It’s absurd what’s happening today, and not just because of my last post about the Facebook Nazis. We are in dire straits, folks, and, Mark my words, I have had a Knopfler. (The Sultans of Swing Voters?) Sorry. Half our country can’t motivate and the other half probably shouldn’t. The Occupy movement remains rudderless and the Tea Party has charted a clear and exact course toward some jagged rocks.

Why are we increasingly polarized? Is it based on real differences, or is it by design? We need to get on the same page, folks, and soon. As Dylan and Hendrix warn us, “The hour’s getting late.”

Check out Dictionary.com’s definition of polarized.

Po·lar·ized   /ˈpoʊləˌraɪzd/ Show Spelled[poh-luh-rahyzd] Show IPA

(who should I show my India Pale Ale to?)

adjective

1. of or pertaining to a medium that exhibits polarization.

2. (of an electric plug or outlet) designed so that the plug and outlet fit together in only one way.

Check out definition number two. We are designed to see the world in one of two ways: progressive or regressive, positive or negative, D or R. Neither side has a monopoly on the truth, yet we have been pigeonholed into black or Romney thinking.

How did so many get so misinformed? Most of the blame rests with our entertainment in the guise of news journalism. Damn you Daily Discord, damn you! If you followed the Scott Walker recall coverage, umm, it was appalling.

“Given this blatant partisan coverage, it was absolutely impossible to watch either network [MSNBC or Fox] and weed out any clear understanding of the actual significance of the event, much less what effect it would actually have on the 2012 presidential election.”

—Dylan Byers Politico

When Mr. Olbermann started acting out, MSNBC told him good night and good luck. I imagine it won’t be too long before Ed I-know-nuszink Schultz follows suit. But here’s the rub, radicalism equates to promotions on the Right. Ideology is rewarded with viewers. Oh, and lie all you want, you’re audience doesn’t care. Fox is never having to make a retraction.

I want to retract that, Mr. Winslow. See? Even I can do it. Oh, he’s printing it anyway. Well, it’s the thought that counts and someday the Right will have those.

What can we do about this? There’s obviously a slew of people who want to watch this shit, facts be damned. Certainly one of the consequences for this station was a W. second term. Could you imagine if all you had was Walter Cronkite types? Bush would have been impeached, not re-elected. But, you can’t shut down Fox, you can only choose to shut it off, and that’s not likely to happen with the current caliber of their viewers.

“It’s a 66-Magnum….It shoots through truth.”

—Joe Piscopo

As predicted, the Tea Party was hijacked by Fake News, and, whatever it manages to accomplish, God help us. Then there’s Occupy, which has thus far been meaningless. The Discord’s version sums it up.

We are Discord! We occupy space

In this environment, can any grass roots movement really lead to more political parties and/or genuine reform? Face it, this is not exactly an independent-thought-friendly-era (ITFE). That was part of the initial inspiration for the formation of the Transcosmetic Party in the first place…and, of course, stories about Facebook Nazis.

Our two party system has us by the short hairs (I knew I should have manscaped). I fear Occupy is going to get rough and tumble at some point. And if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao…sorry, Beatles flashback. If I were a betting man, I’d say we have some riots in our future. I just want our ire to be channeled toward those responsible. And is that likely to happen? Occupy can be summarized thusly, “We’re mad but not sure why” and the Tea Party can be summarized as “We’re mad and supporting those destroying us.”

Well done everyone. How about we take a deep breath and think about shit before we start gnawing off each other’s faces.

“I’m taking my cannibalistic talents to South Beach!”

—LeBron James

Some of the misinformation is directly impacted by the dumbing down effect so prevalent today. Here’s a recent excerpt from NPR.

“The sophistication of federal lawmakers’ speech patterns is on the decline, with members of Congress now talking, on average, at the level of high school sophomores. According to a new report by the Sunlight Foundation, Congress has fallen by almost a full grade-level since 2005.” [and] “The members speaking at the lowest grade levels tend to be freshmen Republicans.”

If this is true, I would like to temporally channel a young sophomore Congressman Zano. I’m sure we’ll be interrupting him from his important endeavors back in high school…actually, let’s not. He just left for a Judas Priest concert with a bottle of Yukon Jack and a baggie of stems and seeds (a real Norman Rockwell moment).

We really don’t need to talk to him, er me—let alone allow him, er me to govern. This is a key aspect of Fox’s false assumptions, dumb is the new smart (the Palin Effect?). I have covered this disturbing phenomenon for yerbs. That’s what The Right is calling years now. It’s OK, I’ve gotten usett to ip.

“That depends on what your definition of ip is.”

—Bill Clinton

I wouldn’t be concerned about a bonefied Mr. Smith marching off to Washington but this isn’t about Jimmy Stewart, or principles, or anything remotely patriotic. Today, Mr. Smith doesn’t need to go anywhere near Washington. No coherent or compelling speech necessary. He—clearly in the minority— can simply filibuster shit from his iPhone enroute to the Judas Priest concert with the aforementioned bottle of Yukon Jack. This typically occurs after a memo and an enclosed check from the Koch Brothers. Yeah team America! Activate form of nullification.

