OK, Crank, I’ll Stop Bitching: After this One Last Time

Mick Zano

Funny, I said the same exact thing about methamphetamine.  This will be my last rant against Fox News and George W. Bush.  You don’t believe me?  Would I ever woefully mislead my fateful readership?  I’m not the Ghetto Shaman, for Pete’s sake.

I will ask this again…and again I won’t get an answer.  Besides pro-Mr. Burnses, short-term economic gains, what exactly have the Republicans both stood for and accomplished in the last few decades?  As I have said, ad nauseum, there is validity to aspects of their wish list.  They just seem the least likely people to accomplish any of them—at least historically speaking.

Why are people like BP CEOs, Mr. Burns over in Springfield, and the Foxeteers all on the same side of most issues?  Coincidence, or propaganda?  The last four Republican presidents increased the deficit 3x times more than the last four dems?  I know, I know, facts suck.  Funny, each of those “fiscally conservative” dudes went with that cutting taxes thing as the only plan.  For the last 8 presidents, we had to minus Obama, of course (because he came into power post-capitalism amidst a freefall).

It’s quite delusional to think that cutting spending alone is the only way to get out of gazillions in deficits.  England is an experiment starting right now.  They are doing it by cutting spending 80% and by raising taxes 20%.  Of course these days, U.S. Republicans would say cutting spending 100% is the way to go, because when you have Jesus, who needs math?  I kid the fundamentalists.  

We need to raise taxes 40 and cut spending 60, or some such, which drives the yes/no bunch crazy, but they’re already crazy.  Dems are against cuts and Republicans are against raising taxes. When you ask a Tea Partier what they would cut, they don’t know, because what they really want is all their current services without the taxes, which is even more delusional than the raise-taxes Dems. Another case of dumb and dumber. 

Also, my last post was actually about the media, Crank.  I never said this Black Panther thing is a non-scandal.  In fact, I made a point to say, “I really don’t have a clue what’s going on for this Black Panther scandal.” Of course, neither do you—you just don’t know it. But, Fox is never having to read the content.  This was the point: if this Black Panther thing is a scandal, since the media and the rule of law have tanked, good luck proving it.  I also said, with their current track record, Fox is likely to be proven wrong.  It’s another math thing.  We can’t call for the unplugging of Fox News, because there’s that pesky first amendment.  And surely there is a desperate need for a viable conservative news source.  Hey, let’s just shift Fox News over to Comedy Central!  Then it will be in the right category, and Jon Stewart can go over to where Fox is now.  A recent poll finds him more credible anyway.

But isn’t there any room in the mainstream media world for an intelligent version of republicana?  After all, it would shut me up (just think about that…).  Are they pandering to their bat shit base?  Mostly, Fox does what it does because it’s mind numblingly lucrative.  What’s striking is that Fox News is actually making fun of their audience, but the audience is the only bunch not in on the joke.  

And, yes, call me another lib nut but lying us into war is worse than supporting or not supporting a community organization gone awry (ACORN), and, YES, the politicization and destruction of the Justice Dept under Bush trumps some asshole having a misdemeanor dropped back in 2008 (under mysterious circumstances).  That’s all we really know right now about the Black Panther scandal to date. The only thing that really gets going during a Crank rant is the facts.   

Nowhere in my posts have I called the Tea Party racists, Mr. Crank.  Some racists reside within that group, of course, because of Spiral Dynamics.  Rep. Boehner (OH) actually had a great quote about this recently and I give him rare kudos for it. On the Dem side, Al-Qaeda and other tribal consciousness types are attracted to the Democratic Party.  Short version, Keith Olbermann can call the Tea Party ‘racist’ and Fox News can call liberals ‘terrorists’ with a hint of truth in each.  When you split a country into two main camps, all the levels of consciousness are divvied up rather poorly, which is why Ken Wilber and yours truly have advocated for more parties to be represented (examples: fundamental, entrepreneurial/scientific, progressive, and transcosmetic parties, etc.) It’s a developmental psych thing.  But is Fox too quick to jump in on the racial push back stories?

Someone on Fox said, “The big winner this week was Bill O’Rielly, who admitted he was wrong.”

No really, someone said that.  I’ll give you one hint which fair and balanced news network said it…

“There have been three big conservative outrages that have choked the airwaves over the past couple of weeks. #1 was about a bunch of scary black men, the New Black Panther Party. #2 was about a bunch of scary Muslims who want to build a triumphal mosque on the sacred soil of Ground Zero. #3 was about a vindictive black woman who works for the government and screws the white people she deals with. The running theme here is not just a coincidence.”

—Kevin Drum (blogger and columnist)

Oh goodness, one of these trumped up scandals hasn’t been debunked yet!  Ahhhhhhh!  The beauty of the Foxeteers is this: by the time the story is debunked, the ADD generation have already shifted this shell game to something else anyway.  It’s like that Zone episode, or was it an Outer Limits, where those people just keep building the sets of reality ahead of the main character.  The other two recent scandals are pretty much bullshit, or certainly not interesting: the Mosque is three blocks away from Ground Zero (that’s pretty damn far in Manhattan) and has actually been there in one form or another for decades, and we all know how the Sherrod thing ended.  Two reverse racist scandals down, one to go.  But that third one is an outrage!  Until that one goes tits-up as well, of course.  

