Allman Brothers Dedicate ‘Ramblin’ Man’ To President Trump’s Latest Press Conference

Tweet Tower—Did you listen to that entire press conference? It was like reading Lord of the Rings backwards. We must get the One Coherent Thought from Mt. Doom back to that pub in the Shire! At this rate by 2020 the GOP can just legislate by scribbling their laws on the walls of a truck stop restroom. Maybe Betsy DeVos can do some in-house Sharpie corrections, or, in this case, outhouse. The rightwing brain trusts are somehow defending this new brand of regal gibberish. “Boy, he really showed them, didn’t he!” Yes. He showed them what a fucking idiot he is. It was like watching a kid with ADD trying to give a lecture on quadratic equations in a strip club. The hodgepodge of tangential falsehoods came at a such dizzying speed that Trump’s lucky he didn’t break the clown barrier. The heads of our poor fact-checkers must have been spinning faster than a pole dancer on an 8-ball. Fine, I’m writing this at a strip club. Sue me …Trump probably will.

This is why discourse is officially dead in this country. I didn’t help kill it, as some would attest, but I did predict its demise. Today, as a result, our nation is choosing to self-gerrymander. Let’s all play it safe and live around like-minded people. In this way my master plan will come to fruition: to have HOAs force republicans to register with law enforcement. It’s the same social media impetus to shift to Facebook groups, which I’m doing now as well. Ethnic defriending? Why have open discussions anymore? It’s sadly predictable and pointless, like watching reruns of Twilight with Nostradamus. For the next four years I refuse to debate the merits of anything that comes out of our president’s mouth, because there aren’t any. Kidding, he’s not going to last four years.

Breaking: Satan determined to dig out a special place in hell for FB comment-thread trolls.

Let’s not forget our president’s comments are fascist, yet somehow idiotic, thus my Ass-Clown Hitler designation. This is not just about Donald Trump as Fox & Freunde are the fertilizer that grew Herr Donald from a seedling. Turd of Paradise? Goosestepgrass?  Kudos to Fox News’ Shep Smith for his work yesterday. Shep informed the Foxeteers how Trump’s lies are incessant and often arbitrary. Shep’s like a Jew in Damascus, but it is fun watching Fox News anchors start to shift their role to Dr. Frankenstein.

Come on, Zano, politicians have always lied. What’s the difference now?

Cue Sully:

“Trump’s lies are different. They are direct refutations of reality — and their propagation and repetition is about enforcing his power rather than wriggling out of a political conundrum. They are attacks on the very possibility of a reasoned discourse, the kind of bald-faced lies that authoritarians issue as a way to test loyalty and force their subjects into submission.”

—Andrew Sullivan

Sound familiar? The Zano Nation knew what was coming for a long time (all 11 of us). Here’s a quote from an old high school friend of mine (an accomplished writer and journalist).

“Well, the same day he (Trump) declared that reporters are an enemy of the state…I went to an Oathkeepers meeting out in Dublin, CA and had to fight off a gentleman who tried to confiscate my recorder and notebook, twice, and demanded that I erase the recording of the mayor of Dublin trashing immigrants. I did appreciate the copies of the constitution that they handed out.”

—Tom Gogola

Says it all, doesn’t it? I felt the same way after attending a Tea Party rally, here. These people have hyper-focused solely on the 2nd Amendment and still managed to botch even that.

  The Constitution: you’re doing it wrong.

Under the guise of nationalism and libertarianism, the conservative faction of this country has become the greatest threat to democracy since alternate street parking. Let’s give up on the debate and focus on the mid-terms, which still seem impossibly far off. We all need to become involved in the political process! …well, besides me, of course. I’ve always had trouble with responsibility. Speaking of which, does anyone have any singles? It’s for a good cause.

 

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