If being inarticulate were their only drawback, we would welcome these new voices into Congress, but, as it turns out, that’s their only endearing quality. The worst part is their persistent all-or-none thinking. Let’s have a contest here at The Discord. If you can find something repeated over and over again on Fox News that is not based on a false assumption, you could be eligible for cash prizes! …or a bottle of Yukon Jack.

I’ve been diligently searching for scraps of truth on that side of the aisle since long before the Discord’s inception, but, like my evenings spent at the Bellagio, I keep coming up empty. Kidding! I’m barred from the Bellagio.

No grass roots movement is likely to remain viable amidst this two party tyranny. The main problems?

1. The media won’t allow it. See Ron Paul’s coverage on Fox or MSNBC.
2. Our two glorious parties won’t allow it.
3. Our country is waaaay too full of Regressive Conservatives armed only with ideology and a romanticism bordering on delusional. In fact, why don’t you and the 1950s get a room? (I left the Schmuck’s Capacitor for you back in the DeLorean.)

Before Andrew Sullivan named it ‘The Cocoon’ or Bill Maher started his ‘Dispatches from the Bubble’ bit, I was covering the alternate reality I named The Neococoon’. In the end, I predict the Tea Party may actually do Occupy’s bidding. I think the problem with Occupy is they are vying for a full blown collapse, which they can’t seem to bring about, despite their organized camping initiative (OCI). The only way to bring about a collapse today is by repairing our existing system through stupidity.

Enter the Tea Party…

As for Occupy’s current tactics, you can count me out of any activity designed to simply hurt small businesses…that’s the Government’s job. But a full blown collapse is looming and the Tea Party’s current policies are likely to bring about Occupy’s desire—aka, starve the beast, block any payment on our bloating credit cards, downgrade and destroy.

Activate revolution form of Inept Reforms.

“I just cannot see how that argument wins against the logic that this sacrifice needs to be shared, that we all need to do our part, that, at this stage in the debt-binge begun in earnest under Reagan, we should double down on supply side economics in the face of massive evidence that it doesn’t fucking work. You need some kind of intravenous injection of Jude Wanniski to get this argument off the ground and in the air.”

—Andrew Sullivan

No, you just need Fox News and their ilk. They are the wind beneath our sails…of the just ate too much Mexican food variety. This coming from the man who wrote The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How We Can Get It Back. I don’t think it’s coming back, Andrew. Here’s what Sully recently said over at The Dish about the inspiration behind his book:

“I truly had no expectation that my book on conservatism would have an iota of an impact on the current GOP. But I wrote it anyway, as a marker to myself of what I believed, as a way to clarify for myself – and anyone else interested – what conservatism is for me, and why today’s GOP has so brutally assaulted the tradition whose name they claim.”

I promise not to go all Ted Nugent on these peeps until they impact the micro brew and specialty coffee shipments coming into my town. When that happens, no promises. I also vow to blog about my subsequent visit from the Secret Service. My actions will make Guy Fawkes look like Ghandi, MFs! Sorry, I just felt the need to top Ted for a moment. Urge to kill fading…

None of us should be defending either party anymore. Can’t we all agree on that? No? I didn’t think so. The Right is always too busy defending the indefensible and making up shit about their political adversaries (isn’t it a shame that’s too long for Fox’s slogan?). The left is ready to throw in the towel. Meanwhile, the Right is ready climb back in with Sandusky, towel or no (what, too spoon?).

Romney’s economic advisor was on Fareed Zakaria this week, A.U. Sterity. He described Romney’s approach as Simpson-Bowels without any revenue generation. To me it sounds like an austerity-only cluster-fuck. Maybe Republicans should try the animated version, Simpson-Griffin? Doh!

Look, I never claimed to know a lot about economics…just more than a Republican. Cut from the same cloth, Paul Ryan’s Budget doesn’t address defense spending or revenue generating either and is designed to be as cruel and inhuman as possible, their usual M.O. I would actually sign off on their shit, if there was a chance in hell it would work…but, the only people impressed with their record at this point seems to be them.

Meanwhile, support for Occupy has dropped in half over the last few months. Therefore, many believe this movement is DOA….umm, those people are wrong. Admittedly, they do suck at the moment. In fact, I tried to contact the organizer in my town to ask, “Why aren’t you Occupying Facebook Meetups?” Using the internet to mobilize is the only thing the Tea Party got right. Yet I couldn’t even reach the guy. Hmmm. See the Discord’s important coverage of one of those local Occupy events here.

The Tea Party will die when they get the blame for the next Standard & Poor’s downgrade and officially gridlock us into oblivion. This will likely ignite a more formidable Occupy resurgence—too late to save our economy, of course, but fun and eventful nevertheless. And those with a clue will shift teams. Ultimately, Occupy has the potential to change the political landscape forever. It might alter how society functions and I hope a key focus will remain on sustainable energy and sustainable resources, as well as an emphasis on capitalism with a conscience. Yeah, that’s me dreaming again, but er, my dreams of tomorrow have proven to be more accurate than the Republican’s grasp of reality today.

Sociopaths can no longer be our CEOs and our leaders. Gordon Gekko must die! I know the Right has posed that Obama is a sociopath, but there’s currently little evidence. However, there is growing evidence that this man makes Gordon Gekko look like, well…. a community organizer.

