Rio de Janeiro, BZ—As Thor raised his giant war hammer, Zeus said, “Hold on, my Norse brother, I have a better idea.” A few seconds later the air over Rio de Janeiro was ionized with dancing streams of electricity. The discharge blew Christ’s fingertips off and reduced them to a spray of soapstone shards that rained down onto the city below like brimstone.

Jesus minced no parables, “I’m shocked. For the first time ever I used my own name in vain. I had lighting rods installed to prevent this sort of thing. And, let me tell you, that procedure made me long for a good crucifixion.”

When asked if Jesus holds any grudges, Jesus said, “Christ the Redeemer or not, Mount Olympus is going down. My father usually works with volcanos or floods, which won’t work on a sky city, but…hey…you know what would be great? I’m just thinking out loud here, have Olympus fall right onto Putin’s Olympics. Kill em’ all and let dad sort em’ out. Let the games begin!”