Dear Ghetto Shaman,

What is the deal with the movie 127 Hours?  It felt like it took that long to end.  It could have been summed up as drank my own pee and gnawed off my own arm.  Besides, wouldn’t drinking your own pee only make you more dehydrated?

James

Irwin, PA

Dear James,

That is not what concerns me.  When one drinks his or her own pee a sacrifice to Yig is required to liberate the soul and ascend to the spirit world.  Perhaps even more disturbing, you should only gnaw of your own arm when you wake up draped over a female of the Coyote Ugly variety. 

The Ghetto Shaman

P.S. As many enlightened beings are aware, when one has carnal encounters with someone truly hideous, reaching Double Coyote status, it is customary to gnaw off your second arm so that it never happens again.