitely, I am refraining from out-and-out firing him, because each time I do he tends to submit even more material.  If anyone has any suggestions, please email us through our Contact Us Page.  And please don’t Ask the Ghetto Shaman.  He supports Zano, but only because he buys him beer.

These days, Greece may also be the turd.  For those of you in a carbohydrate induced coma (CIC), or those of you too busy protesting for more free shit to notice, Europe is akin to a rather large canoe floating steadily down Shit River, with Victoria Falls in the near distance, without a paddle.

The leftists among us want US to be more like Europe?  Europe?  Free healthcare for all, full pay retirement at 53, 30+ days paid vacation, 32 hr work weeks…you know, let’s just hit a hash bar, Europe? We’ll just get the “rich” to pay for it all. Yeah, that’s it, that’s the ticket.  We’ll get that “Rich” fella to pay our way. Well, here’s an announcement for all you Euro-free-ists. Elvis has left the building, and Rich (whoever the fuck he is) has left the continent.  In fact, he took what money you missed with him. He is sitting under a palm tree on Seven Mile Beach on Grand Cayman Island, sipping a Cruzan & Coke, looking at the topless babe laying next to him and laughing at the lot of you.

Oh, no worries…we’ll just get Germany, France and England to bail us out. It worked for Wall Street and the auto companies, didn’t it? Add Spain, Portugal and Italy to the grand total. If you look over your shoulder in your canoe, you will see them right behind you, flailing away with their hands as the falls near. The Germans will just love bailing out stupid people, won’t they? They will own you. Why don’t we just see how big Germany can get? With all apologies to Herr Mikko, it didn’t turn out so good in the forties. 

Let’s see just what you did wrong. First, all of the above. Second, as Thatcher once said in a high pitched voice “you do eventually run out of other people’s money.”  This is what you want US to become? What happened in Greece is their Black Market economy became larger than their actual economy. No one was paying anything to the government, but all were receiving, and then some. It’s what happens to humans when you promise us everything. Once we get used to it, we want it all, and in perpetuity. It’s called “A Welfare State.” Clinton (the one with the penis; OK, the male one; OK, the one in the pants; OK, the one with hairy legs; OK, the one with testicular fortitude; OK, I give up…you figure it out) did the right thing in getting us as far away from that as possible, and now you want to go backwards? Those who didn’t learn anything by watching New York City in the seventies are destined to relive it.

Now you have Greeks protesting cuts in spending to keep from being the first modern country to file for bankruptcy. AKA: “We want our free shit, and we don’t care how you pay for it!”

Progressive policies can not work, for we are only human, and dis aint no Star Trek episode.  If it is, I get the green drink and the green chick. To paraphrase Popeye: we am what we am. Listen up, you progressive dorks, and burn this into what’s left of your brains: Socialism has never worked anywhere, and will never work. Communism/socialism = epic fail.

Please, now, Mr. Obama, we need you to do one thing for us. Go back to Shitcago and give the whole President thing up for a bad idea. Oh, and take your progressive Czars with you.

Crank This.

I assume you have won the lottery, Zano, based on your latest foray into the mind numbing netherworld of healthcare reform. You see, as has been stated before, the problem with socialism is you eventually run out of other people’s money. Now I assume you haven’t given the money aspect a thought, have you? How could you have, when you still have no idea about how money works, other than its uses when made tubular? Mental health expert, maybe, money maven, not a friggin clue (but I digress).

Government run anything is a problem. It’s inherently corrupt and its ability to block out the Sun by covering the earth in red tape is an accepted theory by most well edumakated scientists and mathematicians. England’s government run healthcare system is the largest employer in that country and have you looked at their teeth? “Well geeh, Medicare and Medicaid work well,” is in fact a total fallacy, as these programs are at or near total bankruptcy. Some of the worst care in the world is our own Government run Native American health system, where the phrase “nocto barumba kotchaxcalla juto” (no get sick past June when money run out) is a well accepted fact. They also have a provision in the plan to tax any small businesses that don’t offer healthcare to their employees, and they may figure out that an 8% tax is cheaper than coverage, so in the free plan they go, and soon, no more insurance companies, no more competition. You think the VA runs well? Ask my father-in law. They suck. No money, going broke, substandard care. One of the head doctors at the Long Island VA hospital told him that this was the last place on earth you wanted to be if you were sick.

