Occupy the Tea Party

Mick Zano

It’s absurd what’s happening today, and not just because of my last post about the Facebook Nazis. We are in dire straits, folks, and, Mark my words, I have had a Knopfler. (The Sultans of Swing Voters?) Sorry. Half our country can’t motivate and the other half probably shouldn’t. The Occupy movement remains rudderless and the Tea Party has charted a clear and exact course toward some jagged rocks.

Why are we increasingly polarized? Is it based on real differences, or is it by design? We need to get on the same page, folks, and soon. As Dylan and Hendrix warn us, “The hour’s getting late.”

Check out Dictionary.com’s definition of polarized.

Po·lar·ized   /ˈpoʊləˌraɪzd/ Show Spelled[poh-luh-rahyzd] Show IPA

(who should I show my India Pale Ale to?)


1. of or pertaining to a medium that exhibits polarization.

2. (of an electric plug or outlet) designed so that the plug and outlet fit together in only one way.

Check out definition number two. We are designed to see the world in one of two ways: progressive or regressive, positive or negative, D or R. Neither side has a monopoly on the truth, yet we have been pigeonholed into black or Romney thinking.

How did so many get so misinformed? Most of the blame rests with our entertainment in the guise of news journalism. Damn you Daily Discord, damn you! If you followed the Scott Walker recall coverage, umm, it was appalling.

“Given this blatant partisan coverage, it was absolutely impossible to watch either network [MSNBC or Fox] and weed out any clear understanding of the actual significance of the event, much less what effect it would actually have on the 2012 presidential election.”

Dylan Byers Politico

When Mr. Olbermann started acting out, MSNBC told him good night and good luck. I imagine it won’t be too long before Ed I-know-nuszink Schultz follows suit. But here’s the rub, radicalism equates to promotions on the Right. Ideology is rewarded with viewers. Oh, and lie all you want, you’re audience doesn’t care. Fox is never having to make a retraction.

I want to retract that, Mr. Winslow. See? Even I can do it. Oh, he’s printing it anyway. Well, it’s the thought that counts and someday the Right will have those.

What can we do about this? There’s obviously a slew of people who want to watch this shit, facts be damned. Certainly one of the consequences for this station was a W. second term. Could you imagine if all you had was Walter Cronkite types? Bush would have been impeached, not re-elected. But, you can’t shut down Fox, you can only choose to shut it off, and that’s not likely to happen with the current caliber of their viewers.

“It’s a 66-Magnum….It shoots through truth.”

—Joe Piscopo

As predicted, the Tea Party was hijacked by Fake News, and, whatever it manages to accomplish, God help us. Then there’s Occupy, which has thus far been meaningless. The Discord’s version sums it up.

We are Discord!
We are Discord! We Occupy Space
We occupy space

In this environment, can any grass roots movement really lead to more political parties and/or genuine reform? Face it, this is not exactly an independent-thought-friendly-era (ITFE). That was part of the initial inspiration for the formation of the Transcosmetic Party in the first place…and, of course, stories about Facebook Nazis.

Our two party system has us by the short hairs (I knew I should have manscaped). I fear Occupy is going to get rough and tumble at some point. And if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao…sorry, Beatles flashback. If I were a betting man, I’d say we have some riots in our future. I just want our ire to be channeled toward those responsible. And is that likely to happen? Occupy can be summarized thusly, “We’re mad but not sure why” and the Tea Party can be summarized as “We’re mad and supporting those destroying us.”

Well done everyone. How about we take a deep breath and think about shit before we start gnawing off each other’s faces.

“I’m taking my cannibalistic talents to South Beach!”

—LeBron James

Some of the misinformation is directly impacted by the dumbing down effect so prevalent today. Here’s a recent excerpt from NPR.

“The sophistication of federal lawmakers’ speech patterns is on the decline, with members of Congress now talking, on average, at the level of high school sophomores. According to a new report by the Sunlight Foundation, Congress has fallen by almost a full grade-level since 2005.” [and] “The members speaking at the lowest grade levels tend to be freshmen Republicans.”

If this is true, I would like to temporally channel a young sophomore Congressman Zano. I’m sure we’ll be interrupting him from his important endeavors back in high school…actually, let’s not. He just left for a Judas Priest concert with a bottle of Yukon Jack and a baggie of stems and seeds (a real Norman Rockwell moment).

