Baltimore, MD—Maryland is taking a proactive stance in preparing its’ citizens for what officials are calling Project Penniless Yuppie (PPY). In accordance with MD law, the city is holding several soup-kitchen practice runs for those middle-class Americans unfamiliar with soup-line etiquette. This somewhat extreme measure is only a precaution meant to aid individuals on the outside chance that some of Obama’s completely idiotic economic policies don’t work. Local flyers encourage participants to use Blackberries, cell phones, DSs, PSPs, Gameboys, and other handheld devices to pass the time during the average 6-8 hour wait for a bowl of soup (usually carrot, sometimes carrot plus). If and when you can no longer afford batteries for these devices, the flyer suggests some of the old standbys: talking, hopscotch, hacky sac, and random sex acts with the person in front of you. Historically, random sex acts are helpful endeavors for both the participants as well as those standing nearby.