I realize sociopaths are the Right’s champions, but my take on that sad piece of reality here.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to predict this shit, but it does take an Einstein to make people believe the exact opposite. Kudos Herr Ailes. Could you imagine a Michele Bachmann or a Rick Santorum with the ability to target anyone anywhere with a drone strike? That is when I will move myself and my family over to virtual Canada over at NHL.com (the puck stops here?).

The image of Bachmann with unlimited drones should keep you up at night. What will keep you up, you ask? The near constant explosions as our Government targets our gay and atheistic neighbors. (Studies suggest Explosion Therapy more effective than Conversion Therapy?) I’m being a bit facetious here but Presidents have more powers than ever before and they now want dangerously incompetent people to inherit these powers? One drone to rule them all…

Matt Drudge over on The Drudge Report is jumping on the Dem’s recent disillusionment. I think this shows the ability of the Left to assess and interpret facts. How quaint. Objectivity on the Right officially died during a recent episode of Hannity. RIP. Hey, maybe Giraldo can bury it in Al Capone’s vault. There’s also a chunk of our population who believes the Right’s appraisal of Obama’s performance thus far, which has little to do with reality.

Republicans didn’t mind deficits until they drove ours into the stratosphere. Their plan remains to counter our economic situation with their dumber than W plan. Sounds lovely. And, sorry, if you think returning to an incompetent foreign policy and an irresponsible economic plan is the way out of this mess, you’re more delusional than my prior posts suggest.

Kidding, I’ve had this bunch pegged all along.

The only thing that remains consistent in this freakishly bad economic period is the right’s unwavering ability to misread the tea bag leaves. In this environment, how can they do anything but hinder our recovery? How can they do anything but Fox-block a proper revolution? The answer is, they can’t—not if they insist on approaching each issue from the perspective of, “What would Mr. Burns like me to do?”

Good luck with that. If you find any policy or issue where Fox strays an iota from this theme, hit our contact button and I will post your comments. Good luck with that. I think you would have better luck finding a Mormon in a hash bar, or a Jew in Damascus, or an Iranian gay pride parade (Pricilla, Ayatollah of the Desert?).

At the end of the day, Republicans would rather allow the union to collapse than return to 90s level tax rates…and collapse it will. The Dems role in the demise of America is destined to be a footnote, but the Republican section will make War and Peace look like a haiku.

I live in a very red state. The move was quite volitional, kind of like when I pick at a scab, or order nuclear wings, or luge naked. Yes, I’m a luger, baby, like that song. It may just be a coincidence, but I can’t get MSNBC on the telly anymore. Lately my remote skips from CNN to Fox News. True story. I’m sure this has not been orchestrated by my Governor, Jan Brewer, as I have seen both my cable company and Mrs. Brewer in action, first hand, and neither of them could pull off something this sophisticated.

Please Suddenlink Cable, I need my liberal shelter from this imbecilic storm! OK, I don’t like MSNBC much either, but I tend to only groan now and again at the television as opposed to Fox, which triggers my Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). Oh wait, I get Fox News on multiple channels now. That’s helpful. Not! My IQ is dropping five points a week! I’m starting to grow an inexplicable appreciation for Bill O’Reilly and I can even make it all the way to the first commercial break on Hannity without the vomit bag. Mostly.

Have you been following the Republican debates? This particular Super PAC propagandic extravaganza makes the last days of Rome seem like The Garden Reiki Wellness Center (where the Ghetto Shaman and I spend our weekends hitting on enlightened chicks). To summarize events, Mitt Romney has not sipped sufficiently from the Cup of Stupid. Apparently, you must alienate everyone with a clue as well as every independent voter in the country to get “the nod.” It’s a nice vetting process, for those who wish to remain the minority.

The misinformed masses just won’t settle for someone who might secretly have a brain, so Enter the Santorum. The then PA Senator voted with George W. Bush on every issue. I lived in PA under his watch. I realize this period of time has been stripped from the memory banks of about 40% of our population. Should you be a Foxeteer, please ignore this last point and repeat the words: Obama is a socialist. Thank you.

For the rest of us, let’s review what George, and by proxy Rick, got right between 2001 to 2006:

1. Well, W’s first pitch at that ball game wasn’t bad, but we can’t really give any credit to Rick for that one.
2. Please see number one.

So….ZERO! Let’s do the recount…ZERO! Not sure what Santorum’s Senatorial record was like pre-2001, but it’s a safe assumption it involved sweater vests and important sweater-vest-related legislation.

I wasn’t feeling well the other day, so I abandoned my post at work and crawled into my favorite Archie Bunker chair. I can only claim this valuable piece of real estate when no one else is home, mind you, because as Dylan tells us The Times They Are a Changin’. If my boss happens to be reading this, I can assure you, my illness had absolutely nothing to do with Flagstaff’s recent Brew-Ha-Ha. Honest. I did not even attend that unsavory event, so please ignore my related post on the subject. Really, it’s just another strange coincidence, like that time when my monthly reports had that paper shredder mishap.

So, completely devoid of my Hannity-proof-harborage, I hesitantly turned on Fox News. This can’t really happen much in the evening anymore. When my daughter is home, she makes me turn it off by reminding me, “Dad, I’ve only ever heard you curse when you’re driving or watching Fox News.”

Even if the house is empty, like today, I can only watch Fox News until my heart monitor starts erratically beeping, then I need to switch to something more calming, like those Saw movies.