You actually have the ‘hones to bring up a Jon Stewart interview as if he was a real journalist? Uh, well, ah, no Mikko, he is an entertainer, like Billy-O, only with a sense of humor.

Now there ARE ways to improve the healthcare system, and I only hope some of these ideas make it to the final bill that will be rammed through at 3:00 AM. on a Sunday by Sith Lord Rahm and his not-ready-for-prime-time, communist Czars (you know, the ones who get to sidestep the whole “checks and balances” thingy). Oh yeah, but that’s ok ‘cause Bush started the dismantling of our Constitution, so continuing to do so is just peachy. After all, in your world as a mental health expert, maybe two wrongs DOES make a right. I’m just sayin’.

As far as the “Town Hall” meetings go, you couldn’t be more wrong and still be in our solar system. I have now been to three of them. Real people, real doctors, lawyers, trailer trash and Wal-Mart shoppers. These are working people, not Acorn unemployed, paid for with tax dollars, bussed in by Democrats types. They are very scared at anything government run, well, maybe not the lawyers.  They can read, believe it or not, and don’t see anything they like. If you really think they are not for real, or that their fears are “wrong” and “shouldn’t matter”, please pick up your one way ticket to cloud nine, you know, where all the elite geniuses live. This is America, or as most of these people say, Uhmurcah, which is at last look a Democracy, for better or for worse (just our like our marriages, no?).

Oh, and lose the “FOX LIES! FOX LIES!” thing too, will ya? They lie no more and no less than any one else, and if you can actually read and check out what they say, not just assume they are wrong cause it fits your lopysided idea of reality, and it IS true, well then guess what? I may be a Gorilla, but I can read, and use Google. Just don’t tell anyone or I’ll be a guinea pig for science for the rest of my life.

The ideas that I don’t seem to hear anywhere but the evil Fox Empire are as follows:

1. Why the fuck can I travel to Joisey from the desert southwest to buy a fucking microwave oven, but I can’t do the same for a better cheaper health plan? This will bring on more competition than any Government run system could hope to accomplish. This actually scares the hell out of the insurance companies (which, if you haven’t figured it out by now, is a good thing).
2. Tort reform, which will never happen, cause they’re all trial lawyers duh (“old Billy was right, kill all the lawyers, kill them tonight”). The more “cover my ass” decisions doctors make inherently means more wasted dollars. And my wife could tell you how much friggin malpractice insurance costs. Yes, in our current tort-reformless world nurses need it too, and I for one would rather have a fancy new CD player with a big subwiffer thingy in the Ram.
3. Fraud investigations. The amount of money stolen by “Michael Jackson’s doctor” types is staggering. It’s in the realm of near 20% of all costs.
4. And lest we forget the masses of people who have no insurance, let’s go over them. In reality, when you take away the young and stupid “I am steel and will live forever”, the “transient Americans” who cross the boarder to have their 12^th baby on the steps of the Laredo, Texas hospitals (whom I have absolutely no wish to pay for, seeing as how I, a one of the few actual wage earning taxpayers left on earth will be footing all these bills) and the ones who would rather buy that new F150 instead (who should actually die from their stupidity), you end up with around 12 million people who are unemployed, or have pre-existing fat-er-I-mean conditions and take too many of the wrong pills to get any affordable coverage (and no, I’m not talking about me, no, really). Let’s concentrate on getting them coverage. It’s cheaper, and more direct. It would make sense. (You know, Mick, sense, the word that describes efficient thinking)

Now, my final issue. WHY NOW? Cause Obama says so? FUCK HIM. How’s ‘bout we fix the fucking economy first, figure out how to pay for Social Security and Medicare long enough for this old beige gorilla to see some of it, huh?! How ‘bout REDUCING instead of adding to the deficit? Adding taxes now is a money 101 no-no. And taxes we will pay, just wait. You think you don’t make shit now. My infant grandson is already looking for 4 jobs. He’s already got the projectile vomiting thing down good, and he’s workin on shitting in yer hand, and peein in yer face. There are many very important things that need doing RIGHT NOW. We can and should do this layta! Peeps from the woild ova come here for treatment, they don’t go to Canada or Italy, they come here! Let’s not lose that. And as far as saving lives, people are dying every day waiting for their cancer treatments in Canada, so that argument is bull puppy.

