North Korea—Kim Jong-il remains undaunted by his country’s continued sanctions, dwindling resources, and tough economic hardships.   Despite the odds, Jong-il and his ilk have created a completely wooden missile, the Taepowoodendong-2.  This formidable projectile is believed to reach from naughty bits all the way to the liver.

When asked if the missile could reach the U.S., Jong-il stated, “I know this much, it can reach all the way to who’s your daddy now, bitches?!”

When asked how he plans to bring the U.S to its knees solely through the use of a relatively small piece of wood, Jong-il stated he planned to “get America drunk first.” 

When questioned about his tactics, he became defensive, “Look, this is a long, completely unsanded ballistic dildo.  America will fear me now or suffer the dongsequences.”

Jong-il went on to explain how his last statement was a play on words that may or may not translate well into English.