Obama Admits The Count Tallied Jobs Created by the Stimulus Package

Obama Admits The Count Tallied Jobs Created by the Stimulus Package

Washington, DC—The Obama Administration is investigating its own near-criminal inflation of the total jobs created by the stimulus plan. Some of the problem is due to the questionable decision to hire The Count von Count, of Sesame Street fame, to tally the numbers.

“It started out well enough,” said stimulus overseer Ed DeSeve.  “He counted full-time jobs created by the stimulus package, then he counted part-time jobs created by the stimulus package, and then at some point he started counting ceiling tiles.”

According to witnesses, The Count started the project with, “One! One job created by the stimulus package, ah, ah, ah…  Two! Two jobs created by the stimulus package, ah ah ah…” but, by day twelve, The Count was overheard saying, “Four! Four thousand cars on the Southeast Freeway, ah, ah, ah…”

“We knew right then we were screwed,” said DeSeve.  “I told Barak that we should have gone with Grover.”

The Obama Administration is trying to put the best spin possible on the matter.

“It’s not known when The Count transitioned from counting real jobs to counting random inanimate objects,” said Obama, “but we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that some of those early numbers were legitimate jobs created.”

Obama is denying allegations that he had planned to name The Count his Enumeration Czar in early February.

“I would also like to dispel any rumors that Burt or Ernie will be my next Family Values Czarinas.”

Washington insiders believe neither Ernie nor Burt have spoken to the president since his stance on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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