New York, NY—Actress Natalie Portman is pregnant with fraternal twins, one male and one female. Upon hearing the news, she immediately asked for a private conference with Frank Oz, the voice of Yoda.
“I just didn’t know if naming them Luke and Leia would be wise under the circumstances,” said Portman.
Her doctor has the actress on the highest amount of anti-depressants allowed by law.
“We just don’t want to take any chances this time,” said Dr. Monrad Curry. “We will do everything we can to keep her from losing her will to live.”
Portman reports being “pretty happy” but agrees that, “In this situation, we should err on the side of fiction.”
When asked about her husband’s recent erratic behavior and his tendency to ruminate darkly about his karate instructor, Portman stated, “Anakin—I mean, Benjamin—is going to be a great father. He’s a good man, well beyond the corrupting influence of that creepy senator he keeps hanging around.”
Portman refuses to identify the senator in question.
Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, does not want this to turn into a witch hunt.
“Without more information there’s no way to identify the Sith Lord, as most of my colleagues are decidedly creepy,” said Reid.
The news broke when a part time nurse and avid Star Wars fan over at Saint Vincent’s Hospital Tweeted: OMG! Two Jedi buns in Portman’s oven!
Portman is denying claims she plans to separate the children at birth and send them to different planets for their own safety.