We really don’t need to talk to him, er me—let alone allow him, er me to govern. This is a key aspect of Fox’s false assumptions, dumb is the new smart (the Palin Effect?). I have covered this disturbing phenomenon for yerbs. That’s what The Right is calling years now. It’s OK, I’ve gotten usett to ip.

“That depends on what your definition of ip is.”

—Bill Clinton

I wouldn’t be concerned about a bonefied Mr. Smith marching off to Washington but this isn’t about Jimmy Stewart, or principles, or anything remotely patriotic. Today, Mr. Smith doesn’t need to go anywhere near Washington. No coherent or compelling speech necessary. He—clearly in the minority— can simply filibuster shit from his iPhone enroute to the Judas Priest concert with the aforementioned bottle of Yukon Jack. This typically occurs after a memo and an enclosed check from the Koch Brothers. Yeah team America! Activate form of nullification.

If being inarticulate were their only drawback, we would welcome these new voices into Congress, but, as it turns out, that’s their only endearing quality. The worst part is their persistent all-or-none thinking. Let’s have a contest here at The Discord. If you can find something repeated over and over again on Fox News that is not based on a false assumption, you could be eligible for cash prizes! …or a bottle of Yukon Jack.

I’ve been diligently searching for scraps of truth on that side of the aisle since long before the Discord’s inception, but, like my evenings spent at the Bellagio, I keep coming up empty. Kidding! I’m barred from the Bellagio.

No grass roots movement is likely to remain viable amidst this two party tyranny. The main problems?

  1. The media won’t allow it. See Ron Paul’s coverage on Fox or MSNBC.
  2. Our two glorious parties won’t allow it.
  3. Our country is waaaay too full of Regressive Conservatives armed only with ideology and a romanticism bordering on delusional. In fact, why don’t you and the 1950s get a room? (I left the Schmuck’s Capacitor for you back in the DeLorean.)

Before Andrew Sullivan named it ‘The Cocoon’ or Bill Maher started his ‘Dispatches from the Bubble’ bit, I was covering the alternate reality I named The Neococoon’. In the end, I predict the Tea Party may actually do Occupy’s bidding. I think the problem with Occupy is they are vying for a full blown collapse, which they can’t seem to bring about, despite their organized camping initiative (OCI). The only way to bring about a collapse today is by repairing our existing system through stupidity.

Enter the Tea Party…

As for Occupy’s current tactics, you can count me out of any activity designed to simply hurt small businesses…that’s the Government’s job. But a full blown collapse is looming and the Tea Party’s current policies are likely to bring about Occupy’s desire—aka, starve the beast, block any payment on our bloating credit cards, downgrade and destroy.

Activate revolution form of Inept Reforms.

“I just cannot see how that argument wins against the logic that this sacrifice needs to be shared, that we all need to do our part, that, at this stage in the debt-binge begun in earnest under Reagan, we should double down on supply side economics in the face of massive evidence that it doesn’t fucking work. You need some kind of intravenous injection of Jude Wanniski to get this argument off the ground and in the air.”

—Andrew Sullivan

No, you just need Fox News and their ilk. They are the wind beneath our sails…of the just ate too much Mexican food variety. This coming from the man who wrote The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How We Can Get It Back. I don’t think it’s coming back, Andrew. Here’s what Sully recently said over at The Dish about the inspiration behind his book:

“I truly had no expectation that my book on conservatism would have an iota of an impact on the current GOP. But I wrote it anyway, as a marker to myself of what I believed, as a way to clarify for myself – and anyone else interested – what conservatism is for me, and why today’s GOP has so brutally assaulted the tradition whose name they claim.”

I promise not to go all Ted Nugent on these peeps until they impact the micro brew and specialty coffee shipments coming into my town. When that happens, no promises. I also vow to blog about my subsequent visit from the Secret Service. My actions will make Guy Fawkes look like Ghandi, MFs! Sorry, I just felt the need to top Ted for a moment. Urge to kill fading…

None of us should be defending either party anymore. Can’t we all agree on that? No? I didn’t think so. The Right is always too busy defending the indefensible and making up shit about their political adversaries (isn’t it a shame that’s too long for Fox’s slogan?). The left is ready to throw in the towel. Meanwhile, the Right is ready climb back in with Sandusky, towel or no (what, too spoon?).

