Factoid Evolution: Republican Crap Is Our King

Let’s take a look at how republicans continue to handle the scandal, so to speak while weaponizing ignorance. If we’re going to survive we need to crack this GOP code, because they’re on some serious crack. A rightwing conspiracy typically starts with a totally baseless origin myth. After several inquiries, these tend to morph into an unrelated factoid, a tiny truthiness morsel that surfaces during their endless inquiries. The findings of this are then exaggerated and spun and then transmitted directly into the core of the republican brain. These origin myths are usually hatched as a distraction during an uncomfortable news cycle to coverup actual wrongdoing. This Foxal matter is then watered each day by Sinclair radio and Fox & Friends until it becomes a series of growing revelations that, like a reverse mortgage, eventually leaves you out in the cold. Is there any exception? Will there ever be? Let’s take another look at good old Hunter Biden.

Today we’re going to focus on Burisma. Burr-is-mah. R hatched scandals typically follow this pattern:

Factoid + investigation = no wrongdoing,

Under Obama republicans adapted this formula to:

Factoid + 3-7 investigations = no wrongdoing.

These rightwing scandals generally have an origin myth, which shifts the focus when there’s a need for a distraction from real wrongdoing. Then, as the plan invariably unravels, they order a double scoop of Foxal matter by seizing on something uncovered during the initial witch hunt, also known as the Factoid. This all ends during the last phase, the investigation, wherein during the hearing, trial, or publication of an official report, nothing relevant is ever found.

Let’s run through it with Burisma:

The Origin Myth

In the case of Ukrainian wrongdoing, the origin myth had less to do with Hunter and more to do with Joe’s alleged collusion with Kiev, or the patented I know you are, but what am I defense. While in the official role of veep, it was posited that Biden went after a Ukrainian prosecutor who had his son Hunter’s company in his sights, aka looking out for his own personal interests over that of the country’s. Our current commander in chief summed it up bestly while speaking directly to the Ukrainen president.

“There’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that so whatever you can do with the Attorney General would be great. Biden went around bragging that he stopped the prosecution so if you can look into it … It sounds horrible to me.”

Translation: I’m gonna have my guy call your guy so we can make shit up, together. What would be a good word for that? Collision? Protrusion? I’ll work on that one.

Hey, let’s play, find-the-factoid in this origin myth. Hmm. Wait, I got it! Joe Biden is Hunter Biden’s father. That’s true!

The Distraction

Republican-led witch hunts start as cover for more obvious republican crimes. They are intended to divert the news cycle elsewhere, but as time goes on the scandal takes on a life of its own. Since the original premise, aka the origin myth, is baseless, they need a factoid.

Trump was in the process of being impeached when the Burisma narrative surfaced, but during the congressional hearings—you know, to determine the possible removal of a sitting president—republicans ignored the actual crimes in favor of this important work of fiction.

Although the president was impeached, it was to this background chatter. The House found Trump guilty, but the Senate was too preoccupied with semirelated Hunter matters to really even discuss the matter. I would like to try that sometime. Your honor, during my disorderly conduct at Sal’s last night, my friend Dave Pa was, in fact, stealing a cardboard cutout of Paul Hogan. This may well be true, but it doesn’t absolve me of the jukebox incident, aka the reason for the actual hearing. This isn’t the best example, because Dave and I were both at fault at the same time in decidedly different areas of the bar, but, right or wrong, Hunter Biden’s antics had nothing to do with the reason for treason.

The Fishing Trip

This is when republicans go searching for scandal-gold in them there hills. In this case it started with multiple trips by Guiliani to Ukraine, but per NY Magazine this saga ended with our own Attorney General, William Barr, doing his own snooping for factoids.


Can You Make That A Double Scoop?

Your average republican isn’t savvy enough to really follow why this original premise failed. Kidding, they’re below average. As part of my zenwrongness theory, they stay laser-focused on the even more tantalizing factoid that emerges from their fishing trip. This double scoop factoid has some truth to it, which is good because by now the first scoop has already dropped off the cone and onto the sidewalk. This new tidbit is then exaggerated and extrapolated into a full-blown scandal.

Having failed to prove Biden strayed one iota from US policy, republicans needed to launch Operation Nepotism, which exposes Hunter’s past and brings into question how he landed the gig in the first place. These are legitimate questions, wholly unrelated to the matters at hand. The other factoid for this one is Hunter’s laptop, the contents of which will prove all kinds of wrongdoing. It’s like a tabula rasa in that whatever Sean Hannity can dream up will appear somewhere on that machine. It’s all very quantum. Schroedinger’s Scat?

Per the NY Times it looks like the FBI does have this mysterious laptop, but they also told Senator Grassley that it contains “no Russian disinformation.” For that you need someone with clear links to Russia, aka a republican.