So for one hour, and one hour only, I turned on Herr Murdoch’s channel. This was the result:

Code blue: Zano’s living room…

No, it wasn’t that bad. I have learned a series of breathing techniques that allow me to lower my blood pressure between bouts of profanity. Wouldn’t you know it, Megyn Kelly is interviewing Liz Sith-Apprentice Cheney. Oh boy, returning to work was starting to sound pretty good. I reached for my Tums as a preemptive measure.

Here’s some of that magical Liz Cheney interview with my thoughts in parenthesis:

Liz on the State of the Union:

“To see a president stand up at a SOTU and act as though our prestige is at an all time high (yeah, your father made that impossible, didn’t he?). It’s not the first time he’s made such mistakes (to assume the Bush years are easily reversible is very insightful, if you’re a strain of bacteria). When you see that naivety combined with arrogance it’s really concerning (BIN LADEN, BITCH! Al-Qaeda dogs finally in their kennel!).”

Sorry, that was uncalled for. My apologies to Al-Qaeda.

Liz on the Arab Spring:

“They’ve (The Obama-Nation) had absolutely no strategy across the Arab World. Our response has been inadequate (what we really could use is just a couple more land wars in Asia to help your father’s Halliburton stocks, right?).

Come to think of it, if only Dick had been as smart as that fictional character Vizzini from The Princess Bride, this never would have happened.

Liz on Syria:

“This administration doesn’t have enough prestige to put together even a bare minimum coalition to condemn what’s happening in Syria (because of your father).”

This is kind of like burning down the only bar in town during a drunken blackout and then going to the press the next day and asking, “Why can’t our neighborhood even sustain an acceptable drinking establishment?”

You see, Liz, I remember waaay back in 2002 all those coercive tactics your father used to build a coalition to invade the wrong country under false premises. You don’t think that impacts our ability to coalition-build a mere few years later? Really? I know he’s your father, but the chances of him killing the Emperor to save Luke Skywalker is remote at best. And, lady, if you cared about the rule of law, at all, you would march your father to an airport and pick some civilized country as a destination, preferably one that would arrest him on the tarmac.

Then Megyn Kelly finishes her show with a completely erroneous summation of the situation in Iran. Well, it’s the same thing echoed in every other Fox show, so it remains a true story to those residing squarely in the neococoon. Basically to sum up Megyn’s “journalistic” segment, Obama’s doing nothing about Iran…and we are all in danger…and he’s weak…and we’re not going to back Israel because Obama’s is a Muslim, living in a madrassa, plotting the downfall of America through socialism. The usual.

I’m done. I’m shutting this shit off in favor of C-Span’s coverage of the latest Labor Relation Act for the vertically challenged. The unemployed are really falling short on this one.

Megyn, Megyn, Megyn. Admittedly, I don’t know what Obama is up to, but we will likely find out at some point how he outsmarted Iran, again, just like he outsmarts the Foxeteers each and every news cycle. Do I know how this will end? No. Is there a clear potential for something terrible to happen? Yep. And it was just as critical when Bush left office, but, luckily, Obama has an understanding of people, foreign policy, and nuance. Through a series of chemical and neural impulses firing within his frontal lobes, he can make something called informed decisions. This has been a problem with you and your candidates for a long, long time. Each election cycle the right is opting for people with less and less of these aforementioned chemical and neural messengers. Enter the Santorum!

Obama’s skills have thus far been light-years ahead of Incurious George’s, placing him well within the mediocre realms—a place the Foxeteers hope to reach someday with just the right amount of spin and Zyprexa.

A small dose of reality:

How we handle this Iranian scenario is absolutely critical. This is a monstrously delicate situation. In other words, let’s elect Gingrich! Obama is trying to avoid, for the moment, regime change and a full blown American Depression. He already sent a computer virus that pushed Iran’s uranium enrichment capabilities back at least a year or two (by even the most conservative estimates). And, Iran is undergoing the most sustained and painful sanctions ever put into place, which is why they are currently threatening to block shipping lanes. Our own foreign affairs minister and many other sources claim these sanctions are very coordinated and are having a greater impact than any previous attempt. Sooo, you just happened to leave those parts of the equation out, Megyn? That’s crap, like most things that come out of your mouth.

Fox News information is based on either lies, false assumptions, or my favorite, lies of omission. This is why reality never plays out quite the way the Foxeteer predicts. Their endless patriotic march from surprise to surprise to surprise must be very vexing. And then they have to work feverishly to create a whole slew of other false assumptions to explain their last round of false assumptions. They’ve done this so much and so effectively, they might be the first group to actually reach Zen through their own rectums. I believe the Ghetto Shaman refers to this phenomenon as a self-Nirvanaloscopy.

I need transcripts for Fox’s shows. It’s comical. I know, I know…you love America so much you want to crush it into a small congealed ball of stupid, but I just don’t want any part of it. The closest conservatives have come to being right about anything in recent years is our exploding deficit. They are so close to nailing this issue, they can smell it—except the whole being nearly dead wrong part. They didn’t care about deficits, at all, until every reputable economist in the country said, umm, if we don’t keep printing lots of funny money we’ll sink into a depression. So at that very moment when we couldn’t stop, is the same moment when they had this bright idea that deficits matter and to stop. Now on other issues…ummm, they haven’t fared quite as well.