Romney’s economic advisor was on Fareed Zakaria this week, A.U. Sterity. He described Romney’s approach as Simpson-Bowels without any revenue generation. To me it sounds like an austerity-only cluster-fuck. Maybe Republicans should try the animated version, Simpson-Griffin? Doh!

Look, I never claimed to know a lot about economics…just more than a Republican. Cut from the same cloth, Paul Ryan’s Budget doesn’t address defense spending or revenue generating either and is designed to be as cruel and inhuman as possible, their usual M.O. I would actually sign off on their shit, if there was a chance in hell it would work…but, the only people impressed with their record at this point seems to be them.

Meanwhile, support for Occupy has dropped in half over the last few months. Therefore, many believe this movement is DOA….umm, those people are wrong. Admittedly, they do suck at the moment. In fact, I tried to contact the organizer in my town to ask, “Why aren’t you Occupying Facebook Meetups?” Using the internet to mobilize is the only thing the Tea Party got right. Yet I couldn’t even reach the guy. Hmmm. See the Discord’s important coverage of one of those local Occupy events here.

The Tea Party will die when they get the blame for the next Standard & Poor’s downgrade and officially gridlock us into oblivion. This will likely ignite a more formidable Occupy resurgence—too late to save our economy, of course, but fun and eventful nevertheless. And those with a clue will shift teams. Ultimately, Occupy has the potential to change the political landscape forever. It might alter how society functions and I hope a key focus will remain on sustainable energy and sustainable resources, as well as an emphasis on capitalism with a conscience. Yeah, that’s me dreaming again, but er, my dreams of tomorrow have proven to be more accurate than the Republican’s grasp of reality today.

Sociopaths can no longer be our CEOs and our leaders. Gordon Gekko must die! I know the Right has posed that Obama is a sociopath, but there’s currently little evidence. However, there is growing evidence that this man makes Gordon Gekko look like, well…. a community organizer.

There is growing evidence that Romey makes Gordon Gekko look like a community organizer.

I realize sociopaths are the Right’s champions, but my take on that sad piece of reality here.

It doesn’t take an Einstein to predict this shit, but it does take an Einstein to make people believe the exact opposite. Kudos Herr Ailes. Could you imagine a Michele Bachmann or a Rick Santorum with the ability to target anyone anywhere with a drone strike? That is when I will move myself and my family over to virtual Canada over at NHL.com (the puck stops here?).

The image of Bachmann with unlimited drones should keep you up at night. What will keep you up, you ask? The near constant explosions as our Government targets our gay and atheistic neighbors. (Studies suggest Explosion Therapy more effective than Conversion Therapy?) I’m being a bit facetious here but Presidents have more powers than ever before and they now want dangerously incompetent people to inherit these powers? One drone to rule them all…

Matt Drudge over on The Drudge Report is jumping on the Dem’s recent disillusionment. I think this shows the ability of the Left to assess and interpret facts. How quaint. Objectivity on the Right officially died during a recent episode of Hannity. RIP. Hey, maybe Giraldo can bury it in Al Capone’s vault. There’s also a chunk of our population who believes the Right’s appraisal of Obama’s performance thus far, which has little to do with reality.

Republicans didn’t mind deficits until they drove ours into the stratosphere. Their plan remains to counter our economic situation with their dumber than W plan. Sounds lovely. And, sorry, if you think returning to an incompetent foreign policy and an irresponsible economic plan is the way out of this mess, you’re more delusional than my prior posts suggest.

Kidding, I’ve had this bunch pegged all along.

Waylan Smithers

The only thing that remains consistent in this freakishly bad economic period is the right’s unwavering ability to misread the tea bag leaves. In this environment, how can they do anything but hinder our recovery? How can they do anything but Fox-block a proper revolution? The answer is, they can’t—not if they insist on approaching each issue from the perspective of, “What would Mr. Burns like me to do?”

Good luck with that. If you find any policy or issue where Fox strays an iota from this theme, hit our contact button and I will post your comments. Good luck with that. I think you would have better luck finding a Mormon in a hash bar, or a Jew in Damascus, or an Iranian gay pride parade (Pricilla, Ayatollah of the Desert?).

At the end of the day, Republicans would rather allow the union to collapse than return to 90s level tax rates…and collapse it will. The Dems role in the demise of America is destined to be a footnote, but the Republican section will make War and Peace look like a haiku.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.