Philadelphia, PA—In what is being hailed as “the copycat publicity stunt from hell”, the Daily Discord plans to burn old Duran Duran albums en mass next Saturday. According to inside sources, Discord staffers have accumulated 16 of the band’s albums, mostly Rio, as well as one of the bassist’s rarer solo albums (Dave Atsals is a huge fan). Unless their demands are met, the Discord is planning this pop-pyre at the Liberty Bell Pavilion in Philadelphia, PA, on the anniversary of the cancellation of Celebrity Family Feud.
When asked about these demands, the Daily Discord’s CEO, Pierce Winslow, channeled a certain teen beauty queen. “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq, uh—”
“We will burn all of these albums onto our hard drives,” cut in the Discord’s Ghetto Shaman. “Muslims hate illegal downloads. It makes them crazy…er, crazier.”
He then recited a strange variation of Churchill’s speech, with lyrics such as: “We shall fight them on the bitches!” to the backdrop of his fellow Discordians belting out one of the worst renditions of Hungry Like the Wolf ever karaoked. The unauthorized press conference ended when the Philadelphia Police Department tear gassed the lot.