The Investigation

The investigations into any rightwing invented schtiznik do tend to have their day in court, but they never end with an indictment or even any wrongdoing. My complete list of court findings, or lack thereof here. Let’s compare Trump collusion findings vs Hunter Biden findings (WAPO quotes covering Mueller):

The Russian reacharound was considered “a grave counterintelligence threat” by our intelligence agency, which made Trump at risk of  a “malign Russian influence.” The report also says Russian spies “were capable of exploiting the transition team’s shortcomings” and concluded: “based on the available information, it is possible—and even likely—that they did so.”

Now on the Hunter side, we have Grassley and Johnson’s 79-page extravaganza:

Uh, his Linkedln account could use some work. If Hunter used his father as a reference, did he really provide three professional references? Hmm.

OK, paraphrased, because they didn’t find any crimes, whatsoever, but did they find three professional references for Hunter’s Ukraine job? They did find some “bad optics,” very fertile for ongoing Foxal matter.

Fun Fact: Bad optics is every headline since ass-clown took office.

Remember what happened with a different laptop? in 2016 the Feds seized Congressman Anthony Weiner’s laptop (husband of then Hillary-aide Huma Abedin) and the rightwing media projected all of their delusions onto that machine. Fox even ran with “Indictment imminent” for Hillary during early voting after this important event. Brett Bair later issued a retraction, no doubt after the election, but you see what happens here? Nothing related to Hillary came from that laptop, but it was still relevant to the outcome of the 2016 election. So this meaningless stuff matters, because it has implications that can rock our political worlds. Their crap is our king.

I do believe Burisma is not dead. More “revelations” and intrigue will surface and there will ongoing speculation and more disturbing Hunter revelations, as the guy obviously has some issues. Prediction: they will eventually explore Joe’s obstruction of Burisma, because of their patented I know you are, but what am I defense. But will anything surface related to the initial inquiry? No.

Here’s the broader pattern.

Origin Myth Distraction Fishing Double Scoop: A Factoid Emerges Findings
Hillary is a cheat Ass-clown’s about to clinch nomination Podesta’s emails hacked, in this case phishing Pizzagate! Coded messages within Podesta emails speaks to Hillary running a sex trafficking ring out of a pizza parlor. No charges filed
Spygate Trump obstructed justice and colluded with foreign powers Investigate the investigators Horowitz and Durham report. One agent wrongdoing is extrapolated to FBI head Brennan and to Obama Horowitz is a bust, Durham a pending bust.
Biden colluded with Ukraine  

Trump is being impeached.


Barr, Guiliani, & other cronies seek factoids There’s a laptop that proves everything we’re saying! Senator report shows nothing, but more to not come.
Hillary lied, people died in Benghazi She is likely going to be the dem nominee 2016 7 investigations into something to do about something. The 3rd investigation finds misuse of email server and handling of classified emails 7 investigations find zero wrongdoing.

Burisma may now be devolving further into questions of Hunter Biden’s taxes. So think about the senate ignoring the removal of a sitting president for the possible tax issues of Trump’s political opponent’s son. Hmmm….

Now QAnon takes the dumbest double scoop scandal and doubles down on that, so let’s call it a Quad, because it takes Pizzagate to a whole new level. This can be interpreted as:

“If there’s no basement to this pizza parlor for Hillary to run a sex ring out of, where going to need to dig one.”

—John Q. Republican

This new approach by the reality impaired expands this conspiracy stuff to any judge, politician or counsel who doesn’t agree with the crazy initial premise. In the case of Pizzagate/QAnon, that a Kabal of satan worshipping pedophiles secretly run the DNC. Yes, we will be spending more time on this, sadly, so watch for the next Qdroppings. This is where we are at, folks. My friend and the Trump base don’t believe the findings of judges, special counsels, the Feds, and anyone can be deemed a member of the deep-state for disagreeing. It’s like McCarythism with a head injury. Today we’re not talking about the greatest cyberattack in our history, we’re talking about QAnon. And anyone who doesn’t further their narrative is corrupt. It’s a conspiracy that everyone’s is on. If I join the deep-state do I get a decoder ring? I’ve been waiting for that…

On the way out the door William Barr finally gave up the ghost and wouldn’t back Trump’s latest craziness, so he is obviously in on it. McConnell accepted the results of the election so he’s out. So we’re talking about the Trump crime family and the majority of their fanatical followers. Who is running this ship besides the mad King and the mysterious Q? Maybe my friend Pokey is the sharpest tool in that shed of theirs. Maybe he is as close to an intelligentsia as they’re going to get. And that should frighten us all.


