New York, NY—In order to increase the pain on all things nerd, Barack Hussein Obama closed all Comic-Con events until the republicans quote, “bend over and take that shit.” This news has caused carnage outside of the next hosting facility, the Javits Center, in downtown Manhattan. An unnamed employee said, “We haven’t seen anything like this since George Takei cancelled an appearance for a Start Trek Convention back in ‘08.”
A nearby Quality Inn was the scene of widespread panic and despair as throngs of superheroes and villains alike wept uncontrollably. A Tardis was hurled from a third floor balcony in anger, luckily it was only made of cardboard. Later that evening gangs of Siths, X-Men, and several Green Lanterns took to the streets and were later mugged.
One gentleman dressed in a Groo costume said, “They must take me for the fool that I am!” before he was crushed by a second falling Tardis.