I have been on this story for years, but recently Andrew Sullivan has picked up the torch. And he has an audience about million times mine. I know, I know, we should get a room, but he’s married.

“The Republican Establishment is Rush Limbaugh, Roger Ailes, Karl Rove, and their mainfold products, from Hannity to Levin. They rule on the talk radio airwaves and on the GOP’s own ‘news’ channel, Fox. They have never quite reconciled themselves to Romney since he represents a gray blur in a stark Manichean universe they have created for more than a decade now. In this universe, there is only black and white. There is only them and us. Anyone who diverges an iota from this schematic is speaking without a microphone in front of a revving airplane engine.”

—Andrew Sullivan

I usually give him all the credit, but this time I think he’s actually channeling me. Hey Fox News, you really want to humiliate Obama? Take a page from the Daily Discord:

Obama Humiliated by "Singing Frog" Sensation

Occasionally I have been wrong here on The Daily Discord. I know, I know, say it isn’t so Zano. But a few of my predictions have clearly gone astray.

I still believe, Sanjya!

Surely my biggest miscalculation involves the time frame for the double dip recession. But here’s one I’m taking back. My relatively small list of boo boos just got smaller. I did not support “The Surge” in Iraq. I felt, at the time, it only acted as a Bushian human shield, so he could quietly sneak away to go clear brush or conduct some other task more suitable to his relative skill set.

In an article for the Discord in 2008, I said, “the catastrophic decisions by Bush and company are swept away by the success of the surge, which equates to a billion dollar a week pause button in the endless clusterfuck that is the Iraq War.”

Back then, this “Surge” marked my only retraction and, likewise, the only bragging point on the Right. Soooo, if that becomes meaningless as Iraq deteriorates then what, exactly, have you been right about? Never mind, I don’t want to hear your version of history; it makes my ears bleed. As we leave Iraq, it seems the country is doing what many predicted, tanking right on cue. So what did this surge accomplish, exactly? …besides weaken our economy, of course. So, my fairly short wrong list just got shorter and the already staggeringly long Republican wrong list, well, I think it’s approaching Santa list length (SLL). Who’s been a naughty neocon?

I’m still waiting for a Foxeteer to cite something that, years later, has proven to be anything but dead wrong. It would be an interesting experiment in futility, or, in their case, a better life through revisionist history. Oh wait, they were against the bailouts and so was I. Uh oh, I sense another retraction in my future.

Christopher Hitchens was about the only person on the planet who could clearly explain the justification for the War on Terror and the necessity of the Iraq War—at least in any meaningful way (aka, he was never allowed on Fox News). These days anyone who can articulate their position is suspect. The day Hitchens’ passed, a collective gasp rifled through my friends and colleagues, many of whom did not even share his political views. The Hitch-22 is this, an irreplaceable rational voice was lost to us last week and our fight against totalitarian thought just became a much more arduous task without him.

Hitchens made a compelling argument for taking up arms in the war on Islamofascism. Although I am more dove than hawk, any given Hitchens’ article found me ready and willing to nuke the friggin’ Amish. There are scant few logical opposing views these days, and that’s a shame. The right, of course, will not grieve his loss. They look on any intellect with disdain and suspicion—after all, dumb is the new smart, which is working out so well for them. Besides, Hitchens was an atheist so why bother? He used to get thrown off  of  the Sean Hannity show regularly for making something that has no place in Hannity’s America…sense!

John McCain had the most stunning comment on the final withdrawal of troops from Iraq:

“Over 4,000 brave young Americans gave their lives in this conflict. I pray that their sacrifice is not in vain. I hope that their families will not mourn the day that their sons and daughters went out to fight for freedom for the Iraqi people. Unfortunately, it is clear that this decision of a complete pullout of United States troops from Iraq was dictated by politics, and not our national security interests. I believe that history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves,”

– John McCain

And to think, we almost made this moron president. Sir, with all due respect, Obama was elected in part to get us the hell out of Iraq, which marks a rare moment of lucidity amongst the electorate. If we left now, or a hundred years from now, the Iraqis themselves have some things to sort out—messy things that involve mortars and martyrs (which, by the way, is also my favorite Iraqi game show; it’s almost as good as Wheel of Fatwa).

Here are two points for Senator McCognitive problems to ponder (the right can, of course, ignore both of them and jump right to my comment on socialism):

1. Obama followed Bush’s time line. Bush wanted oil and revenge, but realized at some point he needed to keep himself out of prison, so he shifted away from the policies of his sociopathic Vice President and set a time table for withdrawal. Yeah of history!…happy clap!
2. Obama tried to keep bases and a presence in Iraq, but we were asked politely to leave. The only way we could stay was if our troops agreed to obey Islamic Law. After forgetting to pay, I love having my hand chopped off leaving the local Iraqi Chucky Cheeses. That would have gone over so well with the military families, eh? Look, Iraq is a sovereign nation. Wasn’t that the point? What are you suggesting, sir? Here’s what I—as a behavioral health professional—am suggesting is your problem, Senator…it rhymes with cement-sha.