So, let me get this straight, Mr. Crank, if this one Black Panther doesn’t feel the full weight of the law, all is apparently lost for Americana?  I know a Discordian who got two misdemeanors dropped this week and the world hasn’t fallen off its axis. Proven Republican scandals that will directly contribute to our collective demise = no biggie.  Mights, coulds, and maybes on the Dems side = an outrage, I say, an outrage.

You gotta love Hannity’s America.  No, you really do.  They’ll be back in power soon and they’re watching.  It’s amazing how the fighting 40% will go off half-cocked at any moment on the flimsiest of stories, but will ignore much more factual and impactual scandals.  Impactual is a word—one that even Sarah Palin would not refudiate.  

We currently have the vast majority of scientists in the world in agreement about global warming, but where else could you find nearly half a modern civilization unaware of this fact?  Or, more accurately, ignoring it entirely in the hopes it will not impact cheap energy and the American dream.  Sorry, Sean, the American dream is dead anyway, but why are you so insistent on taking the Earth with it?   As long as there’s one scientist left who will back your bullshit, let’s just roll those biosphereic dice one more time.

Conservative blogger Dennis Sanders asked on 7/26/10, why are moderates ditching the conservatives?

“The impulse here in the States among those on the right who are dissatisfied with the state of things, is to simply walk away. Whether its Brink Lindsey now touting a “libertarian centrism” or Tim Lee flirting with the left, the usual result of frustrated folks on the right is not to change things, but to leave and look for greener pastures. Why is that? Why is there no impulse to change the right?”

Doesn’t that bozo read Zano?

Oh, and let’s not forget David Frum in The Week 7/21 (conservative and former Bush speechwriter)

“When people talk of the ‘closing of the conservative mind’ this is what they mean: not that conservatives are more narrow-minded than other people — everybody can be narrow minded — but that conservatives have a unique capacity to ignore unwelcome facts.”

This inability to have any contact with the complete picture, as it relates to Earth and its inhabitants, makes 40% of our country dangerously goofy.  I’m not saying we should have a psychological assessment of some sort outside of every polling station.  That would be a terribly unconstitutional thing to do, but I’ve created one just in case.  It’s scratch and sniff, has proven measurable outcomes, and monkeys can be deployed to help administer the test.  Come on, it will be fun and informative. We can give the monkeys batons, which will piss off the right on so many levels.  

Bottom line, when a former Bush speech writer and a crazy-lib-Discordian such as myself are on the same page, you might want to at least climb into the same book.

OK, just one more time, I promise:

“It’s one other legacy [the deficit] of the Bush-Cheney years: by both bankrupting the country and grinding the US military into the barren dust of Iraq and Afghanistan, those two fools did more to weaken America internationally than any administration in modern times.”

—Andrew Sullivan The Daily Dish 7/23/10

That just slipped, I couldn’t help it.  OK, OK.   Deep breath….wait.  I can do this.

“Bush and Cheney defiantly should have definitely been indicted (For actions at Guantanamo Bay).”

—Andrew Napolitano (Fox New contributors 7/12/10)

OK, I need help.  I’ll admit it.  They say I got to go to blog-hab, but I said, “no, no, no.” But, look, most of these quotes are from this week and all of them are from conservatives!  Granted, respectable ones.  As more of the truth comes out, anger will only increase toward the architects of our downfall.   The nail on the chalk board you are hearing Crank is A.) pulling that lever for Bush (twice) and B.) the high likelihood you’ll pull that lever again for someone equally as destructive next time. Of course, you feel Obama is the main culprit. You’ve been programmed to feel that way. He is ranked somewhere in the middle, presidency-wise, while Dr. Two-terms is about last.  This won’t change much; they both may slip a little, but luckily for Bush, he can’t slip far.

The sound on the chalkboard that I am hearing is not pre-conventional and conventional thinking—those are inevitable in 2010.  The problem is those levels done badly.  As, I have said before, we need to pack the best and leave the rest.  There’s very little salvageable over at Fox News.  Oh, and Shep, if you’re listening, get out of the building when no one is looking.  I’ll have a car waiting in the alley.

Furthermore, I have always said things like the Constitution, The Bill of Rights, and the Justice Department, once bypassed, marginalized, or destroyed aren’t coming back.  This is where even Glenn Beck has a point.  These things died some time ago.  And you can try to revise history all you want, Foxeteers, but these things died on your watch…or, more accurately, when you were watching the swift boaters or some other shiny bouncing ball over on Fox News.

Deep breath…OK.  No more.  Never again…

Oh, Oh, wait! We just found out that Dick Cheney was totally responsible for…

This is CEO Pierce Winslow with a public service announcement: 

Mr. Zano’s Bush bashing continued for, uhh…I really don’t know how long, exactly, but I refused to increase the monthly bandwidth of this site to accommodate his ramblings.  The man has problems, and we should support him in this.  Though, I agree with the Crank that Mr. Zano should take a long break from politics, preferably indefinitely, I am refraining from out-and-out firing him, because each time I do he tends to submit even more material.  If anyone has any suggestions, please email us through our Contact Us Page.  And please don’t Ask the Ghetto Shaman.  He supports Zano, but only because he buys him beer.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.