Washington, DC–A new controversial pill is on the market today that is so irresponsible and frivolous it’s bound to be covered by Obamacare. Sometimes you just want to drug some one or another, be it chick, guy, chick-guy, or barnyard animal. Sure, you want to boink the babeage, but who needs the hassle of 18 years of child support? So, what’s a horny-criminal minded to do? Well, Johnson & Swollen Johnson is at it again with a new product line that is surely aimed to please. Xrapeabortz will knock her out without knocking her up! It’s a win win for all.

A recent study suggests Xrapeabortz works better than placebo. As a matter of fact, placebo woke up feeling a little sore the next morning. Side effects may include a10-15 year prison sentence, dry mouth, and someones’ breakfast and/or cab fare. Stop living in the shadows. Well, actually, stay in the shadows or you might be identified. What are you waiting for? Ask your probation officer if Xrapeabortz is right for you.