Shortly after he died, I caught Hitchens’ last interview with Richard Dawkins. These are two very bright people who share an enthusiasm for atheism, but otherwise come from very different disciplines. Hitch the journalist and Dawkins the scientist made for a fitting last interview. And what did they talk about? The very point I’ve been trying to make since long before the Discord’s inception:

DAWKINS: I’ve always been very suspicious of the left-right dimension in politics.

HITCHENS: Yes; it’s broken down with me.

DAWKINS: It’s astonishing how much traction the left-right continuum [has] . . . If you know what someone thinks about the death penalty or abortion, then you generally know what they think about everything else. But you clearly break that rule.

HITCHENS: I have one consistency, which is [being] against the totalitarian – on the left and on the right. The totalitarian, to me, is the enemy – the one that’s absolute, the one that wants control over the inside of your head, not just your actions and your taxes. And the origins of that are theocratic, obviously. The beginning of that is the idea that there is a supreme leader, or infallible pope, or a chief rabbi, or whatever, who can ventriloquise the divine and tell us what to do.

I’ll give you a hint which side of American politics has been more totalitarian in recent years. It rhymes with preservative. Speaking of which, do all preservatives suffer from cement-sha?

Hitchens represents one of our last gasps of independent thought. Only a few recognize the dangers of totalitarianism, this absolute all-or-none thinking so rampant in today’s politics. As Dawkins asserts, we shouldn’t know all of someone’s political views if, say, they happen to be in favor of gun control. But we do and therefore can predict, with a stunning accuracy, where they fall on every other issue from that point on. Why is this, you think? Well, you don’t think…that’s the point. Cable television does the thinking for you.

Where I would expand on the Dawkins Hitchens premise is this: religious zealots are not the only issue. Although the evangelical branch of the right is clearly problematic, fundamental thought is not only driven by the preachers but also by the pundits. Fox News, in particular, has had a staggering impact on the “real American” psyche. Are you wondering why you can’t find a candidate? The one’s you have must all drink from the Foxian Cup of Stupid. It’s why Ron Paul remains an outsider. Independent news died and what’s astounding is how quietly it scampered off. The blogosphere promised new views and new opportunities to hear endless voices on endless topics. Yet, here we are, listening to dumb and dumber, those talking heads on cable television—who you all magically agree with. It’s all variations of the same two voices, let’s call it KochSoros Syndrome.

As for our foreign policy blunders of the recent past, Ron Paul exposes all the Republican Party’s failings in this area, which is precisely why they despise him. As usual, The Dish master gets it:

A (Ron) Paul win in Iowa would completely discombobulate Fox News. That’s good enough reason in and of itself to vote for him. Any restoration of decent, intelligent conservatism must start with a weakening of (Roger) Ailes.

– Andrew Sullivan

True story…er, my story. Meanwhile, Republicans want Obama to go away, as if that will magically solve our problems. I’m afraid the global economy is in its death throes. Look, if Obama loses in 2012 that may or may not be a good thing for our country, but if tomorrow marked the last broadcast of Fox News? Now that would truly be a great day for America. If there were only more independent-minded conservatives like Andrew Sullivan, or even the late hawk Christopher Hitchens, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. Sullivan actually supported the Iraq War but at some point was struck with the realization that Bush was grossly incompetent. What a rare individual…and on the Right no less!

As the last people in the know leave this dimensional plane of existence, I can’t see this battle for a higher level of consciousness ending well. It reminds of a recent Onion article, Last American Who Knew What the Fuck He Was Doing Dies. As for hawkishness, Christopher Hitchens was clearly that man. He marked the only person who could explain your position on foreign policy in complete sentences. Well, I guess you still have The British are Irish Palin.

What strikes me as sad is this: the only people who did not even take notice of Hitchens’ passing are the very people who needed his voice the most.

You stupido bastards, you keepa tella me, “Why u gonna buy Chrysler? Why u waista so much money on such American crap, eh?” I also get lotsa, “U stupido CEO, wherza u brains? Inna u ass?” Anna I getta, “Hey Sergio, whera u woikin nest, eh?” Okay, I’ll stop writing in accent, promise…

If you were wondering, the following is a letter I have written on behalf of Sergio Marchionne:

Dear Fiat Shareholders,

I’ve put up with all this shit from you shareholders for months now. When I agreed to purchase Chrysler, I got grief. When I said I was going to re-finance the debt we had to the U.S. Government, and save us a fortune, I got grief. NOW, all of a sudden, I’m getting no such feedback anymore. Oh, geeh! I wonder what happened. Well, I’ll tell you. The European money market crashed and burned. No one is buying any cars, whether Fiats or Ferrari’s. We can’t fukking give them away. We would normally be doing just what the rest of the European auto makers are now doing: lying to our shareholders, stealing the shareholders’ money and hiding it in our matterratzes, while waiting for the Government to either bail us out (which can’t happen, they actually have less Lire-er-I-mean EU’s on hand than we do), or close us down.

BUT, you know what’s actually happening? Weeell, I’ll tell you. That little deal I had for Chrysler, you know the one where we paid about a penny on the dollar of real worth? Yeah, that one. Well, while we Europeans watch our little experiment in socialismo crash and burn like a fukking Russian satellite, those fat-assed Americans are back to doing what they do best…buying fat-assed SUVs. The largest seller, the Grand Cherokee is from a little company called JEEP. And guess who owns Jeep? CHRYSLER. And guess who owns Chrysler? WE DO, ASSHOLES!