Oh yeah, and Mikko…PALIN!

NEEEHeeheeheeheehee

I ♥ liquid dinosaurs

The Crank

Yesterday, a guy standing on a corner in downtown U.S.A asked me, “Would you sign this petition to support universal healthcare?”

And I said, “Unlike the rest of the country, I’m rather ambivalent about the whole thing.  Our current healthcare system sucks ass, but more government bureaucracy is rarely the answer.  Besides, the Dems are never going to get the bill passed, because Dems are, by their very nature, pussys.”

Now, I didn’t actually say that last sentence to that young college idealist.  I did say something arguably similar, such as, “Nice dog.  What’s that a retriever?”

But the other statement was implied.  If he was really listening, he would have picked that up. 

Back during the Bush fears people protested the dismantling of the Bill or Rights, wars of choice, and the freakishly frightening expansion of executive power (FFEEP).  They marched into town halls dressed in pink or some such, and I applaud them for it; heck, I was one of them.  I can accessorize in pink with the best of them.  Today, across our great nation, we had an organized group of political assassins invade our town halls to derail the debate itself.  Under Bush, town hall meetings were designed to disseminate White House talking points to a chosen few, prescreened sycophants.  Nothing would be derailed with a Bush protest, because there was no discussion, only proclamations and bullshit-ridden mandates from the neococoon.  No worries if you didn’t hear it over the screaming libertards, folks, we’ll repeat the message on Fox News a hundred more times by Thursday.  On the contrary, for this healthcare fiasco, folks went into town hall meetings to dismantle the actual debate itself. They didn’t want to even talk about the real issues, because America might choose “unwisely.” 

Translation: my personal stock portfolio might suffer.

The fact is, we were assailed by ringers, people in cahoots with Republicans and insurance companies, whose soul purpose was to scare the living shit out of the terminally dimwitted (maybe death panels could have practical purposes, hmmmmmn…I’m just saying).  The debate really comes down to this: behind door number one we have our current healthcare system, which is putting small businesses out of business everyday.  The rates are increasingly unaffordable and by 2050 Warren Buffet’s cryogenically frozen ass is anticipated to be the last insured American.  And even he will probably be bitching about his skyrocketing co-pays.  Door number two: for Obama’s plan you could keep your insurance or you could use a government run option similar to our VA system (which even Bill Krystol admits runs well). That’s about it.  A little healthy competition.  Maybe it wouldn’t be this huge government take-over.  But, of course, you don’t know what Obama’s plan really entails, because all you heard was: death panels, socialized medicine, Mexican Radio (1983) Wall of Voodoo. (I still can’t figure out that last one).

“But government isn’t the answer; it’s part of the problem.” 

There you go again…

That statement is ubiquitous in my worldview, but for most it seems only relative depending on who is in power.

Death Panels? AHhhhHHHhHhhhhh! They’re trying to kill my Alaskan Governor with Down Syndrome!

Oh, really…it’s her son that has…er.  And she’s no longer Governor.  Well, this is embarrassing.

 Death panels?  Really?  I have never heard anything so ridiculous derail public discourse since, well, insert any Discord post here.  In our current healthcare system, insurance companies and doctors determine whether or not you get the procedures approved or not.  Er, sounds eerily similar.  Or, if you do get the procedure approved, your insurance covers only a percentage, and they foreclose on your house to pay the difference.  It’s very American.

A certain faction of our population is in complete denial about the realities and limits of our current healthcare system and even our own mortality as human beings.  Every day doctors and administrators choose who gets what procedures.  Those “death panels” already exist as Advance Directives (which covers end of life choices).  A thousand page document and that’s the best you could do?  Well, it did work.  Truth is not nearly as important as the end result these days.  Very Crankvellian. But you keep scurrying around Chicken Littles; you’re so much fun to watch.

