Dumbledore Remains Headmaster Despite Prolonged Muggle Uprising

Dumbledore Remains Headmaster Despite Prolonged Muggle Uprising

Hogwarts, ?—The Muggle protestors turned increasingly violent this week outside of Hogwarts School of Wizardry.  Despite two weeks of protesting, the school’s headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, refuses to relinquish command.  The entire grounds are full of thousands of angry Muggles—with the exception of one area where a particularly menacing tree has already claimed the lives of several protestors.

Muggles, or non magical folk, have been gathering in ever greater numbers to voice their discontent with all things magical.  Sparked by the uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt, ordinary people from all over have ramped up their demonstrations against the school, a place deemed the epicenter of all enchantments.

Known to some as the Stalin of Sorcery, Dumbledore is considered a despotic demon, a tyrannical thaumatist, and several other impressive synonyms by these amassing, thesaurus-savvy revolutionaries.

One woman carried a sign reading, “I should be head of the Ministry of Muggles!” Another had a sign equating Dumbledore with Hitler, while still others were burning an effigy of R.K. Rowling.

Dumbledore addressed the press today: “Whereas it is normally forbidden to use magic in the presence of Muggles, this time I am prepared to make an exception.”

Dumbledore has given the crowd until midnight tonight to disperse or he is releasing the Dementors.

The Discord’s own Cokie McGrath has not been seen since her attempt to interview one of the said Dementors. 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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