The Jeep Grand Cherokee is saving our greasy WOP asses, boys. So, while the rest of the European car market fizzles like last year’s birthday candles, we be in da Lire, fellas. Big Time! We changed the one thing Chrysler couldn’t do right, interiors. They were like hard plastic little torture chambers that even someone who supports water boarding couldn’t approve of. Who better to redesign a car interior, the Czechs maybe? No, us emotional Italianos. We, the masters of all things leather and chrome (not to mention flappy paddle gear changers). They had the Hemis, they had the styling, and we made the package whole.

So now I’m like a fukking clairvoyant or something, I’m the toast of the town! It’s like I have my own theme music as I saunter down the piazza.

Can I lighta u cigarette, Signiore Marchionne?

Let me get that door for you, Signiore Marchionne.

Will you appear on our TV show, Signiore Marchionne?

Would you wear one of our brand sweaters, Signiore Marchionne?

Fuck you all. I knew what I was doing, oh ye of little faith. Europe will never be the same. Crash and burn. I’m here by bringing notice that the headquarters of Fiat S.P.A. will be Auburn Hills, Michigan, U.S.A. as of January 1, 2012. That is, unless I get one HELL of a deal from the new Italian Government. You listening, Signiore Monti? You’d better be.

As for the rest of you whinny Fiat shareholders, in the immortal words of Roman Maroni, “I’m gonna cut off a u arms and I’m gonna stick’em up a u iceholes!

Respectfully Submitted,

Sergio Marchionne

P.S. You’re a bunch of farggin somna batches!

Ok Mikkey, here is another one of those generalities you hate so much. All your statements on “climate change” “global farting” “death warmed over” or whatever you choose, are wrong. All of them (Geeh, I so love doing that).

First, the earth hasn’t warmed in over ten years. Know why? I do J! China’s spewing of sulfur dioxide from burning coal, that’s why. A recent study indicates that so2 actually reflects sunlight in the atmosphere. Of course, it also causes acid rain. (Oops) Lets not stop them from doing what they’re doing, there is nothing in it for the “warmers”, let’s do something here, like then paying the scientists even more to now figure out how we (the US) can negate the effects of the rest of the world, while simultaneously going broke doing it.   Money

Second, it has been admitted by UN scientists that they repositioned most of the temperature sensors worldwide closer to centers of population, to skewer the results. They all make quite a lively hood of it all, hundreds of millions for the scientists and the likes of fat Al, with his jet and mega mansion, and G.E, with its already set up carbon credit Ponzi-sham money robbing system. Mo Money.

Third, let’s look at facts: we (the U.S.) have all but stopped so2 emissions , lowering them some 70% from 1980. We also have added hundreds of millions of cars and trucks to our roads from 1970’s numbers, yet we have not increased the amount of pollution directly from them one iota. How, by re-engineering the way the internal combustion engine works, and using wind tunnel testing for aerodynamics. The U.S. is a world leader in many areas of pollution control. Hell, even Canada and Mexico are producing more so2 than we are. That is exactly why more and more companies flee to Canada/Mexico (our own auto industry) and China/India for most of the worlds manufacturing. Less energy costs, less labor costs (no unions), less governmental incursions. Even Mo Money

Fourth, most of the CO2 that we expel into the atmosphere does not increase global temperatures one degree. It is diluted into the oceans, and then what is left is re-released into the lower atmosphere where it is all absorbed by plants. By regulating CO2 as a harmful gas, the E.P.A.(Evil Pay-me Administration) will only cost us billions, and help no one, no one but those evil Chinese Indians with emphysema. Want to really help? Go to the equatorial rainforests and stop them from clear cutting hundreds of hectares a day for uselessly farming the land (it does not farm well at all), or worse still, burning the trees to make coal for energy. Whole Shit-Loads O’ Money

Fifth. The United Nations whole environmental plan is not based on China and India doing anything. Look it up, sir. What t is all about the U.S. paying monies to so- called “third world countries” like, well, China and India, (surprise face now) to “help them clean up their act”. Fuck them. We did it on our own. The UN cares nothing about anything except the re-distribution of wealth, from our pockets to theirs.

It is all questionable at best, junk at worst. Just to show you how money related it all is, here if the best example I can find. In Australia, there is a company that requested it receive some form of “carbon credits” or the monetary equivalent, from their government, for killing Camels. Yes, those lovely, spit in your face, multi humped dromedaries. Evidently, Australia has a shit load (sorry) of camels, who knew? It wants to shoot them by helicopter. They are using actual studies by the so called climate scientists that show that in The Land Down Under, (where women swoon and men plunder), camels release too much methane, thus help cause global whatever. This is no shit, (pardon the poopy pun) it is real.

So, to close, dear Mik, cause not the US to fall further towards the event horizon of the black hole that is failure of the U.S economy by making us the only ones paying for all this shit. Move your ass to China or India and work on them for a while. Make them catch up to us, and then we can talk about further restrictions. Having us do something that is negated a thousand times by other countries, all the while costing us billions, and sending all of our manufacturing to China and India, is just plain gap-toofed stooped.