I run around and yell the sky is falling, when the sky is actually falling.  You yell the sky is falling when Fox sends “the transmission”.

I work in behavioral health and, as our budget slides into the abyss, we are deciding every day who gets what services in mental health land.  More and more crazy people wander our streets because our current system has more gaps in it than the combined malls of America.  Sorry, folks, but offering free service worked when this was a vibrant country with assets backed by things of actual worth. Hint: this is not that time.

Fact: today a homeless man in Tucson is not entitled to every procedure known to man to save the liver he decided to kill with several Maersk freighters worth of vodka.  Fact: the same would be true for with the public option.  And, yes, your insurance is only going to cover certain procedures.  Most of us normal peeps are not entitled to mega coverage, all the latest equipment, and a team of specialists headed by Dr. House, nor is it feasible.

Jon Stewart recently interviewed the originator of the death panel nonsense (you mean, Palin didn’t start it?) and, believe it or not, she’s even making less sense than old Sarah.  Stewart had to rip a page out of her hand to read the very phrase of Obama’s policy that made everyone go stark-raving mad.  The targeted phrase was something like: “the doctor can talk to you about life sustaining processes and end-of-life choices.” Here is the math:

Life sustaining processes + choices + stupidity + propaganda = death panels

I can see that.  I just forgot to carry the logic, is all.

I don’t trust the government either, but you cats are whacked. Look, I remain passionately ambivalent on this issue. As I’ve said before, we should focus on insuring our children and the truly disabled (aka, Republicans).  We’re going broke, so the plan needs to be realistic.  If that works, maybe healthcare coverage could be expanded to include the Discord staff and their families.  But why are so many people afraid of changing healthcare when the present system sucks ass so bad?  What’s worse than sucks ass?  OK, the next plan might suck balls, which is arguably worse.  Fox News started mass hysteria over a decision between a healthcare system that sucks ass and a healthcare system that sucks balls.  Well done.   

Obama’s plan might have added a great option for some and could have saved many many lives.  We’ll never know, because we never had the debate.  But wasn’t it heart warming to see stocks in United Healthcare and Pfizer rally the other day, when it became clear that the public option was failing?  Of course, the rest of the DOW dropped like a certain Republican senator’s pants at a truck stop men’s room, but it was still a feel good moment for the patriotards.  Perhaps you and Senator Craig should get a room.

I would like to point out, here and now, that you are not the tools of entrepreneurialism, but rather you are the tools of super capitalism, or maybe your just tools.   Most of you are so far removed from super capitalism it would take real math, Stephen Hawking, and a warp capable vehicle to even reach.

You will vote against your own interests time and time again. Soon you will probably not be insured or, if you manage to hold onto that precious policy, it will be jeopardizing your company’s very existence to maintain your benefits.  Can you say raise freeze? And, as time goes by, the insurance companies are going to get better and better at this game and you will lose more and more coverage as your premiums climb into the stratosphere.   So you won’t be able to pay the cover at the door and you’ll miss part of the ultimate Vegas experience.

My health insurance premium should not be as high as my rent.  The insurance company plans to fix that.  Soon it will be higher than my rent.  Enough is enough. I’ll show them.  I’m going to move into my hospital’s MRI machine.  Hang up my Hendrix poster and roll a fat one. 

This is what we are all facing as this current healthcare system continues its present trajectory and buries itself deep within our collective bowels. Oh, wait that procedure is not approved under your current policy either.  Sorry.

It should be interesting to see what is next on Obama’s agenda and what nonsense will be fabricated to derail it.  Fox News could get the patriotards to fear Jello products if they wanted to.  Stop the Jello menace!  Jello will lead to socialized gelatin extremism.  Then the t-shirts will adorn the Drudge Report: Jello is UnAmericun, Jello is Pudding Us On.  Oh, I can’t wait.

Jello is American as apple pie, damnit.  I won’t sit here and listen to you bad mouth an American Confectionary Institution!

I will try to stay ahead of this game.  As Obama proposes his policies, I will try to guess the Fox fear fabrication (FFF) to come. That should be fun and educational.  Well, not for half of you.  But to continue to prove, once again, that I am not a pessimist: here is my good news/bad news installment for the week: 

Bad News: Fact: an estimated 52 pubs are closing in England EVERY day. 

Good News: Fact: ninety percent of U.S. currency tests positive for cocaine! Par-tay!

Dear Goomis,

Dilemma?  Mwaah?  I have simply stated ad infinitum that America will not survive eight years of George W. Bush (Me, 2004).  I am not particularly happy about this development, because this is the country where I happen to get drunk a lot.  As to your point about the Bush years being over, they most certainly are not.  I’m stunned that this man is still making decisions (if you can call them that).  He just appointed a man who pissed away more money on this ‘bailout plan’ than, well…than Bush himself did in the seventies.  Let’s be clear, Barak Obama only has about a fifteen percent chance of limping this country along, but in the immortal words of Leslie Neilson, “There’s only about a ten percent chance of that.”

The best case scenario for our county is extraordinarily gloomy, Goomy, but only for those material-minded amongst us.  For the rest of us, this may be an exciting opportunity to live out all those exciting reality television shows.  Lost?  You better believe we are.  World’s dirties jobs?  It’s back to digging your own outhouse. World’s nastiest food guy?  We’re all going on the Renfield diet-plan soon enough.  Oh, and let’s see how long Survivor Man lasts in a Long Island Wal-Mart holding the last bushel of apples. I can’t wait for that one. 

Many tried to protect their assets by voting for the Republicans in 2004.  Some of us made comments to the Wayne Rogers and Ben Steins of the world at that time; I suggested that they use the money to build bunkers (Me, 2004).  Now, a few short years later, we are facing an economic collapse, two endless wars, and a constitutional crisis.   The trick is never to damage the constitution in the first place.  The trick is not to follow Russia or England’s lead into an endless imperialistic nation-building project (solo). The trick is not to squander the credibility that this country took over two-hundred years to develop.  The trick is not to tank a virtually unsinkable economy.  Make no mistake—the damage has been done. There is very little to do now, except stockpile canned goods. The “One” is done before he even gets to bat.  Hope is nice and all, but it won’t pay the bills.  Hope was in 2004.  Captain cardboard might have been able to do something back then.  The times they are a changing, and the really tough choices should have been made long ago. Thomas Friedman continues to be a real leader in this department, and I hope Obama heeds his advice. 

As for your comment about asking them (Al-Qaeda) why they hate us, well…I’m sure they have a host of legitimate reasons and a host of illegitimate ones—which still does not excuse one item on a terrorist organization’s agenda.  This is another example of the FOX News fallacy (FNF).  FOX paints anyone who questions our strategy as an appeaser and pools anyone who questions Bush in with the denialist squad.  Pacifistic appeasers are rampant in the US and they function predominately at a ‘green’ level of consciousness.  I have referred to these folks as the ‘Bake Al-Qaeda Brownies people.’  They are the main targets of the FOX News All-stars.  It is noble to be pacifistic but unrealistic when it comes to terrorist organizations.  These liberal pluralists are unfortunately the main justification for the right’s ongoing stupidity.  

The republican agenda has coddled these corporate criminals.  The Dems, not wanting to be outdone, have now thrown their hat into the ring and are predominately responsible for the current sub-prime mortgage crises.  Our President, always ready to up the stupidity ante, has now compounded the problem by doing something about it.  Hooray for George W. Bush, the anti-King Midas, the man who turns everything he touches into shit.

At the last Republican Convention, Duncan Hunter stated “America doesn’t apologies to anyone” (that was embarrassing).  Michael Moore described pre-war Iraq like Disneyland (that was embarrassing).  The problem with most Americans is that they only have a visceral response to one or the other, but not both statements.  That’s the polarization of America under Rove; that’s the closing of the American mind.  You yourself only here one side of the argument and at this point probably always will.  If you are happy with either party at this point, you’re sniffing glue (Me, 2006). The Democrats scare the shit out of me.  Obama’s going to spend?  What money?  Our deficit has reached a point of absurdity.  Someone said that “people choose a party out of ignorance and stay with that party out of pride.”  Never has that statement been more true than today.

