Church Apologizes for Using Real Nails during Crucifixion Reenactment

Church Apologizes for Using Real Nails during Crucifixion Reenactment

Kingstree, SC—Officially, the First Baptist Church has “no idea” how the foam versions of their nails used to crucify their savior each year were replaced with sharp wooden spikes. Easter Sunday, these spikes were miSTAKEnly used to nail local forklift operator, Gus Franklin, to a large cross at the climax of their holiday mass extravaganza.

“We just hope someday people will find the humor in all of this,” said Father Michael Shenanigans. “I knew we should have gone with the F@^*ing Easter egg hunt.”

Uber-Defrocked Reverend Joseph Tompkins told coroners, “We just thought the Messiah was really getting into the part this year.” However, the holy emissary later admitted to police, “We planned to take him down in a couple of days and put his body in a cave to see what happens. You know, to make the most of this tragedy. Maybe something good could have come from it, like the Rapture or at least a related bake sale.”

On a related note, The First Baptist Church’s ‘One of Our Beloved Forklifters Rose on the 3rd Day’ bake sale has been canceled, pending the investigation of the organizers.

(Visited 39 times, 1 visits today)
Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *