Cryptosubologist Posits Giant Submarine Once Dominated Our Oceans

Oceans 11 (because our oceans go to 11)—Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Casino, has put forth a controversial new theory of our ancient oceans. Dr. Hogbein believes the early Ordovician period, traditionally believed to have been dominated by giant nautiloids and hemorrhoids, was actually ruled by a giant extinct submarine known as megalasub. “These were truly giants of the deep,” said Hogbein, “Nothing could have stood a chance against a submarine that could grow to the length of 375 meters. Could you imagine if Subway served a 375 meter long sub? I can’t, thankfully.”When asked about proof of the existence of such a massive ocean dwelling machine, Hogbein points to the graph at the top of this page. “The chart speaks for itself. I would also like to point out the movie poster for the film The Hunt For Red October, which makes the submarine look really big. Look, without a proper reference meglasubs could be mistaken for normal-sized subs, even during Super Bowl parties.”

Dr. Hogbein has asked for grant money to search the Marianas Trench for any signs of these ancient sea creatures. He has started a GoFundMe page, which is still $100K shy of its targeted goal of $100K.

 

 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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