I supported the war in Afghanistan, but watched stunned as our army pinned Bin Laden up in the hills of Tora Bora almost to the moment Bush systematically diverted 70 million dollars (without congressional approval) toward the invasion of Iraq (the first of many impeachable offenses).  I knew then that this was a turning point for the United States of America.  Iraq needed to be sanctioned, watched, and maybe even invaded, but not amidst the pleas for patience by inspectors like Hans Blix.   I protested ‘Shock and Awe’ day along with three other people.  We were beeped at, jeered at, and flipped-off by our hometown ‘patriots.’   I was made to feel un-American by the likes of Sean Hannity, a man who championed the long string of White House policies that have crippled our country.  Sean has essentially been wrong about everything with the sole exception that ‘there are bad people out there, who mean to harm us.’  Very astute, dip shit.  You know when I figured that out, Sean? 9-fucking-11. The difference between you and I is that I’ve figured out a lot of other things since then. 

Of course, all of the blame doesn’t go to the Bushter; this is a systemic problem, but his catastrophic leadership during a critical juncture in our country’s history has dealt a major blow to our credibility and our future.  He is the symbol of everything that is wrong with our country.  Here comes Incurious George donning his emperor’s new clothes as he water boards his way to world freedom. 

What hurt Al-Qaeda most since the onset of the ‘war on terror’ was the election of one Barak Hussein Obama.  This did not cripple the top leadership of Al-Qaeda but it will help with the soft war, and it could hinder Al-Qaeda’s ability to recruit.  In other words, they will have less people available to fly in the planes that crash into our buildings. 

FACT:  Every NIE report states Al-Qaeda is alive and well and many have reported that the organization has strengthened since 9-11.

FACT: Having two-story billboard pics of Abu Ghraib atrocities (sanctioned by the Bushies) in downtown Tehran has been a tremendous recruitment tool for those who mean us harm.

FACT: Instead of winning one war in Afghanistan, we are losing two wars.  Iraq is an endless, billion dollars a week, stalemate at best.

FACT: We are heading toward bankruptcy.  The American way of life is a  crumbling house of cards.

FACT: To gain intelligence you gain trust.  Every intelligence agency in the last two centuries knows this, so donning your ‘I’d Rather Be Wateboarding’ t-shirt only shows the world that you’re functioning at a staggeringly low level of consciousness.

Much to the chagrin of the Hannity’s of the world, stating these facts does not place me into the ‘Bake Al-Qaeda Brownies’ club. They are simply painful facts about the last eight years under our country’s gross mismanagement.

For the last decade my fellow Discordians have been discussing a series of events that, sadly, have all come to pass.  Here’s what we’re talking about now:

NEXT FACT: Capitalism became super capitalism became super (imaginary) capitalism.  

NEXT FACT: Now we are discussing the less pleasant aspects of a societal collapse…things like food and water shortages. 

NEXT FACT: We have re-watched every Road Warrior movie, without popcorn, to prepare for the inevitable.

You’re prediction, Goomis, that the economy will turn around in a few months, is a continuation of the FOX delusion.  Time to pull those plugs from your head and climb out of the tub any time, Keanu.  You stated in your rebuttal that the last time you checked this was a democracy.  Last time I checked, we had war criminals in the White House—individuals far above the rule of law.  Like it or not our government is a joke and we have slipped quietly into banana-republic-land (BRL).  You are right about one thing; it is time to look to the future…a future that will be very different than the “FOX News All Stars” are predicting.  And, yes, they will call it the Obama Depression, because they are assholes.

But I’ll tell you what, I’ll try to make this my last rant on Bush (operative word, try).  And how about I save your socialist comments for the next rebuttal?  I need to buy some more pancake mix for my latest venture, the ‘Hot Cakes for Hezbollah’ program.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano