Border Tag Order? Children Of Illegals Tagged & Released Back Into The Wild

Tweet Tower—Abandoning all hope of a Congress-related solution, President Trump has signed an executive order today that creates the Brown Baby Research & Conservation Agency. In lieu of separating children from their families and locking them in cages after a suspected illegal border crossing, the Trump Administration has a better solution. This new government agency stationed along the US-Mexico border will humanely tag unaccompanied minors with a GPS geolocator and then release them back into the desert. Many claim this policy is not helpful and is evidence of the president doubling-down on his “Zero Tolerance” policy, or what Trump himself is calling Operation Dos Zero.

Press Secretary Sarah Sanders told the press today, “People didn’t like the visuals of kids in cages, so these are now free-range Mexicans. The children are supplied with granola bars, water, a compass, and a map. This is better for them, better for cost, and even better for the environment. So how about that low unemployment rate, huh?”

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute & Daycare, said, “By tagging these critters, we can better understand their migratory routes and residency patterns. There’s no better way to study an invasive species. For many it may also reveal their final resting place in the Sonoran Desert. So to borrow a phrase it’s win-win!”


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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.