Wasilla, AK—To protest the FDA’s decision to ban trans-fatty acids, Sarah Palin arranged a defiant demonstration. To the horror of onlookers she proceeded to chug a bucket of partially hydrogenated oil. More determined than ever not to be labeled a quitter, the former Governor of Alaska finished the bucket within minutes and then joked about having a second bucket for dessert.
“I admit I didn’t know a lot about this topic until recently,” said Palin, burping. “I always thought Trans Fats were those chubby men who dress like women. But now that I took the time to thoroughly understand this issue, I believe this is another attack on our freedoms. Americans should be able to decide for themselves what they should and should not eat, and if I like to slurp on a nice warm bucket of partially hydroconstipated oil then so be it.”
Palin burped again before projectile vomiting all over those in attendance. “And that’s not just throw-up, folks,” she said, before wiping her chin. “That’s the sweet chunks of artery clogging freedom, you betcha that is!”