Help, I Accidentally Turned on Hannity’s America Last Week!

Mick Zano

I really don’t watch Hannity’s America, for obvious reasons, but what with the world ending and all, there was nothing else on…and, well, I guess I was kind of wondering if he was exhibiting anything resembling one of the three “R”s of incessantly wrongful journalism: remorse, regret, or reality. 

Admittedly, I only caught 20 minutes of the show as I had to turn on Saw II periodically to de-escalate.  But I have to say that I am truly stunned by how this guy operates.  He spent his hour-long show, or at least what I could stand of it, praising Bush. You heard right: an hour-long show, and—get this—he listed Bush’s “accomplishments.”  How many times can one say, “We haven’t been hit again since 9/11” and “Bush’s tax cuts should remain permanent”?  I suggest Mr. Hannity learn how to say them in other languages, to add both variety and a certain panache.  The most stunning thing uttered was this exchange between The Hannster and Karl Rove (paraphrased for your reading enjoyment): “Bush inherited a recession from Clinton—a recession—but where was the media outrage then?  Sure, now we’re in an economic slowdown….”

An economic slowdown?

I repeat: an economic slowdown.

W. inherited a “recession,” but this is an “economic downturn”?  Hannity can’t even say “recession” when a Republican is in office and never did mention the word to the best of my limited knowledge of him, unless of course referring to the “Great Clinton Recession of 1999,” where many a young executive consumed only 17 Mocha Deluxe Frappuccinos a day instead of 18.  Granted unemployment was up for a time, but the country stabilized relatively quickly.  This situation is a tad different.  And here is a prediction about Mr. Propaganda: He will only be able to say “depression” when he puts the word “Democratic” or “Obama” in front of it.  Trust me on this one. 

Now, I realize that Ann Coulter found a way to fill a niche.  She saw a business opportunity and plays things over the top, in the same way Howard Stern picks his questions for the barrage of naked lesbians flooding his studio.  Sean, though, is a White House spokesperson…but does he really believe the shit coming out of his own mouth?  I psychologically assess people for a living and often determine whether they need psychiatric inpatient care.  I have made my assessment.  Dr. Killpatient, have the Thorazine ready. 

Throughout the rest of the hour-long show, Sean repeatedly bludgeoned Al Gore for not practicing what he preaches and for politicizing global warming.  I actually agree that he has a point on this one—one I won’t even argue—but let’s juxtapose the articles in the paper from the same day that his show aired, shall we?  Funny thing; no Gore articles.  One news article discussed the arctic ice shelf’s precarious situation and how it is currently on the verge of collapsing outright, and the rest of the Drudge Report was filled to the brim with mind-numbingly bad news for the economy—again, all ignored.  Sean “forgot” to mention these current events during his Bush victory lap.  Oh, and let’s not forget his first riveting segment on Blagojevich and how corrupt all Illinois politicians are (hint, hint: Illinois). Who else is from Illinois?  Hmmm…? 

There should be warnings for this show, like “May induce vomiting,” or “Do not watch if taking nitrates, as this may cause an unsafe rise in blood pressure.”

Thank God for Saw II.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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