Talk to the hand

Crank

We’re all toast. I can’t argue anymore, Mikko. To paraphrase the Grateful Dead, we’re all goin’ to hell in a hand basket, but where I beg to differ with Mr. Garcia is this: I am NOT enjoyin’ da ride.  The 28 days of February saw the U.S. borrow a record 266 billion dollars. That’s more than most presidents’ YEARLY deficit!   In fact, that’s more than most of the Discord contributor’s combined bar tabs…or pretty darn close.

And, yes Mikko, that’s why I said MOST presidents.  Notice I also said MOST Discord contributors (you and the Shaman might skew that score).  But, what is Washington all fired up about? They replaced the paper cups with Styrofoam?  Oh the horror.  Then the Dems threaten to sue the Republicans if they get cancer from them? We need to reduce the deficit by gazillions of frigging dollars. I don’t care if you assholes have to eat off plutonium plates at this point.

Here’s the great budget debate of 2011, summarized for your enjoyment:

Step 1: The GOP decides they want to cut $61 billion

Step 2: Obama downgrades that to $6 billion (which, according to math whiz Geithner, really only entails dropping the one).

Step 3: Then Democrats in the Senate double down on the stupid, “Hows ’bout $4.7 billion?”

Step 4: Then this pill on Capitol Hill goes to Congress, where a handful of newbies are flitting around yelling how the shit is hitting the fan.  And, with pieces of shit actually hitting their faces, everyone else in Congress “poo-poos” the idea (I do apologize for that one.  Just be thankful the faces-feces one was omitted).

I think they finally settled on cutting 6 dollars and 87 cents (probably from my paycheck).

Look up the words “Don’t Get It” in the dictionary and you will find a picture of our current Congress.

Uhhhh, we have a 14 trillion dollar shortfall, folks.  Really, that’s all you could muster?  And Harry ‘kill the prostitutes’ Reid argued on the Senate floor on how unbelievable it was that the meanies at the GOP want to defund the North Nevada Cowboy Poetry Festival (NNCPF).  No shit. I can’t make this stuff up—well, I could but in this case I didn’t have to.

Gas is up near four dollars a gallon. The Mideast is all F-d up. Donald ‘It Ain’t Not A Hairpiece’ Trump had it right.

As his hair waved hello to us in the wind, he recently stated in an interview: “Just when we are starting to dig our way out of a recession by ourselves, the powers that be will figure out a way to screw it up.”

Boy, was he right.

No permits issued for drilling, even though they found a crap load of oil in North Dakota. Have you ever been to North Dakota?

The six people that live there said, “Sure, go ahead & drill.  Just leave the cash by the trailer door.”

Oh, and not one permit issued for a nuke plant since the movie China Syndrome aired in the seventies (a slight exaggeration, but amusing nevertheless). We have a nuke here on the surface of the sun (Arizona), and it works just peachy. No fumes, no glow in the dark creatures, nutin’, just power, cheap power. I have been there many times, and have never seen anything resembling a Homer Simpson working there. A bunch of them do look like Willie Nelson, though, which is almost as bad.

Natural Gas (ppffft). The U.S. has enough Natural Gas to fart-power whole star systems but there is one problem (besides the smell). No permits issued for new drilling. Safe for the environment, clean, efficient? Nah, we don’t want any of that now, do we?  Too easy.

Not one new oil refinery built in twenty years. Even if we did get more oil, we can’t refine it. Have you ever seen the ones we have? Go to southern Louisiana. Sadly, I have. Looks like Mad Fucking Max was filmed there. (They should have let Lake Ponchartraine reclaim Orleans, but that’s another rant.)

Remember, you wouldn’t have to actually drill for anything. Just say you are, and the day traders will drop the price of oil like a DUI trying to ditch his Thunderbird bottle as the trooper approaches the vehicle.

And another thing, everyone in Washington wants to know the secret to job production. Just what is it we need to do? The answer? NOTHING!

No really, don’t DO shit. When they DO shit, it costs us money. They take in three dollars for every one they “invest” (their new code word for spend). The top earning 49% of the people in the U.S. pay nearly 90% of the taxes. The top 5% pay over 25%. A FULL 51% pay NO taxes at all! Can you say “Flat Tax?” I knew ya could.  Even Mikko agrees with this one. Even it all up. If you earn a buck, you pay tax. Period. We all pay the same %, and we all (meaning those of us that actually PAY taxes) will pay much less. Now THIS is MY kind of REDISTRIBUTION of wealth.

As for Madison, WI, unions are a victim of their own greed and stu-fucking-pidity. They took a good thing and ruined it. They will never recover, because the feline has not only jumped out of the eco-friendly shopping sack, it’s working in a sweat shop in China. To review the union phenomenon, we all pay taxes so they can have benefits we will never have (Oops. heh heh, sorry), while adding a hefty pay grade that sends all of our manufacturing to various Pacific Rim environs.

I was a union member for 25 years. At that time, in that business, they were a necessity. I am angry at today’s union leaders. The old Jewish guys that ran mine would eat these newbies for lunch.

To top off everything that’s wrong with this country, they got Julianne Moore to play Sarah Palin in an upcoming pic on the ’08 election. Geeh, Hollywood will surely be non-partisan, right? They better pad her up some. Old Sarah “the other white meat” Palin has some front to go with that back.

By the way, this last item was the straw that broke the Crankster’s back.  I could have lived with everything else, but bad casting?  It’s over. 

The Crank