*As I move to post, my blogvesary just posted his version of this same phenomenon, in reverse. His post can be summarized as the media is harping on Trump and a bunch of fake crimes to cover for this Kabal of satan worshiping democratic pedophiles. Wow. It’s the reverse of the reverse.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

  11 comments for “Factoid Evolution: Republican Crap Is Our King

  1. Pokey
    December 21, 2020 at 9:51 PM

    The Senate report specified 3.5 million dollars transferred from Moscow to Hunter Biden’s business account; and the Senate report mentioned a web of business interaction connected to the Chinese government.

    This video, of a Chinese professor bragging of the Chinese governments infiltration of “Core” political class of American politics, while mentioning the Bidens by name, was banned in China.


  2. Pokey
    December 21, 2020 at 10:08 PM

    Ratcliffe says that Chinese government has and influence campaign that targets politicians in U.S. that is 6 times that of Russia, and Ratcliffe claims there was foreign interference interference in 2020 election. Gordon Chang says Chinese government was deeply involved in 2020 election.


    • Mick Zano
      December 22, 2020 at 12:34 PM

      It’s a shame Trump never really wanted to protect our elections, because during the last round it benefited him. Had he done the right thing China’s influence may well have been less. Of course this is Ratcliffe, a dubious source, but soon enough we’ll get people who can walk and chew gum in positions of power. Biden will also restore the OIG, so if there are suspicions of anyone, anyone …whistleblowers can blow their little whistles, instead of having it shoved down their throats.

      • Pokey
        December 23, 2020 at 6:30 PM

        Ratcliffe, a dubious source?? Recall when Hunter’s laptop showed a web a business activities connected to the Chinese government and profiting “the Big Guy”—50 intelligence agents (former and current, including Clapper and Brennan) signed a letter saying that the laptop revelations were likely “Russian disinformation.” Shift and Biden also agreed that the laptop was “Russian disinformation.” but Ratcliffe immediately said that there is no intelligence evidence that suggests that the laptop issues are “Russian disinformation.” Now we know that Clapper, Brennan, Shift, Biden, and the rest of them were all lying—just like they lied with Trump-Russian collusion (the biggest scandal of our era, we’ll except for 2020 election fraud). In that case of Biden laptop Ratcliffe told the truth.

        Why do you repeatedly take the side of those with a past record full of proven lies (in critical moments of truth) and deem “dubious” those who have a track record of telling you he truth?

        You mentioned not the professor who boasted of the Chinese influence campaign marketing to lifelong politicians for that last “30 to 40 years,” and who mentioned the Bidens by name.

        What’s the name of this article again? “Crap is King? Are lies considered crap?

        • Mick Zano
          December 25, 2020 at 9:03 PM

          Yes, so we are finally in agreement. In an earlier article I said Ratcliffe “is a Trump rat who should be pushed off a cliff.” Just take out the question marks after your first sentence. “Ratcliffe, a dubious source??” Oh, and take out the comma. This is the closest we’ve been to agreeing on anything! well, if Grammarly is now our politifact …..which would be a significant upgrade from your fact-checkers.

          Retraction: you need to add an IS in that first sentence. I guess you’re right, Grammarly isn’t that good. I should have Gingered it.

          • Pokey
            December 25, 2020 at 9:56 PM

            Do you have to back up your claim that “Ratcliffe is a dubious source,” like the facts that I provided to show that Clapper, Brennan, Comey and McCabe are dubious sources. That is—there track record shows that they exploited their “intelligence” credentials and lied about controversial matters for political purposes. Do you have any evidence that Ratcliffe ever lied about controversial matters for political purposes?

            • Mick Zano
              December 25, 2020 at 10:11 PM

              Again, you have the burden of proof. And that’s not going to change any issue soon.

              • Mick Zano
                December 26, 2020 at 9:37 PM

                It has to do with the narrative, not the counter-narrative/distraction. It really comes down to what we know, what I’ve been covering, and what republicans can do with factoids in their free time.

          • Mick Zano
            December 25, 2020 at 10:05 PM

            Let me try again. Paul Manafort was just pardoned, aka the last guy to coverup the actual crime here. Weissman, Mueller’s right hand, agrees with me in that Manafort covered for Trump and the president himself obstructed the special counsel (after a two year investigation). And that Trump should go to jail for his crimes. So we’re not talking about crimes of the glue-sniffing, hypothetical variety. And on your side of the investigation/equation, aka Spygate, Horowitz and Durham both conducted investigations and their findings also agree with my initial predictions. You’re doing something called exaggerating an extrapolation while in the belly of an Oscar Mayer factory.

            • Pokey
              December 25, 2020 at 11:26 PM

              What’s that have to do with Ratcliffe?

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