Taos, NM—Paleoproctologist, Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Lube is back in the news today. The controversial scholar has announced his intention to create a facility off the coast of South America for the purpose of cloning dinosaur tissue. Dr. Hogbein told the press he plans to “bring taco Tuesday up a notch.” Critics of the proposal are concerned about a Jurassic Park-style incident occurring at the facility. Dr. Hogbein has since downplayed the possibility of this scenario. “What part of cloning ‘just enough dinosaur meat to put in taco’ do you no comprende?” said Dr. Hogbein. “So you think some ground chuckosaursus may end up roaming around my island? Or maybe a pterotacosaur is going to flap over to the mainland to start a taco-breeding population? This is about eating them, people, with shredded cheddar and some salsa.”
When asked where the inspiration for such an endeavor came from, Dr. Hogbein said, “My favorite thing growing up was to play with dinosaurs and eat tacos, usually at the same time. For my thesis I attempted to bring these two important childhood memories together. First, I considered the logistics of a giant dinosaur made from tacos but, after throwing up my tequila, this idea hit me. I’ve already purchased the domain names for Stego Salsa, Triassic Taco, Jurassic Pollo and an early favorite Del Tortillasaurus. We can’t just let our vehicles have all the fun; we need to put these giant bastards into our bellies too! Didn’t you ever watch the Flintstones as a kid and think, “boy a bronto burger sounds good about now”? Look, other countries are going to beat us to the punch, and I want to make America ground meat again.”
Dr. Hogbein then quoted stirring history of taco Tuesday, per Urban Dictionary:
Dan: What? Fuck that, it’s Taco Tuesday, I’m gonna go black out at Taco Bell!!!