The GOP: What Doesn’t Kill Them Only Makes Them Wronger

Mick Zano

Dear lame stream media, please stop suggesting shit to republicans. Pushing Chris Christie on them or encouraging a more moderate path for their party will only make them run harder and further to the right. There’s no point in trying to…oh, I get it! Brilliant! Proceed Governor.

As I’ve said, at this point I actually want the tea party to thrive because it could well mark the end of The GOP. Something unfixable, like my old Chrysler K car, must die. But, no matter what happens, we’re missing the real issue here: ninja porn. Okay, the other real issue: the fact the Foxeteers out there will continue to stomp their feet and vote on a whole host of meaningless issues.

Example of the day, the government’s allocation for:

The War on Christmas  =  25 Dollars (you’re next Rudolf!)

The War on Drugs  =  1 Trillion (which is an epic fail, yet the next trillion is being printed)

As a pretty good prognosticator I believe we are truly at a crossroads. The great divergence has ended and we are now experiencing the rise of the rest. So I make my predictions within the context of an ongoing American decline. That doesn’t necessarily mean the end of America, but rough waters are certainly ahead for a variety of reasons. If we elect Dems for the next several election cycles I believe we will muddle along and navigate this potentially volatile period of human history reasonably well. But, should a republican return to office in the near future, it’s going to be a quick trip to Shitsville—which I believe was also a Monkees’ song. There is a middle way, of course, called the Christie path and this would look different still, but….um…:

“Sure Chris Christie is more electable in a general election, but I don’t think he has a Sno-Balls’ chance in his pantry of making it through the primaries.”

—Mick Zano

The GOP has chosen the road of maximum suckage, which I believe was also a movie with Emilio Estevez. Lloyd Green begs to differ over at The Beast. No, Lloyd I’m pretty sure it was Emilio Estevez.

Meanwhile, here’s Frum on RHINO watch:

“They look to Speaker Boehner and Leader McConnell to fend off the crazies in the caucus, but they did not understand that those leaders’ strategy for ‘fending off’ the crazies consisted of abject appeasement of the crazies.”

—David Frum

I still believe those few surviving moderates on the right are spooked worse than a pedestrian in front of Lindsay Lohan’s car. But can the GOP once again galvanize into a country ending force, or will they continue to try to destroy America from the sidelines? It’s not that Obamacare could fail and end our country as we know it, it’s that such a failure could lead to a GOP resurgence…er, which would then end our country as we know it. That is not hyperbole. This is not one of my ‘crawling out onto a limb’ moments. For me it’s a no Boehner.

Realistically, I don’t think even the failure of the ACA can save The GOP. Never underestimate their incompetence.

Sullivan over on The Dish is covering the Chris Christie phenomenon as if it will have some impact on these folks. It won’t. All-or-none thinking is just that. They can’t relate to Christie because he sometimes strays into the realms of coherence.

“The Tea Party has proved to be a double-edged sword that now threatens those goals more than it aids them. A pushback has clearly begun.”

Bruce Bartlett

Drum also wonders if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel:

“(I) have spent virtually this entire period convinced that Republicans couldn’t possibly get any more conservative than they already were. We’ve been wrong every single time so far, so I’d take this time with a grain of salt too.”

—Kevin Drum

I’m afraid that light Drum is hoping for is a train. Common wisdom suggests The GOP will eventually have their “aha” moment and tack back to center. Naaah. Again, I have never put my money on their reasonableness. Hint, it’s why I tend to get shit right. In fact, Maddow attributes the recent Louisiana Tea Party loss not to some centrist shift but to a late endorsement by Duck Dynasty.

Congressional Polarization

Look at that chart again. These people are not going to suddenly become pragmatic and centrist. They’re heading toward the Batshit cave at warped speed.

Unless you consider the damage the GOP can do from the minority, the republicans are irrelevant. I realize this is shocking news to a full-fledged Foxeteer, but when you drive facts, science and history out of your tent as it turns out you’re left with:

Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel

But don’t worry, Cletus is endorsing Ted Cruz so you should be good. The GOP types of today will never understand conventional wisdom because they are neither conventional nor wise.

“The Tea Party is the most destructive force in American politics today. Over the last few weeks, it has demonstrated again that its intent is not to shake up the establishment but to burn down the village. As a Democrat, I disagree with its policy positions, but its policy positions alone are not what make the Tea Party so dangerous. What makes the Tea Party dangerous is its members’ willful disregard for the most basic tenets of American democracy.”

—Jon Favreau, The Daily Beast

A few weeks ago, the day of our pending default, the majority of the republicans in the House voted to end the American way of life. So my prediction regarding how close to the edge these bozos were willing to bring us was eerily accurate. Amen for the senate. Yet last week Sullivan got all kumbaya:

“We’d love to hear from you about bridging the gap. That goes for Republicans engaging Democrats as well, of course. And it also goes for myself.”

—Andrew Sullivan

Bridging the gap was my theme and my hope at the advent of the Daily Discord. I knew, even then, we were becoming way too polarized. Here’s a 2008 article and an excerpt:

“You can’t ignore that lines are being drawn, in some cases battle lines. Folks are becoming more entrenched and polarized than ever. Even your run-of-the-mill moderates understand that if we hand the keys to Rush Limbaugh or to Michael Moore, we are simply going to crash this car called America into different trees.”

—Mick Zano

It’s not that I’ve changed my views, I’ve just given up on bridging any gaps. The inability of the GOP to process anything outside of their ongoing false narrative makes any attempt at reasoning with them…er, like trying to convince the House to stop trying to repeal Obamacare.

“Essentially I had to deal with 8-years of Bush and now 8-years of a sickening brand of borderline treasonous obstructionism, while on parole and therefor sober.”

—Mick Zano

Those looming trees I mentioned back in 2008 look very different today. Obama is a pragmatist, not a crazy liberal, so the tree looming in our headlights is surely of the Cruz variety. Thus the main theme of my posts.

Oh, and before I sign off, regarding the death of our filibuster today:

Dear GOP,

I liked the filibuster. It’s a shame you idiots broke the damn thing.



P.S. To have the justification for an all-out balls-to-the-walls nullification party, you needed to attack someone who never got anything right, like our 43rd president for instance. Don’t remember him? His name rhymes with tush.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.